Re: In-law problems
Desi version of Jerry Springer I swear.
Re: In-law problems
WOWW! Just wow! If my hubby were sleeping with his own sister on the bed, I would be uncomfortable! This girl did note ven grow up with your hubby! My hubby doesn't even hug his sisters. During my SIL's mehendi, they asked him to pick her up and drop her to the stage as it is a tradition. He said, "behenoon ko thori uthaya jata hai." Like he would put his arm around them for a pic or something like that but that is it. I try to hug my brother at times but he always runs away.
You need to lay some ground rules down STAT if you are going to stay with them. I can not even believe you didn't leave the moment it happened. I would not have cared about the drama. I am not even religious but it is just so wrong. You should have went and gotten the mattress for her, if she didn't go get it herself.
Anyways, please move out. Tell your husband that you are very uncomfortable with the situation.
I do not know what else to tell you.
Re: In-law problems
Yap..it is quiet wow. I mean grown up step sis going to ya're husband's room..this is uncomfortable situation. What amazing to me is that..ya're husband is not saying anything. Last year..we had some guests visiting. Their grown up teenage female member of the family...was hanging around my room most of the time. And trying to get close...interestingly..my older and youngest sister noticed and were very uncomfortable..so told her not to go in my room in nice way.
Re: In-law problems
:k: OP…I don’t think you understand what’s happening here but other people do. You love your husband and that’s all fine and dandy. But this girl…this little trouble maker will be the end of you if you don’t wisen up a bit. You’re acting foolish right now. I am amazed at your naivete…really.
Re: In-law problems
Oh n I think a dad and son can't marry mother and daughter. So even if there's closeness bw ur hubby n sis in law, then I don't think they can marry. Just saying but do double check.
Actually they can, but I dont think that this is really the problem. I think in this thread, we are creating a mountain out of mole.
Re: In-law problems
Fifteen year olds develop crushes, 15 yr olds fall in love ..blah blah blah.
This 15 year old , is your STEP SIL, and your hubby's STEP sister. Not his REAL blood sister either.
You posted your dilemma here, now you are defending everything. No one is implying anything, but wise up , before you come back and report that your marriage is going way south, and then what will you do?
Re: In-law problems
OP, your sil does not seem to be naive. just you are.
she first said she couldn't sleep alone, u went there, she kept you awake probably to irritate you to the verge so that so go back to ur room, she then came to ur room and slept on the same bed, and that too on ur husband's side, i mean why the hell she couldn't sleep on your side if she were to sleep on the same bed? then when you woke up ur husband and send him to another room, she made a fan excuse just so she can go to the another room where ur husband had moved. i mean cant you see a motive here?
dont deceive urself by saying that she is just 15. she is 15 not 5 that you are not taking her actions seriously. many teenage girls develop crushes and she seem to have one on ur husband. and i am sorry to say that ur husband attitude is giving her more leeway. fighting with you over your just request that he should go again sleeping in your own room the other day, would have only given your sil an idea that ur husband is with her and not you and he is fighting with you for her. this kind of attitude by ur husband would make your sil fancy him more.
i very much doubt that your husband is taking her as his sister only, he is enjoying to have a teenage crush. he might not be serious with her and might not fallen for her or anything but certainly he is leading her on and enjoying it on some other level.
if he really loves you that much and seeing that you are not at ease with his sil or mil then he could have moved out on your request in order to keep sanity into his own marriage. because your in-laws in question here are not his own mother or own sis that he might feel obliged to live with them.
does your husband has siblings? if yes then please talk to them about all this, they might talk some sense into their brother and convince him to move out.
Re: In-law problems
Okay this is just weird as ****.
Re: In-law problems
Leaving aside everything - just to answer your question about how to get to the husband.
I think you really need to sit him aside and voice your concerns.
He shouldn't dismiss them as stupid; because after all they are YOUR concerns and as your partner he has a duty to ease them or confirm them.
If he persists to take the sister seriously; I'd definately talk to the FIL.
Be careful to the leave the accusations out of your tone - just mention that you're trying to help SIL settle in properly into her new family but you fear that its costing you, your marriage.
Suggest to both the husband and the FIL that you'd like to set aside specific times to hang out with the SIL and set a curfew when she has to go back with to her room at night.
I wouldnt bring up the bed thing - that gives things an ugly twist. Should the above work; you'll never find yourself in such a perdicament again.
I wouldnt leave the house either. I think this girl is definately not all innocent and all. I'm not leaving meat out for the dog to eat. I'd be there and keep a watchful ( be it silent) eye out on the situation.
Good luck.
Re: In-law problems
Waisai Blogger -- mera mian hota tho mey usai thudai mukhai mar mar kar teekh kar deythi.
Behan ho ya somehting else I'm first.
The only person I'd ever make room for is his mother; biological mother at that.
Everyone else is 2nd
Re: In-law problems
If this is legit… LOL wow. I feel so sorry for you.
Not because your husband and his step sister are, as Muniya said, getting their cheap thrills, but because you’re blaming her “insecurities” and her needing a father figure on such odd behavior.
If she’s so in need of a father figure, maybe someone ought to remind her that her mother re-married and she does have a real father, step or not, to turn to.
As far as being close to him as a brother, na mehram aside, siblings of the same blood aren’t even allowed to share the same room, so forget about the same bed.
Kinda sick that your hubby doesn’t see anything wrong with this…
Then again, there have been so many plot twists in the last 4 pages for this to be a legit deal, from the villain chalak MIL who dropped her dying husband to marry a new guy, and so on.
:headspinningandwhatnot:
Re: In-law problems
how good-lookin is this 15 yr old exactly? the problem with men is, if you bring their attention to a girl who is interested in them some how (teenage crush) they might enjoy the attention and not want it to go away. your husband will prob pretend he doesn't see what you've noticed and keep going on with this "brotherly" new role. but subconciously, knowing that this young girl has a crush on him, he might start paying more attention to her in "that" way if u know what i mean.
if I were you, I'd forget abt discussing this with husband. I'd get the girl a new boy (cuter than your hubby) to have a crush on. This means you need to start taking her out to the mall, other teenage type activities IN YOUR HUSBAND'S ABSENCE. Like someone else suggested, try to get her to develop friendships and interests elsewhere and she'll forget abt ur hubby in no time. invite her friends over (boys and girls) all the time and set up movie dates etc for them. in fact, send her out with her friends in evenings too when you want to spend alone time with your husband :)
whatever you do, don't discuss this with your husband. if he understands your problem and starts ignoring her, this will actually make her crush grow bigger and she will be more desperate to get his attention. and being a 15 yr old, she's capable of many more stupid things that we cannot even imagine.
Re: In-law problems
Ew this is gross. If my husband defended him sleeping with a 15 year old I would be out of there SO fast with or without him.
Re: In-law problems
Its just not normal for a 15 year old girl to want to share a bed with a married couple. My SIX year old niece sleeps on her own bed - how is this behavior excusable for a 15 year old?
I don't know your husband's intentions...because SHE is following HIM.
There are two things you need to do:
First thing would be to make up with your husband ASAP. Say sorry if you have to.
Gently help him see that his "sister" is now a young girl and needs to learn more about propriety for her own good.
Re: In-law problems
OP, like people have said, get things right with your husband. Make up, have a nice dinner etc. Ask him if the two of you can spend the night alone, and ask him to deal with the "sister". When he's all drugged up on food, have the talk about boundaries, but do it without accusing him or getting emotional. Religious arguments, your own discomfort, lack of alone time as a couple, are all valid reasons for why your SIL needs to back off. Don't criticize the SIL either, just talk to him calmly about how the situation makes you feel and about how the two of you can work together to reach a win-win.
Either that or start preparing for your next thread 4 months from now: HELP! My husband wants his step sister as his second wife. Is this normaaal?
Re: In-law problems
I was eight when I stayed at my aunt's place. I couldn't go to sleep so she told me to sleep on her bed with her in the middle. I was like NO WAY! I was eight and I was uncomfortable sleeping with a married couple… this was when I had no knowledge about anything!
It is just so weird that you three slept in a QUEEN bed with a 15 year old.. and later just ur hubby with a 15 year old!!!
Hubby and I had a queen bed before and we rarely felt comfy on it.. I cant ven imagine having another person there. Plus, why were you not in the middle?
Re: In-law problems
Cheap thrills? Again, I doubt the husband has ill intentions and here's why:
He was sleeping when the stepsister plops herself next to him. He may not even have known. When his wife told him to move to the other bedroom so that the two ladies can be left alone......he obliged, he didn't resist. That doesn't sound like he's getting a cheap thrill.
He goes to the other room and let's say he's the kind to fall asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow and a deep sleep at that....maybe he wasn't fully aware that the stepsister went to his bedroom again. Maybe he didn't even open his eyes to see who it was and assumed it was his wife.
The thing is we don't know what happened between the two in that bedroom before the wife came in and demanded the husband to take her home. He got mad at his wife.....yes, he should have straightened out the stepsister......BUT if it's really late in the night and he's dead tired.....I don't blame him for being cranky and not wanting to get dressed and go driving.
If he had sided with the wife, maybe the girl would have cried and the whole house would have woken up causing tension in the family. The husband's reaction does not necessarily indicate that he's getting a cheap thrill.
I may ave thought that if the bed incident happened often or if him and the stepsister go on outings on their own often.....but they don't even leave the home without the wife.......we haven't heard of him giving stepsis any gifts or cheap compliments or getting touchy feely with her or staring her up and down and following her with his eyes....to so confidently say that he's getting a cheap thrill or that he's interested in her.
Now the girl on the other hand......
she wasn't asleep....her mind was not in a sleep-induced-incoherency state. She was awake...and more aware of her actions.
The first time she went into their room...she could have slept next to the OP instead of next to her husband. But she didn't.
The fan is not a reasonable excuse and OP should have been clever enuf to stop her and adjust the fan settings or give her another chaadar or send her to her neglectful mommy's room.
Fan was a lame excuse. And the girl, for the SECOND time (a repeat offense) goes to the husband. He might not have been thinking clearly out of sleepiness.....at least he has this excuse.....but what excuse does she have? None! She can't even use her age as an excuse cuz 15-year-olds tend to know better unless there's an intellectual impairment.
Re: In-law problems
i think the OP made a huge mistake by mentioning the bed thing, which was blown out of proportions by life1 populace. the original event wasnt even a big deal but now everyone has made up their own ideas that the girl slept in the middle, slept alone with the husband...
this really is just a simple case of OP wanting privacy with her hubby, while the step sister seems to be an awkward, possibly socially inept, teen who has no one to hang out with always trying to join in with the newlyweds. OP wants ideas on how to put an end to this.
Re: In-law problems
finally someone is understanding my problem! All i want is to get out of this house and far far away from the current confusing state that my in laws family is in! Although sil acts very caring and all but she doesn't take a hint when i tell her off which makes me whining, cranky and in a perpetual bad mood which is driving him away from me and obviously towards her as she is ALWAYS there! EVEN NOW as i write this!
Re: In-law problems
Cheap thrills? Again, I doubt the husband has ill intentions and here's why:
He was sleeping when the stepsister plops herself next to him. He may not even have known. When his wife told him to move to the other bedroom so that the two ladies can be left alone......he obliged, he didn't resist. That doesn't sound like he's getting a cheap thrill.
He goes to the other room and let's say he's the kind to fall asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow and a deep sleep at that....maybe he wasn't fully aware that the stepsister went to his bedroom again. Maybe he didn't even open his eyes to see who it was and assumed it was his wife.
The thing is we don't know what happened between the two in that bedroom before the wife came in and demanded the husband to take her home. He got mad at his wife.....yes, he should have straightened out the stepsister......BUT if it's really late in the night and he's dead tired.....I don't blame him for being cranky and not wanting to get dressed and go driving.
If he had sided with the wife, maybe the girl would have cried and the whole house would have woken up causing tension in the family. The husband's reaction does not necessarily indicate that he's getting a cheap thrill.
I may ave thought that if the bed incident happened often or if him and the stepsister go on outings on their own often.....but they don't even leave the home without the wife.......we haven't heard of him giving stepsis any gifts or cheap compliments or getting touchy feely with her or staring her up and down and following her with his eyes....to so confidently say that he's getting a cheap thrill or that he's interested in her.
Now the girl on the other hand......
she wasn't asleep....her mind was not in a sleep-induced-incoherency state. She was awake...and more aware of her actions.
The first time she went into their room...she could have slept next to the OP instead of next to her husband. But she didn't.
The fan is not a reasonable excuse and OP should have been clever enuf to stop her and adjust the fan settings or give her another chaadar or send her to her neglectful mommy's room.
Fan was a lame excuse. And the girl, for the SECOND time (a repeat offense) goes to the husband. He might not have been thinking clearly out of sleepiness.....at least he has this excuse.....but what excuse does she have? None! She can't even use her age as an excuse cuz 15-year-olds tend to know better unless there's an intellectual impairment.
THIS!
Thing is if something was really going on with the sister and husband, then they wouldn't be stupid enough to make it obvious and sleep together in the same bed as the wife would they?! IF something was actually going on, then they wouldn't be doing it so overtly would they?