Re: im worried i wont get married....mummy isnt helping.
i am 25 and i am getting married in 2 months IA and i think it is the perfect time to get married
i dont think i was even thinking about getting married at 22... this is the time to enjoy your freedom and enjoy time in university with friends and exploring life
y worry about things that are not in your control? esp a thing such as getting married... it'll happen when it's meant to happen and frankly getting married at a young age is usually not good since you aren't mature enough for the responsibilities
i dont know if i am ready even now lol
and when you'll meet your true match your weight would be the last thing on his mind :)
and as a side note... just stop eating food from outside plus junk food and you wont even have to diet just stay active and stress-free
Re: im worried i wont get married…mummy isnt helping.
I am so thankful to my mother. Shes so chillaxed out. Other people started talking not too long ago.. but all she had to say was “*hummari betiyeh bohj nahin hai. Hum nai unnai khushi sai ghar mai rakha huwa hai”
Re: im worried i wont get married....mummy isnt helping.
Also. I think mothers are usually right when it comes to weight issues. Im a moti too Alvena, tell her not to worry. You may be a little chubby, but there are a thousand girls who are obese. :=D
Re: im worried i wont get married…mummy isnt helping.
^ Great way to make her feel better
UK size 12 is NOT fat. what the heck?! and you’re GOING to be 22. Seriously woman…you’ve got so many years to come. Enjoy your time right now and you don’t want to rush in to a marriage just because you think you’re time is running up and find out that you’re not happy.
Re: im worried i wont get married....mummy isnt helping.
Thankyou everyone for the advice.
I need to explain to mum that her stressing really is not helping me at all. Seriously i cant sleep at night.
I have alot of friends/cousins my age, and for some reason i feel pressure not to be the last one! i dont know why....all mums of the girls who are my age are very desperate to get their girls engaged.....the are saying how difficult it is to find an educated british man who is a good balance of east and west.
And yes they are hard to find! but i wish i didnt feel so much pressure and stress.
I just dont want my parents to suffer because of me thats my main stress.
Hitchki...im actually a little offended by your comment..'im so thankful for my mum' i am thankful for my mum too and im so happpy i have her and i love her alot.
Hitchki...im actually a little offended by your comment..'im so thankful for my mum' i am thankful for my mum too and im so happpy i have her and i love her alot.
I would like to make clear that my emotions are **entirely **exclusive to yours. I don't think you have the right to feel even a tincture of negativity from my positivity.
Also. Incorrect extrapolation from a half-understood first sentence is a very bad thing :)
Re: im worried i wont get married....mummy isnt helping.
yes Alvina if u feel u should shed off some pounds do it for urself girl. don't get pressurized by ur mom. i hav seen plenty of curvy girls getting married at young age so worry not but yes do add gym in ur regular routine
I have alot of friends/cousins my age, and for some reason i feel pressure not to be the last one! i dont know why....all mums of the girls who are my age are very desperate to get their girls engaged.....the are saying how difficult it is to find an educated british man who is a good balance of east and west.
Tbh, being the first or middle one to get married aint' all that's cracked up to be..
think about it
after seeing everyone else's weddings, ull know what not to do at yours
you'll know what not to wear.
you'll know what kind of guy u want (that hot rich guy who beats a wife? ehh moneya dn looks aint that important now are they?)
also it's always the first or the last person to get married that everyone's looking forward to. noone cares about the middle ones :D
Re: im worried i wont get married....mummy isnt helping.
hey alvena y u r worried bae?? dont u blv in ALMIGHTY ..... dnt make life a fuss coz of not getting married,, abhi tumhari umer hi kya hai :)
i totally agree mistral & even in my case i told guppians that m overweight and cant help it out but it does nt the stumbling block in ma way either(i mean my rishta etc)
ppl have set their standrd a slim n fair gal but "he" will b the one , who wil like n accept u in anyway... n its not a bad thing to be MOTI :P bs tryto b healthy... may HE b wid u .....
Hey alvena, im totally in the same boat as you! Im also a medical student, age 20, 5'6'' and a uk size 12 (used to be a 16/18 2 years ago!).
my mum is always at me about my weight and is constantly telling me that no slim handsome doc will want to marry me if im this big. she also keeps reminding me how 'smart' she was at my age. its not only her though, all my friends are slim and very petite, they call me the guy in the group. they dont mean it in a nasty way but it still hurts.
but they are always surprised at how much attention i get from guys and aunties-with-sons alike, especially because im a hijabi and dress pretty plainly. its all about how confident you are about yourself and how you carry yourself.
if you are going to lose weight do it for yourself not for your mum, a guy or anyone else! you said you are trying to lose weight, i would advise that you do it slowly because that way you wont put it back on again and do plenty of exercise. in the meantime wear heels and dress smartly...always helps the figure.
also you need to talk to your mum and family about it and that they shouldnt put off rishtas because THEY think your 'moti'. the 'right' guy will like you for who you are and not what you look like! your only 22, you need to concentrate on graduating and kickstarting your career first.
i dont blame your mum either, after all mothers worry about their daughters future and dream of their wedding day from the day they are born. so try not to worry because that will only make things worse, channel your stress positively to motivate you! if your anything like me worrying leads to binge eating.
Re: im worried i wont get married....mummy isnt helping.
Sara- thanks for that it made me smile :)
Tabeebah- oh someome like me thats so weird! Im at one of the universities in the Midlands, im not going to say exactly which one on here as i have alot of personal info and problems on here.
What about yourself?
Thats what my mum says! Who will approach you and when i was your age i was half your size! and guess what my best friend is very fair, size 6....lucky me!
I do get attention from boys, never from aunties though, they always go for the tall fair slim ones and thats what worries my mum and i guess me aswell.
I want to look after myself for me so i feel good about myself, but also so that the only reason someone rejects me isnt my looks, i know i can look better.
What i dont lke is the pressure, we went to the gym yday and my mum drove me there, and she said have you weighed yourself, i told her yes and its this, and he was like 'hai itna ho gya' and got really angry at me.
I told her that being angry isnt helping and my weight wont go down any faster with her anger.
And she was like 'tum ko bolne ka faisa nahi hai' and just went on and on about how i dont care about myself and i dont listen to her and why dont i care and who will marry me and how my dad is stressed.
It just depressed me!
And im not joking when they turn away potentials to come and see me because i am too fat, maybe they are protecting me from hurt but it does absolutely nothing for my confidence.
Re: im worried i wont get married....mummy isnt helping.
Alvena, a size 12 is not fat! A size 16 is the UK average, so you're far from being obese... though it's dependant on your height (what is your height??), so it may be good for you to begin a workout regime not only so you're curvilicious and toned in all the right places, but to increase your self esteem. I believe that if you look good, you'll feel good. I'm not suggesting you tranny yourself up with makeup and begin wearing obscene clothing, but i honestly think working out regularly will help you physically and mentally.... it's a great stress reliever. :)
And you're only 22?! MashaAllah you're a med student, so your focus on graduating and setting yourself up for a good career with great prospects... the rest InshaAllah will fall into place when the time is right. :)
Re: im worried i wont get married....mummy isnt helping.
Thanks guys.
I just had another argument with my mum.
I went to her room to ask her if i should cook dinner tonight as she has been working today, and she didnt even answer and said
have you been to the gym? which i have, so i was like yeah i did a good workout.
And then she was like well we need to do somethiing about your weight because thats not enough, you have to do more excercise tonight.
I was like no way im already so sore and tired i feel i have done enough.
and she also went on about my skin, my feet just everything. LIke have you washed your face today (obviously i have) i really take care of my skin! and it just annoyed me
Then i said her being all angry and forcful and not helping me and making me feel less motivated and deflated and i wish she would just let me be and not go on and on all the time.
Then she like fine i wont say anything anymore and just walked out the room.
You are still sooooo young, and you do not sound fat at all---I'm sure you're lovely, and believe me when I tell you that 10 years from now you'll look back at old pictures and think to yourself how beautiful you were! We are so much fairer to ourselves in retrospect.
Also, remember that any auntie who is obsessing over shallow silly things like weight, height, skin tone, etc.,** is not worthy of being your mother-in-law. ** I mean, is that really the type of woman you want to listen to for the next thirty years while she makes passive-aggressive comments about all the tall, thin, fair girls she looked at for your husband before you (or for your brother-in-law, cousins, etc.)? Be patient; God always provides us with opportunities at the right time, and eventually people of real substance will come meet you and be able to see and judge all of the things that really matter---like your character, your mind, etc.
^ i dont know why but i feel like people who look past looks and look at personality and stuff first dont exist.
Aww, hon, don't worry, they really do exist! Just sometimes takes them a little while to come out of the woodwork.
It may have a lot to do with your mom's particular circle---they may all have a very similar outlook/mentality. Do you have any options for getting introduced to people outside of this circle? Maybe you have some aunties or friends' families, people through the masjid, etc., who are familiar with a different social group?
And i'm sorry your mom doesn't seem to be able to communicate her fears with you in a nicer way. I'm sure she means well and probably doesn't realize how much she is hurting you or causing you anxiety. Have you spoken with her directly about this?
Re: im worried i wont get married....mummy isnt helping.
We are part of a circle of friends which isnt actually that shallow and really nice! we know alot of people who are, from a different circle, and my parents always say thye shouldnt be so shallow blah blah.
So i really dont understand why she is so stressed over the way i look, i think its her own MEGA fear and anxiety.
Whoever she speaks to she is worried they will come and see me and think i am too fat and go away.
Hmmm, sounds like instead of feeling bad about yourself and worrying that you won't get a rishta, you should try having a respectful, honest discussion with your mom. I think she needs to understand how she's hurting you and making you more anxious, and you also want to make sure she's not saying these same things to her friends/acquaintances and planting that seed with potential rishtas that her daughter is too fat/dark/etc. to be desirable. As your mom it's her job to advocate for your long list of awesome qualities!
and you’re GOING to be 22. Seriously woman…you’ve got so many years to come. Enjoy your time right now and you don’t want to rush in to a marriage just because you think you’re time is running up and find out that you’re not happy.