Important list of questions to ask before saying yes to a rishta

[MissFreudian]

Re: Important list of questions to ask before saying yes to a rishta

@Paheli00

Wearing a seatbelt doesn’t guarantee that you won’t die in a car crash. But that doesn’t mean that you don’t wear one each time you get in the car b/c it decreases your odds of dying.

Not actually “married” but I’ve been with my fiance for almost 3 years. We got engaged after dating for 2.5 years. At least for me, many of the questions I listed…are things my fiance and I have discussed over time. If my fiance and I did not agree on many of the points…we would not be engaged today. Unfortunately I don’t think the OP has 2.5 years to “get to know” the guy(and his family)…she has a much shorter deadline.

Does me knowing all this right now “guarantee” that my marriage will be successful and that I will not get divorced? No.

Does is significantly decrease the amount of arguments I will have with my fiance after marriage? Yes.

Does it decrease the odds of my marriage failing? In my humble opinion, yes.

I don’t think any of us are trying to say that the OP can “guarantee” that she will have a happy, successful marriage if she finds out all these details before baat paaki (at least I’m not!). I think the point of finding out all these issues which has the potential to tear a couple apart after marriage is to DECREASE the odds of divorce. There are absolutely no guarantees when it comes to life.

As for the guy lying…of course there is a chance that he will lie! Again…no guarantees. But there is also that chance that he will not lie and be honest. After thinking about the questions and finding her OPs views on certain things…who knows…maybe the guy himself might decide that they’re not compatible! And worst case scenario, let’s say the guy lies about something right now that causes that marriage to fall apart in the future…at least the OP at that time won’t beat herself thinking “Only if I had asked him before marriage this MIGHT have been prevented.”.

I think the seat belt analogy is misplaced when talking about marriages. With all due respect, if I knew someone for 2 or 3 years before I even contemplate getting engaged to them , then sure enough I would ask them all the 100 questions and more. But in arranged marriages, you don’t have that luxury . In certain respects the OP is lucky that she lives in the west and has been given the opportunity to find out a little more about the guy. The point is, what will she or he find out from these questions in a limited time. It is not a question of lying , but rather will they really know what kind of spouse they will become themselves? We have all heard of a good daughter, a good sister but who turns out to be a lousy wife. A bad brother can sometimes turn out to be a great husband. It is a relationship like no other, with dynamics which one cannot fully comprehend before marriage. and until you are in that relationship of marriage you really are just guessing . This guesswork raises your expectations before marriage. Ask anyone married and they will tell you that the key to success in any marriage is not to have any high expectations.
What you say before marriage will not help you much, but what is said and done AFTER the marriage , determines whether the marriage will be successful or not.