I need guidance on what to do in a situation like this
I live in another country with my husbnd n LO.my in laws visited us a month back fr the second time n everything was good alhamdulilah me n my hubby thought we are now good n i almost bragged abt them to everybody how my mil understands me n stuff( i ve a 6 months old who was sick for like a week wen they were here n he wud throw up n stuff almost 5 times in a night) i couldnt sleep until like 7 am.other daystoo he wud slp at 5 but hes a happy baby mA doesnt cry so they assumed he doesnt stay up .not like i ll advertise it lol.so i wud give him to my mil n fil in the lounge at 10am n go bak to slp until 12.she wud cook lunch ( salan/sabzi or leftovers) n i wud make roti/rice.salad raita.serve it.clean the table do the dishes clean the kitchen etc .make tea in the evening too
I made sure we wud get everything my in laws wud like n stuff fr breakfast( clean kitchn at night,do dishes n knead atta for morng parathas too if mil wud wanto make any ) no matter how tired i m.
I ve a bad backache n migraine eversince i had cesearean so anyways i was very grateful to my mil for understanding me so much
After a month since they left ,they called up n complained how i never made em breakfast,lunch,cleaned up for them,sat with them in the morning( they wud sleep in the lounge cuz we have a small appt) my mil also had strained ankle but she was walking fine,never complained she cant walk or stand but she started to feel the pain by the time she was leaving cuz of the walking , she likes to go out so me n hubby wanted to take them to several malls n restaurants which they enjoyed.at night i would cook but mostly we ate out,again because we thought they would like that,back home they stay at home most of the time.now they also ve complaint thn we shudnt v askd them to go out n rather stayed at home n i shudve cooked.but my intentions were just to make sure they dont get bored here.i insisted my husbnd to drop thm to movies too without us n they ll like it .
I m not a kamchor type tht i wudnt wanto cook esp when we were tight at money .but my husbnd wanted to eat her hands food cuz ofcourse he likes her moms food better plus she took the charge to cook herself even wen i asked her what to cook and i didnt wanto make her feel like its not her home so i just helped her with it.i recently sent a few good recipes i tried out of which one were my salt pepper diet food one i made wen they were here n rest were made by shan masalas tht fil wouldnt like n my husbnd told me not to make.now the whole thing is just so hurtful n my husband n i are kind of hurt/disappointed because this whole time they were staying here they had this thing in their hearts and we had no clue .we went over budget to take em outn shopping but it comes down to me not doing what they were expecting .
How shud i handle this ? What would u do in this situation.wont u feel awkard doing all this nxt time they come over knowing they know ur cooking all these recipes fr them because they wanted u to (i made some good recipes wen they were here too but watever i knew without shan masalas lol) plus i definately thought i would do more wen they wud come next time but this whole thing has affected me n mostly my hubby because i ve been praising them so much all this time for being so understanding n stuff n now everything has backfired n he feels a lil embarrased too.i strongly believe in " when u appreciate u get more " .
Whatever i did for them was from heart .nothing was pretentious .but im sad that this whole time me n my hubby was thinking that they r happy n we r taking care of them,they were not.i wish they had said all that right wen they felt it here.
They also think after looking at the foods i made tht i never made those for them.
To me this is really starplus happening at the moment because i came from a family where i never saw/heard of thse issues
.background my husbnd really liked me n its a love marriage but my mil still told him tht i was his choice so in a way i never had this pampering love from my in laws but it doesnt bother me. alhamdulilah im happy in my life .Allah has blessed me with other things
Re: In laws complaints
Allah ki bandhi, please zarra paragraphs main break do! It makes it incredibly hard to read/understand when your post is one long ramble.
From what I can understand of your post, I don't blame your inlaws for being annoyed. You sound like you harbor resentments towards them as well. Why the heck should they "pamper you"? And it's your duty to watch after your baby, not theirs while you sleep until 12:00pm.
Drop the princess act, Apologize and move on.
Re: In laws complaints
Did you tell your PILs everything you wrote here? Explain to them that you didn't know what they liked and didn't like and you guys did what you thought would make them happy. Say sorry and tell her you understand their expecrations. Invite them over again and tell them you want to make things right. I am sure they will appreciate this.
Re: In laws complaints
tell them to F off 
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Desi In laws do these type of things 9 not all but its fairly common). No matter what you do, here will be complaints. Yes, even in arranged marriages and even when MIL brings her own bhanji. Just don't complain to them back an whenever they come visit you, do your best. The next time they come, don't take them out to restaurants as clearly they don't like that type of thing. They probably don't like being dropped off to movies alone when they came here to spend time with family. But the rest is just in law chatter. Ignore them. Hopefully your husband saw your intentions were good.
Re: In laws complaints
I really dislike tween-texting written out lyke dis. It makes my head hurt and I had to strain to read this.
From what I understand...you're upset because while they were here they seemed happy and now that they're gone, they're not?
Okay...ignore the in-laws.
You're in charge of your own baby, kitchen and home. She can help out a little here and there but I wouldn't want my MIL cooking meals in the kitchen everyday in my home. No way. I get upset if my mom tries to cook my kitchen everyday while she visits.
And please...if you want to be understood...its your responsibility to communicate clearly...meaning dnt wryte lyke dis.
Re: In laws complaints
Op, aap ko “insist” nahi karna chahiye tha k in-laws ko movie theatre drop off kia jaye. Insist is kind of like zidd karna and insaan insist tab karta hai jab agla banda 100% us ki idea se satisfied na ho. It seems like your husband wasn’t too sure about dropping them off to the theater, so you shouldn’t have pushed it even though you had good intentions. If your in-laws are not in the habit of doing something, it’s better to avoid it.
They are from the older generation and even if they tell you that they don’t mind cooking or doing xyz, they may later complain that they had to serve/help themselves. So, next time try your best to avoid having your mil do any work in the kitchen or elsewhere. And the next time she complains of a sprained ankle or a any other physical issue, don’t insist on having outings…ask her if she feels comfortable with walking outside, etc. Get her any necessary medication, etc.
All you can do is to apologize and clarify any misunderstandings. You can use the complaints to your advantage because now you and husband have a more clearer idea about what things to avoid in the future. So, in the future…when they come…and you and husband do things according to their preference and if they STILL complain…then you both will know that THEY are the ones who are being difficult 
If your husband is not mad at you…and is supportive of you…then you’re blessed. Just avoid insisting upon certain things in the future especially if he’s doubtful cuz he knows his parents better than you. The last thing you need is for your husband to blame you; so just be careful about that.
Lastly avoid complaining about in-laws to your husband. Even though he is also hurt by his parents’ reaction, nobody likes to hear anything negative about their family; it’s human nature. It’s better not to talk or dwell about this too much. Tension lenay se …ya fikar karne se…koi faida nahi. All you can do is apologize and take this as a learning experience.
Re: In laws complaints
It really is annoying when people harbour resentment and complain much later. Now, you just take their complaints in consideration but since its too late ignore. They should have spoken up before to their son if they wanted to do things their way. It's petty to bring things up when things are over.
Re: In laws complaints
^ agreed. Drama in laws.
Re: In laws complaints
Sorry about the bad text shortcuts lol
1) i insisted to let them go alone.they ve a 12 yr old son too who sticks to them everywhere so i insisted my husband to drop them n we keep my dewar
They thoroughly enjoyed the movie
2) they complained that they are getting bored which is why we planned to take them out but since she had strained ankle n it got worse after she went back.she blamed us that we didnt think of her feet n planned to take them out
They recalled several kinds of foods which they would wanto try.
3) i always asked her what to cook n she would ask me to keep meat or lentils out n she will cook.should i ve said no i will?
4) she wud knock at the door wen they wud hear my babys voice n wanted to take him which is why i used to hand him over to them .i didnt know they were thinking im relaxing n they shud look after him while i sleep
N for someone who said im putting up princess act .really?
I m honestly v confused
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Movie plan they made .i just made it sort of a date night for them lol
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They arent the old ones type.my saas is pretty young.47 max n looks even younger.
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I ve apologized already but i just feel so disappointed .thats all
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Why is F always in the OFF position?
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Sorry?
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N for someone who said im putting up princess act .really? I m honestly v confused
Yes, I said you're putting up a princess act. Really.
When you put up comments that you were never pampered by in laws because you had a love marriage, what else do you expect people to think? That sounds like an extremely pouty and petulant attitude. We don't know you here. All we have to go by and judge (yes, you are being judged) is what you write, and even then, it's your only your side of the story. I'm sure if anyone had the chance to talk to your husbands parents, they would have a different version of the story.
Your inlaws sound like typical high maintenance saas/sussar. Apologize and move on. You're lucky your husband supports you, isn't that enough?
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What does your husband want you to do about this? Have you two discussed this.
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I dont agree with ur opinion :) n that did not mean tht i want them to make me feel like a princess.they had a rude face with me in the first few months.hope it clears what i meant by that
Rest u said is a good piece of advice thanks :))
Re: In laws complaints
Sorry about the bad text shortcuts lol
1) i insisted to let them go alone.they ve a 12 yr old son too who sticks to them everywhere so i insisted my husband to drop them n we keep my dewar They thoroughly enjoyed the movie
2) they complained that they are getting bored which is why we planned to take them out but since she had strained ankle n it got worse after she went back.she blamed us that we didnt think of her feet n planned to take them out They recalled several kinds of foods which they would wanto try.
3) i always asked her what to cook n she would ask me to keep meat or lentils out n she will cook.should i ve said no i will?
4) she wud knock at the door wen they wud hear my babys voice n wanted to take him which is why i used to hand him over to them .i didnt know they were thinking im relaxing n they shud look after him while i sleep
N for someone who said im putting up princess act .really? I m honestly v confused
1) Next time don't insist. Ask your husband ....and he can ask his parents how they feel about something. But don't insist or push from your end.
2) Next time if anyone has a sprained ankle, toe, limb, anything....avoid going to places that require a lot of walking. The mall is a place where people have to walk quite a bit, so it may not have been the best plan. In such a situation, a sit-down place....such as a restaurant, .....or even just a long drive where in-laws can rest in the car and enjoy the scenery. When everyone is feeling well and capable of doing a lot walking....then you can plan trips to the mall and theme parks etc.
3) See, here's the thing.....some people play this weird game where they will offer you help and then use it against you. It's not a strictly Desi thing. You'll find this behavior in people of other races and in situations outside of the family....such as the workplace etc etc. You may have a coworker who offers to help you and then complains to a superior that you are incompetent. There was a member on here who had once complained that her in-laws offer to take care of her little ones and then complain to the husband that she inconvenienced them.
I know that not all in-laws are like this...exceptions do exist. However many Desi in-laws are from the older generation and they expect their bahus to pamper THEM...not the other way around. The reality is that everyone is an adult ...nobody is a bacha....nobody really needs pampering...and ideally everyone should have tolerance and give each other a break sometimes....but sadly that's not how it goes.
Some in-laws think that , "Hum itni door Pakistan se aaye hain...it's a long and exhausting journey ....we expect to be taken care of in every way and we should not have to do any sort of work at all. Even if we ask our bahu out of FORMALITY if she needs help....we should not actually have to lift a finger."
It could also be an insecurity issue in which case no matter what you do, the other person will find faults. There are cases where the in-laws will even complain that "Bahu didn't even let me wash the dishes or help with the cooking...she made me feel like an outsider in her home." So sometimes you lose either way.
4) I'm not trying to sour your mind toward your in-laws. In fact, I think it's best if you stop complaining about them to your husband because it may irritate him. Both of you should stop dwelling on it. You both should apologize, resolve to not make the same mistakes again, and move on. That way....if your in-laws complain again even after you and your husband did everything according to their wishes....then you'll know that THEY are the ones being difficult. And even then there's not much you can do. You won't be able to please everyone all of the time.
5) So long as your husband supports you, that's the most important thing at the end of the day. It makes it easier for you both to work as a team. So, move on it from OP. What's done is done. In-laws are gone and you have a baby to take care of.
Re: In laws complaints
Dai disagree with post 2 and 16 - focusing too much on one sentence that had pamper in it and missing the big picture.
OP has done nothing wrong here. As for baby being her responsibility, in laws woukd Complain about that also if they didn't get time to "pamper" baby.
Post 4 all the way