In my opinion.......to assume that one party will ALWAYS be innocent or is justified in behaving badly is NOT sensible.
A MOTHER........whether it is the** MOTHER of a son or a daughter will **ALWAYS be responsible for raising her child, educating her child. She does this whether her child is a male or a female. However you rarely see a mother getting upset that a son-in-law is taking her daughter away from her. You rarely see a mother complaining, "I raised my daughter, I sacrificed so much for her, we were so close, we were the best of friends, she is the apple of my eye. And although I would love for her get married and have kids of her own.........I can't believe my son-in-law will be taking my little girl away from me. Now she's going to love her husband more than me. Hmmm, maybe I should create problems between them so that she'll always remember my role in her life and never forget me. I am so JUSTIFIED in feeling jealous and I am so **JUSTIFIED in acting rudely toward my son-in-law because after all I am ***MOMMY...a being of lofty Islamic status, the one who raised my little princess."*
And one might argue that a mother never makes such complaints because she KNOWS that one day her daughter will get married n leave her. SORRY, but that's a weak argument. Just as a mother knows that one day her daughter has to get married and that her life will change.............she ALSO has to understand that one day her SON will ALSO get married and that his life will change as well.
NOBODY **is justified in treating another person badly. Nobody is **JUSTIFIED harboring negative feelings without concrete and valid reason. Even in Islam......we are not encouraged or allowed or justified to be "JEALOUS" of someone unless they are more pious than us.
When we start "finding excuses" and "justifying" wrong actions..........we land ourselves in trouble. You can't "justify" **giving someone the cold shoulder or giving them a dirty look because you feel jealous of them. Even Islam won't back up such faulty reasoning.....regardless of how elevated a mother's status is in Islam.**
So..........am I trashing the MIL and defending the DIL? ** NO!** They BOTH are responsible for doing their part in maintaining the peace in a family and showing tolerance and patience.
The problem arises because people forget that a MIL and WIFE can't be compared. These are TWO DIFFERENT **relationships. It's like comparing **apples to oranges......it CAN'T BE DONE. A mother cannot give her son what a wife can give him. A wife cannot give her husband what his mother can give him. A mother has different rights on her son. Similarly a wife has her own rights on her husband. It should not be a competitions. Instead of one party feeling "jealous" *and *"insecure" about the other.........they BOTH need to understand that their roles are different.
The same goes for sisters-in-law (SIL). A SISTER needs to understand that she can't compare her role in her brother's life to that of his wife. A sister and a wife have to different roles and they will interact with the "brother" in a different way that can't be compared. A wife too has rights over her husband (financial, emotional, etc)...which don't necessarily mean that he loves his parents or siblings any less. The love you have for your parents/siblings cannot compare to the love for your spouse.
Once people make the effort to understand this......it can calm things down. I think ALL PARTIES (MIL, FIL, DIL, SIL, and hubby/son/brother) need to try to fulfill the Islamic requirements of each role decently and all need to make a united effort to do what they can (assuming the best, overlooking faults, showing patience, having tolerance) to maintain peace in a family.
