Just my experience with an aunty from the community…
She just got back from Pakistan and while she was there, got her son engaged to someone. Now she has a daughter who’s the right age to get married too, but she’s made it clear she’s looking for a rishta from here (UK) for her.
I don’t really get the double standards here. It’s OK to import a bahu from Pakistan but the same doesn’t go for the damaad…? Come to think of it, I’ve seen a few examples of this sort of thing happening before… Reason?
Honestly? This can all be explained by a set of stereotypes that always come into action when parents go rishta hunting, even the most open minded parents become conservative and close minded when looking for a rishta for their daughters which is understandable.
Paki women from the homeland = demure, grown up in a closeted environment and know their place
Paki women from the UK = well just take the opposite of above
Paki men from homeland = expect Brit Paki women to be like they're back home and they're realy not. Plus man has to relocate to the UK therefore is not on his feet straight away and has to rely on wife and inlaws, seen as a shame thing. Also Paki men generally expect to be treated like some kind of God by their wife and in laws, doesn't happen in this situation as wife's side has upper hand. All leads to a difficult marriage...
Paki men from the UK = understand what Brit Paki women are like therefore less friction in the marriage plus will already be set up financially
local girls soon will be going after white guys. If it wasn't for parents, it would be so common. There is a obvious reason why brown guys openly (without any complain) go for arranged marriages. Not capable of getting a worthy girl on their own. For girls there are better choices out there
dont know how do these aunties bring gals from Pakistan. When I am there, I dont find even one single rishta where the parents have come from some foreign country and looking for rishta for their boys
Just my experience with an aunty from the community...
She just got back from Pakistan and while she was there, got her son engaged to someone. Now she has a daughter who's the right age to get married too, but she's made it clear she's looking for a rishta from here (UK) for her.
I don't really get the double standards here. It's OK to import a bahu from Pakistan but the same doesn't go for the damaad...? Come to think of it, I've seen a few examples of this sort of thing happening before... Reason?
Well, think about it...their daughter will be going to someone else's home and is no longer her parents' headache. Their bahu though...she will be living under the same roof for a long time. Might as well find one that can be easily molded into whatever lifestyle they have.
Well the other way round is also very common. One of my cousin is getting married here in Pakistan. The guy is an MBA, quite good looking and much younger than her. They haven’t even met each other, just saw each other through the net. She will come for a few days, get married quickly, go back and then the guy will wait for her to call her abroad after all the paperwork is done. Amazingly there are still people who would do anything to go abroad.
My cousins hate Pakistan. They come here give us sh*t and tell us how they are so modern and sophisticated even living as second-class citizens in *their *country but they also want to marry from here - men and women both. Some of them have never laid foot here but want to marry one of their first-cousins whom they’ve never talked to their whole life.
Just my experience with an aunty from the community...
She just got back from Pakistan and while she was there, got her son engaged to someone. Now she has a daughter who's the right age to get married too, but she's made it clear she's looking for a rishta from here (UK) for her.
I don't really get the double standards here. It's OK to import a bahu from Pakistan but the same doesn't go for the damaad...? Come to think of it, I've seen a few examples of this sort of thing happening before... Reason?
Reason is that generally the thinking is:
women from pak are brought up in family environment so in uk they will follow whatever inlaws-hubby will say. ppl here think they are good at following orders
men from pak are open in terms of when they will come here they will go out with gorian and are conservative in terms of they will put restrictions on thier wives for going out, having male friends, wearing jeans.
ek gandi machli poore talaab ko ganda karti hai jis se baqi machliyaan bhi gandi ho jati hain.
"local girls soon will be going after white guys. If it wasn't for parents, it would be so common. There is a obvious reason why brown guys openly (without any complain) go for arranged marriages. Not capable of getting a worthy girl on their own. For girls there are better choices out there"
I completely disagree with you. Even if the pressure from the parents isn't there, no girl wants to completely isolate herself from her family and relatives by marrying outside her culture. It might appear attractive to her but she should think about the future when the novelty and love has died down and she has cut herself completely from her culture without any support system.
Also, what you are saying about brown guys not being able to get a worthy girl on their own is totally nonsense. A good educated desi guy can get any girl he wants , with white girls being the easiest, but they prefer someone from their own culture and hence their choice for an arranged marriage.
By the way, what are, a "white guy" doing on this forum anyway?.Don't you have any people from your own culture to talk to?.
Desi girls might like some white guys but trust me, not a creepy working class white guy like you who is obsessed with desi girls and spreading hatred about "brown guys" thinking it would work against them and somehow the girls would start to consider people like you.
"local girls soon will be going after white guys. If it wasn't for parents, it would be so common. There is a obvious reason why brown guys openly (without any complain) go for arranged marriages. Not capable of getting a worthy girl on their own. For girls there are better choices out there"
I completely disagree with you. Even if the pressure from the parents isn't there, no girl wants to completely isolate herself from her family and relatives by marrying outside her culture. It might appear attractive to her but she should think about the future when the novelty and love has died down and she has cut herself completely from her culture without any support system.
Also, what you are saying about brown guys not being able to get a worthy girl on their own is totally nonsense. A good educated desi guy can get any girl he wants , with white girls being the easiest, but they prefer someone from their own culture and hence their choice for an arranged marriage.
By the way, what are, a "white guy" doing on this forum anyway?.Don't you have any people from your own culture to talk to?.
Desi girls might like some white guys but trust me, not a creepy working class white guy like you who is obsessed with desi girls and spreading hatred about "brown guys" thinking it would work against them and somehow the girls would start to consider people like you.
Sorry your post is just as pathetic as 'white guys' post, 2 side of the same coin.
I'm Arab are you going to tell me to go and chat to 'my own kind' too
I completely disagree with you. Even if the pressure from the parents isn't there, no girl wants to completely isolate herself from her family and relatives by marrying outside her culture. It might appear attractive to her but she should think about the future when the novelty and love has died down and she has cut herself completely from her culture without any support system.
'No girl', really?? I know of a few who married outsider their culture and against their parents wishes and in all but one case the family came round.. And support system doesn't necessarily mean just family, if ur family threatens to cut u off for marrying an 'outsider' I'd hardly call that supportive.. Fair enough if u want to only marry within ur culture but nothing wrong with those who choose not to.. and ideally their families shouldn't be so narrow-minded..
Sorry your post is just as pathetic as 'white guys' post, 2 side of the same coin.
I'm Arab are you going to tell me to go and chat to 'my own kind' too
Sarab, I am deeply sorry if I offended you in any way. You and everyone is welcome here. I was just commenting on an obsessive person, who having no knowledge of our culture was willing to make generalizations and spread hatred.
'No girl', really?? I know of a few who married outsider their culture and against their parents wishes and in all but one case the family came round.. And support system doesn't necessarily mean just family, if ur family threatens to cut u off for marrying an 'outsider' I'd hardly call that supportive.. Fair enough if u want to only marry within ur culture but nothing wrong with those who choose not to.. and ideally their families shouldn't be so narrow-minded..
Well, in some cases the parents have no choice and come around because they do not want to shame their family, but the bitterness is still there. I also know of numerous families including a close one where whenever we are invited to their house, I have to translate every word in english so that the girl and her family understand what we are saying. Also, we are not allowed to joke amongst ourselves in any language other than english, lest it be offensive to anyone else. You can imagine how an awkward situation this would be.
Also don't forget that other family is also not very happy either for having married into a culture with which they are not familiar. I agree with you that in some cases an intercultural marriage might be successful but I am talking about the numerous other marriages that have failed.
Further, think about the fact that the girl was born with a religious and cultural identity. After she has children and grand children, do you think her identity or that of her husband would be dominant?. If she is willing to give up everything for a marriage, then all the power to her.
"local girls soon will be going after white guys. If it wasn't for parents, it would be so common. There is a obvious reason why brown guys openly (without any complain) go for arranged marriages. Not capable of getting a worthy girl on their own. For girls there are better choices out there"
Also, what you are saying about brown guys not being able to get a worthy girl on their own is totally nonsense. A good educated desi guy can get any girl he wants , with white girls being the easiest*,* but they prefer someone from their own culture and hence their choice for an arranged marriage.
By the way, what are, a "white guy" doing on this forum anyway?.Don't you have any people from your own culture to talk to?.
Desi girls might like some white guys but trust me, not a creepy working class white guy like you who is obsessed with desi girls and spreading hatred about "brown guys" thinking it would work against them and somehow the girls would start to consider people like you.
come on! you do know majority of white girls won't date brown guys. Majority don't find them attractive. That's a fact! As far as white girls being the easiest, i agree with you on that. A lot of them are. That's why i said they are not capable of getting worthy white girls, only trash. That's where brown girls beat white girls. Do you really think guys would go for arrange marriages (someone they don't even know) if they could get a lovely girl on their own. I would say most wouldn't. But then again, arranged marriages could do wonders for you. I'm pretty sure you have seen ugly ugly brown bald short guys with beautiful women and then later you find out it was arranged marriage..guy is very successful, ph.d, and her parents agree tot he marriage, whether she likes him or not. I feel sorry for the brown women who have to go thr this crap.
what's wrong with working class white guy? lol
By the way, what are, a "white guy" doing on this forum anyway?.Don't you have any people from your own culture to talk to?.