^Seeing as a guys family usually has a more hand in everything, I doubt any tradition as the materal grandfather would be established in our culture. But lets not make it about why his and not hers now.
This is part of the problem. When we expect this behavior and accept that the boy's family has priority over the girl's, there's no point in protesting in these scenarios, is there. Sometimes when you point out the obvious injustice of a tradition that is taken for granted, it may inspire someone to reconsider their stance. Fear of rocking the boat isn't going to change the status quo.
My husband and I both like the name 'Azan', however he feels like if he suggests that to his dad, it'll be disrespectful. I don't know how to explain to him that asking for another suggestion in not at all wrong or disrespectful. He just expects me to blindly say yes to whatever him and his family want. I sound like I'm accusing him of being evil lol but I'm saying that because he was able to convey his own feelings about the name he disliked, but not my feelings about the second name. Sigh.
You're not accusing him of being "evil," no. But unfortunately he is being incredibly callous to his pregnant wife and unnecessarily making his dad look bad in the process. It's great that you're close with your FIL - maybe that's your answer. Just chat with him on the phone, casually drop the name you like, and maybe tell him about the other Ibrahim in your family. I don't know how fragile the dynamics are between you and your husband and how this might impact your marriage - that's your call. But if he doesn't understand the importance of compromise so early on in the marriage, it's going to become increasingly difficult to get through to him down the line.
:/ tough. try again to explain to your husband in a non confrontational manner why Ibrahim doesn't work for you. Plus I don't think bringing your parents is going to help the situation so keep that off the plate.
I suggested that to my husband...he says he wants absolutely NO involvement from me regarding the name. =| I initially said the same as you, that as parents we should have the final say...however, seeing as it was important to him that his parents/father name our baby, I didn't say anything except that we should all agree on the name...including me. His reasoning for me not having involvement is..."my parents aren't naming our baby 'king kong' or something, why do you have a problem with it?". When I explained the family member issue, he said he didn't care/it's what we're naming our baby.
Tell him, "You don't want ANY involvement from me? I'm the child's mother. I'm the body housing this developing baby....which is not an easy thing to do. You try walking around with this much of a load on your body all day and dealing with other symptoms that come with it. I'll be the one in agony for several hours pushing out this baby that you say I have no involvement with."
Sorry, but your husband's response really annoys me. I'm all for mature and calm communication of issues but I also believe there are times when you stand your ground...and follow it up with some distance/cold shoulder.....and let that work it's magic. NOt a guarantee...but it does sometimes work........because men don't respond to words, they tend to respond more to actions.
stand up for yourself. why do you keep involving your husband in the process when he's made it clear he's not interested in your opinion? talk to your FIL since you are close to him and let him know your thoughts. maybe they can choose a middle name and you can choose the first name. this is YOUR baby and this will be a very important part of his identity. if you continue complaining about it and do nothing, what else are you going to have to compromise on in the future? you're his mother. no one will play a bigger role in his life than you. you're already the star of the show what with growing him inside you. exercise your rights and name your child.
And your reasonable response should have been "As the mother of this child, I wouldn't have picked King Kong as our son's name either. So now can I also be involved in the naming process. Or wait a minute...I don't even need permission or authorization from you cuz I am the child's mother."
S_Punk....you sort of put yourself in this uncomfortable position because you just "let it go." You don't didn't stand up. I'm not saying that you should start a fight with your husband.....but you do teach people how to treat you. Tell your husband "At least I'm encouraging your parents to give name suggestions. That shows open-minded on my part. Whereas you on the other hand have totally forbidden me from any involvement in this matter when I'm the child's mother....which not only shows closed-mindedness on your part but disrespect as well." Broach the subject again....and if he throws another hissy fit...pull back from him. Pulling back from him will let him know you're being serious and that you won't be manipulated. God...I have a ton of papers to grade....and husband's comment still irks me.
He wants there to be complete naming authority given to his father, no questions asked. he says he wants absolutely NO involvement from me regarding the name. =| His reasoning for me not having involvement is..."my parents aren't naming our baby 'king kong' or something, why do you have a problem with it?". my husband hasn't considered my parents thoughts on the matter at all. This is their first grandchild, and the first boy in our family. He won't budge from his father solely choosing the name though. I don't know how to explain to him that asking for another suggestion in not at all wrong or disrespectful. He just expects me to blindly say yes to whatever him and his family want.
^Civilized people agree this is no way for a gentleman to talk to his pregnant wife. My way or the highway is not a recipe for a healthy marriage. If a man wants sole veto power over matters concerning his offspring, he should grow a uterus and have the baby himself. Otherwise eat some humble pie and learn to expect "involvement" from his wife. This is a marriage, not Kim Jong's dictatorship.
Beleive me lot will come along after this so try to be firm with your husband NOW.......I know it must be hard for you going through a new mom phase right now but your husband should understand this that it is your child he is talking about not his only......try to make him understand that the child is Ours so we need to take the mutual decisions about him it is not going to be your way only..... Andbe persistent or he will dismiss your opinions in future also.
As several others have mentioned, this is totally unacceptable behavior from him! You’re the one going through pregnancy, giving birth, and I imagine you’ll the one who’ll take care of the baby most of the time. And this is your 1st child. For him to DICTATE that you have absolutely no involvement in what the child will be referred to the rest of his life is beyond ridiculous! It one thing that he, as the father, doesn’t give a sh*t. But he has no right to tell you to “stay out of it”!
You really need to put your foot down on this. I know it seems like 1 issue…but you should not let him disrespect you, and have total disregard for your feelings when it comes to your child on this critical issue. This will only set the “stage” for future behavior.
Talk to the FIL yourself. And tell your husband that he can do whatever he likes…but that you plan on being involved in EVERY aspect of your child life…including his name!
LOL. I am sorry but this is really silly here. All of you who are telling her to bring in the argument that she is the one who is gonna give birth to the child, etc etc…well that’s really lame! She is giving birth to the kid but she def needed him to have the baby :halo: so high time we stop playing this “oh my kid…” emotional blackmail.
I am nt saying what he is doing is right, it definately is not and she should step up and let him know that. However, giving him silly and lame arguments like some of you guys have suggested is only gonna make things worse.
he’s being insensitive to his wife’s needs. BetteR?
I know it seems like 1 issue…but you should not let him disrespect you, and have total disregard for your feelings when it comes to your child on this critical issue. This will only set the “stage” for future behavior.