diwana
August 15, 2011, 2:30pm
21
Re: importing groom from home country :-\
Place is of great importance in arranged marriages. If I am in ‘love’ with a guy, I can live with him anywhere in the world. But when my parents are looking for a guy for me, I would like to continue to live where I am already living to be with my family since they the the ones whom I love more than my future husband whom I don’t even know yet.
For children born and bred outside Pakistan, especially in UK, US and Canada, moving to Pakistan is a big culture shock. Many of them can’t live in our ‘backward’ country for few days, let alone their whole lives. We all know what problems nadz is going through after moving to Pakistan after her marriage. Besides, our country doesn’t seem to be an ideal place to live in this world (sad but true), so parents who are already settled abroad think its a good idea to ‘import’ the husband for their daughter rather than send their daughter to live in Pakistan, when they don’t find a reasonable match for their daughter in the country they live . On the other hand, **many guys in Pakistan would like to move abroad because of good opportunities and they don’t mind using marriage as a means to settle abroad.
So the need is on both the sides, the girl as well as the guy.** I really find all this wierd . I think, the guys would lose their self-respect when they rukhsat to be with their wives and it is obviously known by both the parties the ‘real’ reason for marriage. One of the girls I know is extremely obese but she got a smart and educated guy because of her UK citizen. The guy is now settled with his wife in UK. I feel there must always be some awkwardness between husband and wife in such marriages. Besides, there is higher risk that the guy might walk out of marriage when he gets his stay.
I think you are discussing many issues at the same time.
If place is so important then BEFORE marriage that needs to be clarified.
Plus, even if it happens that one partner has to change the place for a reason, and other does not agree and asks for separation/divorce then what I said is valid.
The love and commitment is lacking.