Let me just start by saying my dad in law is probably the best anyone can have and so is my husbands entire family. Mom in law passed away when my husband was really young. my parents married into the family thinking it was most closest to what our family dynamics are.
But an year after our marriage my dad in law got married again without consulting my husband hence there have been some friction from the start but I told him not to interfere as at that time we lived in a different city and occasionally met the in laws on vacations but than a year later my husband got posted to the same city as my in laws and we shifted in with them. My mil has a 15 yr old daughter who is very clingy and doesn’t let us go alone ever and she is always always in our bedroom hogging over everything mine and I’m not to my independence so it annoys me alot. Everything I shop, eat or do never goes unnoticed and is discussed on the dining table.
Also sometimes I just want to be alone with my husband on weekend as his work hours are longer so he comes home really late but my sil doesn’t take the hint and never leaves. I’m not the confrontational type so I’m never able to say out loud what I feel because if which I’m always irritated and annoyed and take it all out on my husband. Because of this my husband I think now enjoys his family’s company more than mine so even when we do get time to spend alone or get a chance to go alone he would always bring the sil along.
Once we were staying at a guest house and she was scared to sleep alone so she asked me to sleep with her and I did but she kept waking me up so I said I will go back and sleep and she also came to sleep with us and instead of getting a mattress from the other room she slept on the same bed. I got ready pissed at that because 1) bed is a personal space for couples 2) she is my husbands step sister, na mehram and I’m very particular about that!
My mil is another story so won’t be discussing that but the whole thing is I’ve become depressed over time and don’t talk to anyone anymore even my husband. Everytime I suggest moving out my husband, he doesn’t get my discomfort and blames me that I don’t make effort to blend in and I always whine about the grass being greener else where
How do I convince my husband to move out? What do I do? I’m so hopeless
15 year old? .. in same bed as you and your hubby? .. She is like a sister to him? … Didnt their parents just marry recently? .. I’m like, its not that they “grew up together” ke behen bhai ka itna ehsaas jaag raha hai .. just saying
Your husband was already a married adult when your fil remarried a women with a grown daughter, correct? your husband didn’t grow up with this girl, so I’m cofused to how he has such a close bond with her that he doesn’t find it odd that she gets into bed with you guys?
Also, if your parents in law are so religious, how can they can be comfortable with a 15 yr old female getting into close, physical proximity of a non mehram? There is zero relation between your adult husband and his teen age step sister…they are not mehram!!
My mother remarried when I was 20 years old. Her husband had two children from a previous marriage, who were 8 and 10 when they married and there has never been a familial bond between us. It was always "they are his children and my siblings and I are my mothers children)
You say your inlaws are very religious, but do they realize that this 15 year old step-sister is a na mehram to your husband? Doesn't your husband realise that?
"And say to the faithful women to lower their gazes, and to guard their private parts, and not to display their beauty except what is apparent of it, and to extend their headcoverings (khimars) to cover their bosoms (jaybs), and not to display their beauty except to their husbands, or their fathers, or their husband's fathers, or their sons, or their husband's sons, or their brothers, or their brothers' sons, or their sisters' sons, or their womenfolk, or what their right hands rule (slaves), or the followers from the men who do not feel sexual desire, or the small children to whom the nakedness of women is not apparent, and not to strike their feet (on the ground) so as to make known what they hide of their adornments. And turn in repentance to Allah together, O you the faithful, in order that you are successful." (Surah nur:31)
Make him and/or your inlaws read that ayah, clearly your husband isn't in that list for her.
I understand that you aren't confrontational but you need to speak up here. Because, it's just so wrong!
well my husband is really attached to his family aka his dad so when he got married and we started living under the same roof, my husband got close to them as well and since the sil is always in our room, goes everywhere we go and does everything we do, they formed a bond. which is fine as long as limits aren't crossed and in this case it was! but my husband doesn't see it this way. he thinks i don't make enough efforts to mingle up with his family.
i did! i have told my husband i don't like his closeness to his sister and it was a proper civil discussion. even the day she slept on the same bed, i woke my husband up to go sleep in her room but than in the middle of the night the sil woke up saying the fan is on really fast and went to the room where my husband was sleeping leaving me alone. i got really mad at my husband and woke him up and told him that we should go home... my husband got really mad at me and asked me to leave his home, my entire family lives in another city and i couldn't go without stirring problems, i kept quite over it though it still bothers me.
i did, which is why i was almost kicked out of the house. please tell me what to do? to save my marriage as i really love my husband and i want us to shift out ASAP
The bed fiasco is over and done with, can’t undo it. Perhaps if she had been been more vocal that night…who knows how the girl might have reacted? She could have broke out crying and woken everybody up only to have garnered their sympathies and making OP look like the villain. Besides her own mother and husband see nothing wrong with her behavior. They are enablers.
This is really bizarre. Is the girl just as clingy with her mother? If mom was the only one she had…wouldn’t she have felt insecure of mom’s remarriage to your FIL and as a result become more possessive of mom’s attention and time? Here she’s ulta clingy with you and it seems fishy.
How is her behavior with your husband? How is MIL’s behavior with you…as in does she feel threatened by you?
The whole bed drama…the way I see it is that when she asked you to sleep with her, she was keeping you away from your husband. When you decided to go back to your room, she joined you in your bed…again keeping you away from your husband. I don’t know where exactly she slept on your bed…if she slept on the outer edge allowing you and husband to be next to each other, it’s one thing. But if she positioned herself in between you and your husband…she’s keeping you away from your husband.
I’ve seen really clueless and immature adolescents, but this doesn’t seem entirely innocent to me. I don’t know if she has an agenda or even if her mom has something to do with this. I’m not accusing her but her behavior is ott. Not sure what the solution would be, but u making accusations will worsen things. How is your relationship with your FIL? Could you take him into confidence and request that he not tell your MIL or the girl that you approached him as that would fuel tension in the home…and request that he admonish the girl and talk to ur husband as though it were HIS OWN observation?
Blogger I do feel for u. Though AH I m not in the same situation as u but m also facing joint family in law probs where I d rather move out but can't and no one sees my point of view or understands me.
I know it's difficult to implement the best advice but do keep at it.
U don't want to keep nagging him cuz if ur hubby starts to think u r just after his family/sis then it won't get u anywhere. Sigh! Reminds me of my situation.
Anyhoo Gluck.
Oh n I think a dad and son can't marry mother and daughter. So even if there's closeness bw ur hubby n sis in law, then I don't think they can marry. Just saying but do double check.
i even the day she slept on the same bed, i woke my husband up to go sleep in her room but than in the middle of the night** the sil woke up saying the fan is on really fast and went to the room where my husband was sleeping leaving me alone**. .
So you're saying that your step sister in law and your husband were sleeping on the same bed together alone without you then even? Okay
So you're saying that your step sister in law and your husband were sleeping on the same bed together alone without you then even? Okay
^that is what I understood and If I understood correctly..no one who is remotely religious would not tolerate this type of behavior..........heck even if they aren't religious at all they still would not be okay with it. I think I'm missing something here.............
I didn't tolerate it which is why we had a really bad fight. but i don't doubt my husbands loyalty but i do doubt his intelligence on this.Instead of taking out all anger at me he should have scolded his sister but he didn't plus the fact that he tolerated something like this and didn't see any wrong with it has me completely worried.
the thing with sil is her mother divorced her father when he was on his death bed due to cancer and married my husbands father and to top it all she is a gyne doc who is never at home and has now adopted her brothers daughter who is just 6 months old. Obviously the sil is insecure and disturbed!
I think sil looks at my husband as a fatherly/brotherly figure she doesn't have but in that process she is ruining my relationship with my husband as we never have any time together and because of all this i am getting so cranky that i feel he has started to enjoy sil company over mine!
I love my husband and don't want the marriage to end but things aren't so well between us. We use to be really close and now we hardly talk!
