importing groom from home country :-\

[diwana]

Re: importing groom from home country :-\

Place is of great importance in arranged marriages. If I am in 'love' with a guy, I can live with him anywhere in the world. But when my parents are looking for a guy for me, I would like to continue to live where I am already living to be with my family since they the the ones whom I love more than my future husband whom I don't even know yet.

For children born and bred outside Pakistan, especially in UK, US and Canada, moving to Pakistan is a big culture shock. Many of them can't live in our 'backward' country for few days, let alone their whole lives. We all know what problems nadz is going through after moving to Pakistan after her marriage. Besides, our country doesn't seem to be an ideal place to live in this world (sad but true), so parents who are already settled abroad think its a good idea to 'import' the husband for their daughter rather than send their daughter to live in Pakistan, when they don't find a reasonable match for their daughter in the country they live. On the other hand, **many guys in Pakistan would like to move abroad because of good opportunities and they don't mind using marriage as a means to settle abroad.

So the need is on both the sides, the girl as well as the guy.** I really find all this wierd. I think, the guys would lose their self-respect when they rukhsat to be with their wives and it is obviously known by both the parties the 'real' reason for marriage. One of the girls I know is extremely obese but she got a smart and educated guy because of her UK citizen. The guy is now settled with his wife in UK. I feel there must always be some awkwardness between husband and wife in such marriages. Besides, there is higher risk that the guy might walk out of marriage when he gets his stay.

I think you are discussing many issues at the same time.

If place is so important then BEFORE marriage that needs to be clarified.

Plus, even if it happens that one partner has to change the place for a reason, and other does not agree and asks for separation/divorce then what I said is valid.

The love and commitment is lacking.

[Enigmatic]

Re: importing groom from home country :-\

the business of import and export isn't always successful in short... :p

IMO the person who's moving has to make a lot of sacrifices whether they are the imported husband or wife. So if anyone is up for it and if the next person too is willing to accept that their spouse would need a lot of support to adjust then fair enough

[Sara516]

Re: importing groom from home country :-\

One of the girls I know is extremely obese but she got a smart and educated guy because of her UK citizen. The guy is now settled with his wife in UK. I feel there must always be some awkwardness between husband and wife in such marriages. Besides, there is higher risk that the guy might walk out of marriage when he gets his stay.

Right, because god forbid a girl brought up and raised out of Pakistan have anything more to offer a spouse than her nationality?

[Jolie]

Re: importing groom from home country :-\

I know a crazy family here in UK who import both brides and grooms (mainly cousins of course) from Pakistan just so the partner with the British nationality has the 'upper hand' in the relationship. They think their pathetic brown Sahib snobbery and superior complex is a lifelong trick to keep the imported partner feeling intimidated and backward.

[Ashy2010]

Re: importing groom from home country :-\

I think you are discussing many issues at the same time.

If place is so important then BEFORE marriage that needs to be clarified.

Plus, even if it happens that one partner has to change the place for a reason, and other does not agree and asks for separation/divorce then what I said is valid.

The love and commitment is lacking.

The love is not presence since the very beginning in an arranged rishta. You are right that these issues should be discussed well in advance. However, these things are not totally on control of a person and if a husband has to move somewhere else, I don't think its an issue which should be a basis for a wife to get divorce from her husband.

Right, because god forbid a girl brought up and raised out of Pakistan have anything more to offer a spouse than her nationality?

Even if a girl born and bred outside Pakistan has much more to offer to her husband, if a guy is marrying her for the sole purpose of getting settled abroad, there is much risk involved since most of the guys and their families back in Pakistan do consider girls bred outside Pakistan as NOT shareef and much more liberal and modern and they fear that these girls lack the ability to be good wives. When majority of the guys and their families in the West try to get 'seedhi and shareef' girls from back home for shaadi, imagine what the guys and their families back home would think of us when they judge us for our sharafat and ability to become good wives.

[kurripunjaban]

Re: importing groom from home country :-\

@Ashy2010

One of the girls I know is extremely obese but she got a smart and educated guy because of her UK citizen. The guy is now settled with his wife in UK. I feel there must always be some awkwardness between husband and wife in such marriages. Besides, there is higher risk that the guy might walk out of marriage when he gets his stay.

Yeah…because extremely obese girls have nothing else to offer at all.

[ZareenKhan]

Re: importing groom from home country :-\

@kurripunjaban

Yeah…because extremely obese girls have nothing else to offer at all.

LolS.

Maybe the obese girl had something else going for her like a good heart, good personality or even a good face. Obesity can be taken care of though i know most of us would not take such a chance while picking our partner but some people look beyond the physical attraction.

But I think what ashy is trying to point out is that alot of people wouldnt go for say the obese, short, dark, uneducated girl/boy in a normal case no matter how good they be as a human being! but if they come with an materialistic attraction like a foreign citizenship or a good bank balance, they would happily go for it.

[kurripunjaban]

Re: importing groom from home country :-\

^ I sincerely hope you sensed the sarcasm in my post :)

[skhan]

Re: importing groom from home country :-\

You are all missing the point, geography doesn't matter but the impact it has had on one's "imported" spouse's mentality/personality does. This is what leads to all sorts of problems when these elements clash in a marriage. Like someone else said, I still don't understand why people have to resort to this tactic. There is no shortage of eligible guys/girls in either country. Now if there is an ulterior motive than simply a happy marriage, then that's a whole different issue......

PS. Regarding all the politically correct outrage on the obese UK citizen comment.........PLEASE. Wake up and welcome to the big bad world. That's how it works.

[Shak]

Re: importing groom from home country :-\

^ I sincerely hope you sensed the sarcasm in my post :)

Aap kab se tashreeh le aain hain yahan pe? Koi paani shaani bottle shottle manguaon?

[Gaia]

Re: importing groom from home country :-\

@qtchick

This question is from all the guys who got married with girl living abroad. And then they also moved there to live with wife. Mostly this is seen that Pakistanis living abroad try hard finding their daughters match in Pakistan. No matter how much cultural difference there is. I feel it little weird. Not because of guys getting married but guys moving to other country after getting married. It is really akward. If parents think pakii guys are really good why they don’t send their daughters to pak

Ermmm why exactly is it awkward? Obviously the Pakistani guys aren’t forced into this.

Or wait, you’re not jealous that us foreign girls are taking your men, are you:faizy:?

[jia323]

Re: importing groom from home country :-\

i ve actually seen someone saying that" my husband 's sisiter is now very nice to me theyall know inki pak m eokaat kiya thi shukar nahi karta englaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnndddddddddddddddd a gay he peeche pak me itni achi kothi ban gayi he " and i wa speechless thinking about what to sa

I think you are discussing many issues at the same time. waht to say weired isnt it If place is so important then EFORE marriage that needs to be clarified.

Plus, even if it happens that one partner has to change the place for a reason, and other does not agree and asks for separation/divorce then what I said is valid.

The love and commitment is lacking.

[Shak]

Re: importing groom from home country :-\

^ aap ka keyboard mujhe speechless kar raha hai

[diwana]

Re: importing groom from home country :-\

The love is not presence since the very beginning in an arranged rishta. You are right that these issues should be discussed well in advance. However, these things are not totally on control of a person and if a husband has to move somewhere else, I don't think its an issue which should be a basis for a wife to get divorce from her husband.

........

We all know love s not there in usual sense in pure arranged marriages.

So what is the point in keep talking about arranged marriage?

I am saying, ONCE MARRIED, couples should be ready to live together anywhere in the world.
.

i ve actually seen someone saying that" my husband 's sisiter is now very nice to me theyall know inki pak m eokaat kiya thi shukar nahi karta englaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnndddddddddddddddd a gay he peeche pak me itni achi kothi ban gayi he " and i wa speechless thinking about what to sa

She is bragging for her being from englaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaddddddddddddddd?

This attttttttttttttttttttttttttttitude is not goooooooooooooooood.

[kakee]

Re: importing groom from home country :-\

^lol

[Ashy2010]

Re: importing groom from home country :-\

But I think what ashy is trying to point out is that alot of people wouldnt go for say the obese, short, dark, uneducated girl/boy in a normal case no matter how good they be as a human being! but if they come with an materialistic attraction like a foreign citizenship or a good bank balance, they would happily go for it.

Yes thats what I meant. The rishta aunties in pak has been telling my mom that the guys in pak just want to move abroad through marriages and they didn't care at all whether the girl was single, divorced, widowed, not educated, having below average looks etc.

On the other hand, recently a rishta aunty told my mom that girls in pak want to move abroad too even if the guy is not very educated and is not doing a good job. Their parents have asked that rishta aunty that their daughters are educated enough to earn decently abroad and thus the guy's job is not a big issue. He should ONLY be living abroad and should bring her wife there.

When my cousin's rishta got pakka in Pak to a very very very dark complexioned guy (he is so dark many of you guys can't even imagine), she told me she was not much happy but since the guy was very educated and doing a good job abroad, it was a chance for her to move abroad and this thing kept her going. None of her siblings have been out of the city and out of country was something they were all looking forward to. Well after shaadi, she got to know the real good character of the guy. I have also met her husband and he is Masha Allah such a gem. So the character and personality, we only get to know after shaadi. There are always some explicit qualities in a guy or girl which make them attracted to the person who decides to marry him/ her, be it their beauty, their education, their family background or their foreign citizenship.

We all know love s not there in usual sense in pure arranged marriages.

So what is the point in keep talking about arranged marriage?

I am saying, ONCE MARRIED, couples should be ready to live together anywhere in the world.

Maine bhi tau yehi kaha :( One a guy and girl are married, they should agree to live anywhere which provides better opportunity to any one or both of them. The other person can shift to that country to try to look for opportunities there to continue living with each other.

[Decent_6Chora]

Re: importing groom from home country :-\

Even Imported cards are preferred over local here, yee tu phir Groom hai :)

[cutefifa]

Re: importing groom from home country :-\

@Ashy2010

Yes thats what I meant. **The rishta aunties in pak has been telling my mom that the guys in pak just want to move abroad through marriages and they didn’t care at all whether the girl was single, divorced, widowed, not educated, having below average looks etc. **

**On the other hand, recently a rishta aunty told my mom that girls in pak want to move abroad too even if the guy is not very educated and is not doing a good job. Their parents have asked that rishta aunty that their daughters are educated enough to earn decently abroad and thus the guy’s job is not a big issue. He should ONLY be living abroad and should bring her wife there. **

When my cousin’s rishta got pakka in Pak to a very very very dark complexioned guy (he is so dark many of you guys can’t even imagine), she told me she was not much happy but since the guy was very educated and doing a good job abroad, it was a chance for her to move abroad and this thing kept her going. None of her siblings have been out of the city and out of country was something they were all looking forward to. Well after shaadi, she got to know the real good character of the guy. I have also met her husband and he is Masha Allah such a gem. So the character and personality, we only get to know after shaadi. There are always some explicit qualities in a guy or girl which make them attracted to the person who decides to marry him/ her, be it their beauty, their education, their family background or their foreign citizenship.

Maine bhi tau yehi kaha One a guy and girl are married, they should agree to live anywhere which provides better opportunity to any one or both of them. The other person can shift to that country to try to look for opportunities there to continue living with each other.

Are you generalizing here??? Or we are the only family who see education and job in guys for rishta whether they are British or American national or Pakistani national???

Its all about preference. Some people prefer Pakistani girl or guy for their ABCD children or some prefer with same back ground. In the same way in Pakistan many families prefer girls from their own homeland or some people try to find a girl or guy to get their children settled in another country. But still i must say these type of families are rare who want to get settled in abroad on the basis of their DIL or SIL.

[latentry]

Re: importing groom from home country :-\

Life of a mangi is a complete nightmare. Ill advise all my illetrate paki bros from punjab who dream of marrying a cousin from europe and than reach to promise land. Most of them dont know they are in for a complete shock.

[Deeba1234]

Re: importing groom from home country :-\

*You are all missing the point, geography doesn't matter but the impact it has had on one's "imported" spouse's mentality/personality does. This is what leads to all sorts of problems when these elements clash in a marriage. Like someone else said, I still don't understand why people have to resort to this tactic. There is no shortage of eligible guys/girls in either country. Now if there is an ulterior motive than simply a happy marriage, then that's a whole different issue...... *

This..