What are the pros and cons. What kinds of red flags to watch out for? How do you investigate families abroad?
What kinds of expectations do the guys have? Do you think they’re more traditional in Pakistan ? My experience has been that often they’re more sensible and responsible and grown up than the guys here who seem to play too many video games or are promiscuous or religiously confused - aka the long bearded MSA guy who refuses to talk to girls cuz some Arab told him he will go to hell.
Sure many guys from back home are total jahils but what about the educated guys back in Pakistan who hold decent jobs and are doing ok there because they have some skills and they work hard ?
This pertains to girls importing grooms from back home only, not the other way around.
but what about the educated guys back in Pakistan who hold decent jobs and are doing ok there because they have some skills and they work hard ? .
Those types of men usually don't feel the need to be "imported" abroad. If they're educated and hold decent jobs, they are likely to have a rather good standard of living back home, have loads of marriage prospects locally and don't feel the need to look abroad for prospects or be "imported." If they have skills, hold a decent job and work hard and are looking to settle abroad, they usually do it on their own and not via marriage. My fiance works with a couple of such gentlemen.
I'm not saying that this is always the case because everyone's situation is different, but it's what I've noticed.
men back home look forward to such opportunities to get a green card...there is always this risk that the man may walk away from the marriage bond as soon as he gets his status. this is a real risk and girls importing the husbands must keep that in mind and act accordingly.
i think finding a "shareef laRkaa" from a "shareef Khaandaan" is the key to success.
Those types of men usually don't feel the need to be "imported" abroad. If they're educated and hold decent jobs, they are likely to have a rather good standard of living back home, have loads of marriage prospects locally and don't feel the need to look abroad for prospects or be "imported." If they have skills, hold a decent job and work hard and are looking to settle abroad, they usually do it on their own and not via marriage. My fiance works with a couple of such gentlemen.
I'm not saying that this is always the case because everyone's situation is different, but it's what I've noticed.
r u serious? with the economic and law and order situation in Pakistan, this seems far fetched.
^ Like I said, EVERYONE'S SITUATION IS DIFFERENT. I'm just describing the situation of the people that I have met that fit the description PCG gave (educated, hard working, rather well off guys).
Like I said, EVERYONE'S SITUATION IS DIFFERENT. I'm just describing the situation of the people that I have met that fit the description PCG gave (educated, rather well off guys).
well, your sampling is very small and it's like a drop in the ocean...i get your point though...thanx for the explanation! :)
^Well, yes, my sampling is bound to be small. :) The only ones I know are acquaintances/coworkers/friends of my brother and my fiance. It's not like I interview loads of random dudes :p
^Well, yes, my sampling is bound to be small. :) The only ones I know are acquaintances/coworkers/friends of my brother and my fiance. It's not like I interview loads of random dudes :p
chaleN koii baat nahiiN...mujhe Khushii hai k aapko ek nek banda mil gayaa! :)
I would strongly advise against importing a groom from Pakistan. I have a number of close friends who have done so and they are all 1) now un-engaged, 2) divorced or 3) extremely unhappy.
Example 1: a distant cousin (extremely intelligent girl living a broad, a practising attorney) marries a guy in the UK where she lives. At the time he was also in the UK studying to get his MBA. Fast forward 6 months into their marriage she is pregnant and he has decided he will not work and that they should live with her family because it's cheaper. She continues working up until she gives birth pretty much and the whole time he keeps taking money of her and refusing to work. It also comes to light that he is cheating on her. To make a long story short, their marriage lasted maybe 2 years. She is now , divorced, 25 with a beautiful daughter and ex hubby was reported to immigration for trying to use her to get a visa and is now back in Pakistan begging her to take him back.
Example 2: please read my thread Advice Needed for a friend/mobile phone etc. please note this guy was a doctor and "educated." Apparently.
Example 3: friend marries her FIRST cousin from Pakistan. He comes here and is studying at uni while she supports him and even does his assignments for him. He spends his time cheating on her and stealing her money. They too ended in divorce.
This is not to say that all guys in Pakistan are this way (although I do know of many more examples ) but there must be a very very very careful screening process and honestly even then it's too easy to be fooled, as was the case for my friend in example 2. I didn't have my nikkah done until 25 and I too had the occasional person saying I was getting "old" and to just go back home to get married but I was adamant and Allahmdullilah I am glad I waited because I don't think I could have married someone from there.
Just because you are 30, that most certainly does not mean you are doomed. Women are generally marrying later now due to education, careers etc. If you are willing to consider someone from Pakistan my only advice would be DO NOT RUSH...do a careful screening process, ask around and get to know the guy properly before committing. That in itself would take 6-12 months to be 1000000% positive and even then you would need to take responsibility for helping him make a career etc once he arrives in your home country which by no means is an easy task. HOWEVER, if of course the guy is genuine you wouldn't mind this but if he is (God forbid) like any of the guys cited above that is a bad bad situation.
I should also add...be very careful is using the services of a rishta person in Pakistan. I know of two cases (one friend one 3rd cousin) who did that and both ended badly because the rishta guys had basically lined up potentials who wanted a visa and very nicely played the "we are wonderful" role until the marriage was done. A lot of these rishta people simply don't care and want to just pocket your money.
Those types of men usually don't feel the need to be "imported" abroad. If they're educated and hold decent jobs, they are likely to have a rather good standard of living back home, have loads of marriage prospects locally and don't feel the need to look abroad for prospects or be "imported." If they have skills, hold a decent job and work hard and are looking to settle abroad, they usually do it on their own and not via marriage. My fiance works with a couple of such gentlemen.
I'm not saying that this is always the case because everyone's situation is different, but it's what I've noticed.
i second this.
this is the very wrong perception that all guys in Pakistan are dying to move abroad via marriage.
the ones who are qualified/ have decent jobs and doing so well in Pakistan do not look for moving abroad and yes those who want to for lifestyle/security issues etc do it on their own by securing employment abroad or by investing in some business venture abroad.
also there are guys who though make modest money still rejects the idea to marry someone just to get the immigration to the foreign country. they prefer to struggle rather than using someone as a ticket to their dreams.
r u serious? with the economic and law and order situation in Pakistan, this seems far fetched.
not really. more than a dozen people i know in my organization who are US & UK returns. they are US & UK nationals, have every opportunity to stay back there and work but preferred to return to their home country.
all the top notch teachers/doctors/professionals in Pakistan do not find it hard to secure good jobs overseas but they prefer not to move abroad even in this bad economic & law n order situation.
Marrying is a big gamble for us desis anyway. We don't invest our time to find our life partner when the time is right (between 20 to 25) because we have other priorities. Our parents will not encourage us or take steps themselves to make sure that their children get married at suitable age.
If you marry some ABCD, there are chances that the guy will have confused religious/social values, promiscuous lifestyle, drinking, and cheating like you mentioned. If you marry a guy from Pakistan then there are chances that he will dump you after getting immigration, will take money from you and make your life miserable. There is not much difference, pros and cons are the same of both indigenous and imported groom.
You should take care, screen-out and find out more about the family whether in US or Pak. I also have countless examples of people in my extended family and village whose daughters from UK, USA married to guys back in Pakistan (some cousin marriages, some outside family) and they are living happily. Never heard that those guys after landing there became evil or ran away with some Puerto Rican or are not working. Yes there will be issues but so far I have not heard of any bitter endings.
You are living in USA and if you want to import a groom (perfectly fine) then set some rules. You probably know better which occupations in US are easy to get jobs in, what type of skills, education, experience is required. Use this criteria to find suitable person so that he doesn't financially depend on you. I think it is an important consideration. A guy who sits idle and doesn't take financial responsibility of his wife+kids is more likely to be abusive and manipulative in the later stages of the marriage than a guy busy in his job/business. But do remember not everyone can earn like Bill Gates or Malik Riaz.
As male-female interactions are very limited there, the love at first sight is pretty common so watch out. As a westerner you will be considered liberal, open and frank (your attire, way of talking etc.). Some local guys don't like that at all. Find out if the guy has some doubts (conspiracy theories) about the west and western civilization and the life overall. You don't want to end up with the person who judges you, the way you talk, wear, walk etc. Communicate your preferences for a husband clearly and openly. Make him understand what type of person you want so that he can make informed decision. Any sensible guy will object or raise a question if he doesn't agree with you. This way you can then judge his personality and his likes and dislikes. Use your family links in Pakistan to inquire more about his family but don't depend on them completely. Especially if your link has a hatta-katta jawan munda waiting for marriage :D
I think a settled guy in Pakistan with job/business is less likely to suddenly move abroad and is probably already married. If you find someone ready to fly the next available flight, then don't consider him.
You probably know better which occupations in US are easy to get jobs in, what type of skills, education, experience is required. Use this criteria to find suitable person so that he doesn't financially depend on you. I think it is an important consideration.
If you find someone ready to fly the next available flight, then don't consider him.
I think this is quite important as it can help weed out guys that would only be using you to move abroad. I especially agree with the second part. An established professional will not be ready to fly the next available flight and it makes sense, why would someone who has worked extremely hard to get ahead in their profession and establish themselves leave it all at a the drop of a hat and let their hard work go waste? And more so, for an uncertain future abroad where they will likely have to start over from scratch? Anyone, who would is extremely suspect.
With the recent violence and growing extremism back in Pakistan I'd think people would want to leave
The types of guys you or certain NRP girls would be be interested in, chances are they won't leave Pakistan for any coloured passport as life for them is already beyond comfortable in Pakistan in every possible way. The bomb blasts and daily violence you see in news doesn't really put life on standstill in posh areas.
