My sister has received a pretty decent proposal with both the guy’s family and my parents being interested. My sister is still on the fence but she said she is willing to get to know him. If all goes well, my parents want to do an engagement or nikkah in June right before Ramzan. Now my parents were never key on doing an istakhara. My husband and I had one done because my FIL insisted on one. My brother didn’t have one because he had a love marriage and my parents didnt think it was necessary. However, because this rishta is primarily arranged, my husband and I are really for having an istakhara for my sister. However, my parents dont feel its necessary as we know the family pretty well. I truly believe they are afraid of the outcome because they have been looking for my sister for a long time and this is the first rishta to come to fruition and they are afraid that if the istakhara doesn’t come out right then we have to say no.
However, the reasoning for having an istakhara my husband and I think is to ask god’s will is in this marraige and more importantly if something is wrong, it will come to light and we can avoid a potentially bad situation for my sister. I genuintely think that if rishta is meant to happen then the istakhara will come out right as well. However, my parents think otherwise.
Any words of advice on how to convince my parents or another perspective?
However, the reasoning for having an istakhara my husband and I think is to ask god's will is in this marraige and more importantly if something is wrong
Istikhara is not asking for God's opinion on matters. Istikhara is dua of khair in the matters you want to move forward with.
I agree with @TLK that my husband and I want to do this primarily because we want everything for ristha to move forward with god's blessing. However, my parents really believe that an istakhara is done only if you have a choice between two options and you can't really decide. Whereas my husband and I think its so that you ask god's blessing for the ristha. Also, by asking god's will, it will inshallah prevent anything from going wrong in the marriage. My sister wants to have one because she believes that this will help her decide.
I guess what I am truly afraid of is that if something were to Swrong god forbid, there will always be the question of whether we did an istakhara or not.
Istikara is asking for Allahs guidance. I really believe in it. And I think in such an important thing like marriage that it should be done. Whether it is a love marriage or not. Things can go wring in a love marriage to, but that's besides the oink since it's not the case here.
I think your sister should do one rather than regret later just in case something isn't right or goes wrong later. As for knowing the family, you won't know what they are like until you live with them.
What's that supposed to mean, it's a part of our religion. That is if you are a muslim, which I assume you are. As I said before, Istikara is asking for Allahs guidance. Are you saying religion has no place in this day and age?
Lots of people do it before marriage, starting a new business etc.
It's just a prayer you can do for yourself. I did my own istkhara. Unless they ideologically disapprove of prayer they've already probably done it for your sister and they're freaking out for nothing. What's going to happen is going to happen and istakhara or no istakhra is not going to change anything. They're already praying for the best anyways and if you want the istakhra done then why don't you do it?
You don't have to have an istikhara done every time.. Istikharas are done when you have a choice or when you are undecided about something or when there is that nagging doubt in your mind...
The imam we go to for istikharas often discourage us when we tell him that every thing is great but this is a just in case...he always say that just keep praying and remembering Allah and go for it...
What's that supposed to mean, it's a part of our religion. That is if you are a muslim, which I assume you are. As I said before, Istikara is asking for Allahs guidance. Are you saying religion has no place in this day and age?
Lots of people do it before marriage, starting a new business etc.
While you are at it, maybe ask him to pick the lottery numbers for me. No wonder we are so behind times.
I would do it for any major decision and marriage is certainly one of them. Even where families know each other for a long time. In istikhara one is asking for guidance as well as ease and advancement in a matter if it is good for them from perspectives of both the worldly life and aakhirah or for it to be removed if otherwise.
You're assuming that even with a positive istikhara, that things won't go wrong. Sure, an istikhara is to ask for God's guidance and khair when unsure about a decision, but the istikhara in and of itself is not a guarantee for a happy marriage.
Why not let your sister at least get to know the guy and then let your family know if she has any uncertainties.
It sounds like your sister has uncertainties. And it sounds like if she spends the time to get to know the person, she may be walking into a situation from which there is no return.....
If that is the case then go ahead and do the istikhara.....why do you or she need anyone's permission?
Why do you or your sister need to convince your parents? istikhara is a personal prayer. If your sister wants to do this prayer to help HER decide, then tell her to do it. If you and your husband want to do this prayer to give your opinion, then do it. Do the prayer and share your opinion with your parents....baas baat khatam. Same with your sister.....she can say "yes' or "no" to this guy based on whatever she wants.....whether its istikhara or after getting to know him or a combination of both.
on one hand: talk about istiKhara
on the other hand: **getting to ‘KNOW’ him
**how can you reconcile the two?
[how would you ‘get to know someone’ within the Islamic constraints?]
ek taraf to Allah kii Khushnoodii Haasil karne ke liye du’aayeN [istiKhaara] to dusrii taraf Allah ko naaraaz karne ke tareeqe/Harbe iste’maal karnaa…yeh kahaaN kii daanishwarii hai?
Has anyone done it and what were the results of it? I got a very positive dream the first time but just to keep doing the prayer, I kept at it and then last night I got a dream where I saw black on one side and bloody red on the other which scared the heck out of me so now i’m scared to pray at all.
The energy we expand on superstitions, what would happen if we used the same energy to improve ourselves. Look after your health, workout, get employment skills, social skills, domestic skills etc and see how lucky you get..lol
The energy we expand on superstitions, what would happen if we used the same energy to improve ourselves. Look after your health, workout, get employment skills, social skills, domestic skills etc and see how lucky you get..lol
Your posting-style and views remind me so very much of the former member, Knight. :)
Sure, developing yourself as person is very important and it can increase your pool of rishta potentials etc. But istikhara is not about developing yourself. You can be the most highly educated and highly experienced candidate and not get the job you desire or the guy/girl you've set your heart on. There is such a thing as qismat and sometimes it can transcend or trump a person's hard work and qualifications. We are supposed to exert effort because we don't know the future and we don't know if we'll attain what we desire or not. Maybe we'll get it...maybe we won't.
Istikhara is not about sitting back. It is simply a 2-rakat namaz you perform after which you make dua to Allah that He do what is best for you and make your heart content with His will. After that you pursue the venture you had in mind...put your best effort.....but leave the outcome to Allah as opposer to becoming emotionally attached to it. So the person who does istikhara correctly tries their best and if they still don't get hired....if they still don't get into the uni of their choice....or the guy/girl of their dreams.....they refer back to the purpose of istikhara and the wording of the dua....and realize that it was Allah's will. People from the subcontinent have made the process complicated....with their strong focus on interpreting dreams and looking for signs and omens. Istikhara is about the how the events unfold after you have exerted effort. If it's in your best interest in both worlds, it will come to fruition.....if not, it won't. Some people complain that, "I did istikhara for a job or a rishta and I got fired or divorced." You got the job or rishta because it was good for you. Now it's up to you to work hard to keep your job and maintain your marriage. And if despite your best efforts, you still lose the job or your spouse.....there was some behtri in that too, that chapter of your life was meant to end just as it was once meant to begin.
^^ The harder I work the luckier I get, are people in the west born with better qismat as they dont get raped by ISIS goons, dont starve to death and have longer lives or is it because they plan and strategise...good luck with the jadoo dear. My religion doesnt allow for jadoo and fortune telling.
