My mum keeps going on how im way too fat to get married.
Im a size 12 uk…ok so im not the slimest but im not obese…im a bit above average
My parents are looking for rishtas for me but everytime someone shows a little interest they kind of put it off…waiting for me to lose weight…
they tell me everyday…itne moti ho, kaun shadi karega, log aingey or bhagjaingey
im actually really stressed about it, so are my parents.
On stop of that im not gori or lambi
I get attention from boys…pakistani ones and people have shown interest..2 doctors from the hospital i was placed at approached me but one was too old and one i didnt like. and some know i was with someone for a while.
But i know future mother in laws wont like me.
Im scared time is running out!
Im going to be 22 this year and it takes time to find the right match!
I saw a few pics of people and everyone is so fair and slim
My mum is constantly shouting at me all day! i want to go back to uni!
Im working on losing weight and looking after myself.
Re: im worried i wont get married....mummy isnt helping.
dont stress, youre still so young! and size 12 is below average, its totally acceptable. when the right rishta comes along trust me they wont care for your size. just do dua and inshallah something will come up soon, the worst thing you could do right now is worry.
Re: im worried i wont get married....mummy isnt helping.
until ur 25 don't worry :) anyhoo it's a matter of finding the right person not hurrying up and getting married to any idiot. but i can understand ur feeling, and ur parents are handling this situation really badly too....
Re: im worried i wont get married....mummy isnt helping.
Its not like i want to marry any idiot!
Im medical student and i think im nice fun person, so i would like to marry a doctor/dentist who is british and fun.
But if i want that and if that person comes along and rejects me because im not attractive enough is a very big fear and no my parents arent helping at all!
And if you want a real life story, when I first met my husband, I was neither skinny, fair, nor tall. I needed to lose a good 15 pounds (which oddly enough, happened after "baath pakki" because I slowly started adopting healthier habits).
And yet he still liked me. Because believe it or not, there are men out there who don't think that beautiful can only come in a slim, tall and fair package. There are men out there who look for personality and intelligence in addition to their perception of beauty.
In short, there are some really decent people out there.
Wait for them. Get away from these people who are basing everything on your looks. You don't want anything to do with these people, trust me.
If you want to be present yourself in a more attractive way or lose weight, do it for YOU. Do it because you want to be healthier, because you want to boost your self confidence. Don't do it for someone else or for the sake of getting more rishtas. That has a tendency to backfire.
And stop worrying. You've been through a lot of emotional upheaval. Concentrate on making positive changes in your life for yourself. The rest will fall into place, Inshallah.
:)
Oh - and mothers have a tendency to "go on." They are mothers. They worry. It's part of the job description. We'll probably do it too when we have kids. She's not trying to make it worse for you...she's worried and she has a right to be considering the state of things in rishta land these days. Whenever she "goes on" at you, smile, say "Yes Ammi, I'm trying. I love you and I know you're only telling me this out of concern and I'll try my best." Smile, nod, and let it go.
Re: im worried i wont get married....mummy isnt helping.
Love,
You are 22. I understand where you are coming from in that it takes a while to find a good rishtaa but I don't think you should stress so much. First of all you shouldn't be marrying into a narrow-minded family who will be shallow and reject you. Second of all, I would suggest to try your best and if your mom is not helping..help yourself. Try some diets out and start hitting up the gym. Perhaps get a personal trainer if you can afford. Don't starve yourself or reduce your appetite because this will cause more weight gain in the future. Just become more active and work on yourself. Beauty is on the inside and a family should look at that. What's the point of having a gorgeous bahu who's stank on the inside anyways?
Re: im worried i wont get married....mummy isnt helping.
Thankyou everyone, especially mistral your post relaxed me.
Im just super stressed right now because this is sort of the 'prime of life' where all eyes are on girls of my age.
I really dont want to give my parents too much stress but i feel like i am.
What if i cant lose the weight? what if someone comes and rejects me?
My mum is saying i will become famous for being 'moti', she says rishtas come through friends of friends of friends, and news travels....her daughter is very polite, he daughter is very pretty...im seriously worried that people are saying oh x and y's daughter is really fat about me.
I dont know why but im so stressed!
its not im desperate to get married now, its a worry i will be 30 and not married and my parents will get ill with stress.
Re: im worried i wont get married....mummy isnt helping.
^ lol
i wouldn't worry, lady... i know its super stressful being in the position you are, but you're obviously a smart chiquita being in med school and you said you're joining a gym soon, so you're doing all the right things.
the perfect someone for you will come along when the time is right and not a moment before. what you can do in the meantime is get healthy and fit for yourself and look after YOU. your parents are who they are- some people just like stress and don't know how to live without it. and it sounds like if it wasn't your weight, it might be something else for them to worry about. so let them deal with it. and maybe speak to your mom openly about how her constant stressing about this issue makes you feel. she loves you, after all, and only wants the best for you so perhaps once you vocalize how stressed you are, she can help you reach your goals in more productive ways.
right now, you should worry about you. work on relaxing and taking care of yourself and instilling more confidence in you for the great person you are. everything else will sort itself out.
believe me when i say this, confidence is far sexier any day than a size 2 body! men can be idiots sometimes, but the smart ones know this and appreciate it.
Re: im worried i wont get married....mummy isnt helping.
Alvena,
When someone is nagging me....I calmly tell them "your nagging is not going to accomplish the goal any faster."
So, nicely tell your mom** "Ammi, I understand you're concerned about me. And I am working on losing some weight so I can feel healthier. But losing weight takes time. It's not going to happen overnight or in one week. So, please be patient with me. Your consistent scolding is not going to make the weight magically disappear....nor is it going to make the weight disappear any faster. I know you mean well, but your words are hurting me. I want to lose weight for MYSELF***."*
Once your mum knows that you're trying.....she might even reflect over her behavior. Trust me.....sometimes giving a person the gentle reminder that their nagging is not doing any fast wonders.....causes them to back-off and give you space. ;)
I've seen slim and pretty girls get married at a later age. Being a certain body type might affect how many rishtay you get BUT it does not guarantee that you'll get married early. Focus on YOU because ultimately you'll get married when Allah wills it.
