Importance of speaking urdu (insert your language here)

Lifestyle Relationships
1

So I’m not very confident in my urdu speaking abilities, they plain suck But I never thought it was a huge deal, I can understand urdu. A family came over last week and the mother was SHOCKED that i didn’t speak urdu and spoke to my parents in English, like she outright scolded my mother for allowing this to happen. She spoke/understood English so it wasn’t like we couldn’t communicate. I talked to one of my friends about this and she said it would be hard for me to find a rishta because parents were expecting me to communicate with them in urdu. What do you guys think/feel and what are your experiences regarding this

2

That's nonsense ! Some families may place importance on their daughter in law speaking urdu/ punjabi (if they cannot converse in English I suppose) not all though.

I can converse in both urdu or punjabi fluently but a close friend of mine cannot speak a word of either. She has gotten married into a Punjabi speaking family and is learning to speak urdu (with the help of hubby), her in laws are very sweet so no problems there!

3

Re: Importance of speaking urdu (insert your language here)

That's bs. My urdu was amazingly horrible but it has gotten loads better thanks to speaking it with my parents and my fiance, and just listening. I always feel nervous about speaking it cause I know it's off, but really I don't care cause I wanna learn. Don't listen to that woman. When you get a rishta, have him help you to learn urdu. Me and fiance made a deal, he teaches me urdu reading, writing and verbally, and I teach him english in writing and stuff, that simple. That auntie was stupid for saying that. Seriously, don't stress, you'll learn it when you learn it!

4

Re: Importance of speaking urdu (insert your language here)

If you won’t talk to your husband in Urdu then how aunty will know what you guys are talking about :cb:

5

Or any other auntie nearby…those nosy creepers.

6

Re: Importance of speaking urdu (insert your language here)

Its not a big deal. My youngest sister's husband speaks broken Urdu and some Punjabi (his family is Punjabi). Its never mattered in the rishta process...my parents speak and understand English perfectly well.

I will say though that since her nikah, he has made efforts to speak more Urdu to my parents.

7

Re: Importance of speaking urdu (insert your language here)

One of my cousin's husband speaks broken urdu and fluent punjabi and arabic. My cousin does not speak punjabi or arabic but they communicate well. When the right rishta comes, it wont matter to them, iA!

8

Re: Importance of speaking urdu (insert your language here)

Parents not teaching Urdu to their kids are doing a great injustice, it's your identity! Anybody going to an English medium school will become fluent in it anyway, why the need to speak it at home all the time? As for a rishta I can't comment whether it would make a difference, but the kids sure won't be speaking Urdu if the mother doesn't!

9

Re: Importance of speaking urdu (insert your language here)

its shouldnt effect your rishta chances because people are very understanding of your location

10

Re: Importance of speaking urdu (insert your language here)

for our kids growing up in the west, english is their first language, no arguing about that and nothing wrong with it either, shouldn't put kids on the spot for it.

its a pretty common issue, not just in desi families but in other communities too, I was at a Jordanian friend's kids party the other day, whole crowd was arabic speaking, the kids (young and in their teens) were all speaking to each other in english and that really bothered a few of the seniors there, they said its downright bad parenting for kids growing up here to take up english as their first language and most people seemed to agree. i think people just happen to see this as a sign of how non-traditional and how much of a 'gora' upbringing they have had if they can't speak their mother tongue properly.

11

Agree. And whatever language they speak. Russian, Spanish, Punjabi, Bengali, Italian or whatever!

12

Re: Importance of speaking urdu (insert your language here)

Yeah, I agree its not the best situation if the girl/guy doesnt know Urdu/Punjabi.

However, it doesnt mean anything for the relationship. I know couples who are DESI but communicate ONLY in English. Their mother tongues are different, they fell in love and it just worked out. :)

13

Not the same if they both had good fluency in common one language.

Yes, working out is possible. Marriage is not just about working out. Working out is the last resort people should look for.

Marriage is about harmony and understanding/or compatibility of each other including language and reactions to situsations.

Faiz Ahmed Faiz, the great poet married to a German woman. She was an excellent companion and wife.

Yet, Faiz in his all abilities might not have been able to make her understand his poetry and she would not have an iota of clue what he meant by saying:

Gulon Main Rang Bhare Baade Nau Bahaar Chale
Chale Bhi Aao Ke Gulshan Ka Kaarobaar Chale

14

They fell in love...

Of course its not all about just working things out. I meant they fell in love and things worked out as a result of that. Meaning they got married, had children and now are very happy Mashallah.

Yes, it makes things easier when there is a common language between people. They can laugh, share jokes, humor, etc. But that doesnt make the love between people who dont share common language any less. Does it? If both speak English fluently then how is "i love you" less effective than "mein apse blah blah"?

15

My friend, you're talking about one person having some mad urdu skills and the other not able to understand a single word of urdu. The OP clearly understands urdu, but is just not fluent/confident in speaking it. Two completely different situations.

I can speak urdu however my grammer is terrible. I can understand it almost perfectly. However that does not impact my relationship with my husband (was raised here pretty much his whole life but speaks urdu very well) nor my inlaws who speak to me in urdu. Although I agree with you that parents should teach their children urdu, God knows my life would have been much easier! From what I've seen the majority of kids know urdu, but just hesitate speaking it due to lack of confidence.

16

Re: Importance of speaking urdu (insert your language here)

munnay/munni ki amaan speaks very little urdu, its kinda strange, she speaks some, her grammer is okay, vocabulary is limited, her older sister is fluent, and her brothers barely speaks any at all.

I speak urdu fluently, to a point that if you did not know and maybe some issues with "R" at time you would think I grew up in Pakistan, it has not affected our relationship. i speak to my folks in urdu and english, they speak to her in urdu and english..

i must say she is using more and more urdu now they we have kids, not really in an attempt to teach them. but this way we can talk about things without kids finding out :D

maya is right its lack of confidence, and s much grief as people think local gives to recent arrivals on their english command and accents, these ppl are much tougher on locals grasp of urdu/punjabi/pushto etc.

I think all of begums siblings had weak urdu, but her sister got married to a dude who had moved here for studies and his social circle is mostly people like him, my bro in law had all non desi pals or some local desis, begum had a mix, but most of our pals are local desis and we speak mostly in english with them as well, so her urdu is not as strong as her sisters.

its all a matter of exposure and usage.

17

Re: Importance of speaking urdu (insert your language here)

The person destined for you will marry you no matter what ! don't worry about your urdu speaking skills and no one should talk to your mom this way if she didn't like you talking with your parents in English then she should have kept her views to herself , who is she to tell your parents how to raise their daughter ?

18

But , but , but it is a big problem for those FOBs who cannot speak and understand English perfectly well na.
But at the end of the day , Amrica main toh bacha bacha agnraizi bolta hay. Bhangi bhee angraizi bolta hay,:cb: Larkay k ammi abba bhee seikh hee jain gay.

19

Re: Importance of speaking urdu (insert your language here)

The fact that she scolded you on first meeting you shows what a clown she is. I suggest you drop that rishta and let them know that it is not acceptable that someone come into your home asking for a rishtaa and then treat you like a kid in front of both families.

Idiotic people never cease to amaze me.

20

.