I have an older sis we got on soo well before she got married lekin after she got married she changed soo much towards me…during her wedding me and her hubbys cousin kind of fell for eachother at that point i told her that i liked him n she had heard from somewhere that he also was crazy about me
At the time he lived in pak we all came back to the UK…about 2 years after seeing the guy (i was still in love with him) we got in touch over msn n we got to know eachother alot better i hadnt told my sis because we had drifted apart but she found out…since then she turned really *****y towards me…she did everythng n anythng in her power to cause problems at home for me she told my mum that me n him were in touch wen his family came 4 the rishta she tried her utmost best to not let me and him happen
Finally after a great stand to my mum we got engaged a few months ago…but yet still she is causing problems fillin my mums ears in against him n his famly (my mum listens to her alot esp in ths department cuz she is the onli one who knows that fam well as she is married in to the fam) i knw she is doing it out of spite
shes always doing her best to put me down but y?? y cnt she jus giv up mkin my life hell n just b happy 4 me?
she is still stirin crap but me n my fiance knws wat she is like…
could she be jealous? im alot more educated than her…i have alot more freinds than her n i got who i wanted to marry? o n i recently got a job in the governemnt n she expressed no happiness at all 4 me
to my mum shes the good samaritan…there is no point in my tellin my mum otherwse because my mum already thinks i put my fiance n his family b4 my own
what do i do guys?
btw my sis mil doesnt really see eye to eye wit my mil to be either…shes really jealous of her as she has more say in the family even though she is the younger sis
In order for your problem/question to receive better attention, my suggestion is that you should create a separate thread. This is As-Salik's thread and it deals with her particular problem and she can benefit from all the advice that people give her regarding her problem. Your post.....might cause people to become distracted from As-Salik's problem....and they'll end up giving YOU advice on **HER (As-Salik's) **thread, which isn't fair to her. My intention is not to offend you. I'm just trying to help you get better attention for your particular problem....and a separate thread will keep the information more organized for you.
Now about your problem......I've read your post and here are the possibilities that I've come up with:
1) I do sense that there is some jealousy that your sister has toward you because she didn't congratulate you when you got a job. And jealousy between sisters/siblings is very normal.
2) Your sister's mother-in-law (MIL) and your fiance's mom are SISTERS and the BOTH DON'T GET ALONG. Maybe your sister's MIL is constantly complaining to her about your fiance's family. And maybe your sister is SCARED that if you marry this guy......then this will create problems between you and her (your sister) because both families don't get along. In other words, she doesn't want the family drama to cause problems between you and her. Think about it. Tomorrow what if your sister's MIL tells her that she is not allowed to see you or talk to you........because of problems between the two families. Your sister could be afraid that the family drama will affect the relationship you both have. Maybe this is her way of trying to protect you.
3) Maybe your sister's mother-in-law is giving her a HARD TIME because you are marrying the son of her enemy. Sometimes mothers-in-law take out their anger on their daughters-in-law. Plus, you don't live with your sister, so you don't know how her life is like. Maybe her in-laws are creating problems for her because you got engaged to a family they don't like. And to them this might symbolize some pathetic kind of betrayal.
SUGGESTION:
Sit down with your sister and talk to her calmly. Tell her, **"Look, Baji, you are my sister and I love you. I'm not your enemy and I have no desire to be one. If we can't even communicate now as sisters, then how will things go for us in the future. You're older than me and I know that as my sister, you would want what you believe is best for me. So, please........tell me honestly, what is going on here. Are your in-laws giving you a hard time because I'm marrying your husband's cousin? Are you afraid that if I marry into a family that your in-laws don't like, that this will cause problems between you and me? Are you afraid that my rishta is impacting your marriage? My fiance seems like a nice person to me. He hasn't done anything to hurt me. And I want to believe that your opinions are not out of spite toward me....but rather out of love. So, please open up to me and tell me what's bothering you."
^ SU, like with most things in life, there's no guarantee that talking will resolve every single conflict you have. But from experience I've found that it can help alleviate the situation sometimes.
Have you ever confronted your sister and tried to have a one-on-one conversation to find out why exactly she doesn't want you to marry that guy? Maybe she knows some stuff (being a part of their family)? She's your sister, you need to talk to her about this, and especially now when you're going to be a part of her other family as well. You don't want your and her inlaws getting amused that you both have tensions among yourselves.. being siblings and all.
My sister is also engaged to my husband's best friend. His mother and my mil are like bestest friends/sisters. It was me and hubby who introduced my sister to the guy because he's always been very close to both of us. I am also very close to my sister's mil-to-be. It makes us all happy to think that she will be marrying into a nice family who we know so well.. but at the same time when I don't agree with something, I know that I can sit down with my sister or her fiance and talk to them about it. You guys are family, you need to communicate like one.
maybe she is protecting you from something, love can be blind so think with your head and not your heart.
Talk to her about what is going on! if you cant speak to her face to face because you find it difficult then write a letter or an email it also might be easier to express yourself in that way
what kind of things does your sister tell your mum about your fiance?
My guess is something I shouldnt say but I will: she might feel like you're marrying into a family where she feels she has some control or image. Once you come into the picture, you might threaten that image and she might be compared to you. That will be obviously make her feel bad if you have some sort of advantage over her.
How odd. Why would a sister do that? Sisters usually are so close to each other. My sister and I are always looking out for each other and honestly I have never seen jealousy between sisters.
Maybe your sister's MIL and her husband told your sister to prevent this wedding from happening since her MIL and your MIL are not on good terms with each other. Maybe her MIL is being vindictive....
Mizz wat does ur sis exactly tell ur mom against ur engagement.does she clearly says break it,not worth it? or she just gives some advice against things u n ur fiance r doing n she feels they r not right.
when u say me n my fiance both know she creates probs wat exactly r those probs?n how does ur fiance knows abt this thing ?r u by any chance telling ur fiance everything she says to ur mom.
i think u certainly hav to do a reality check here.
my question is if ur sis was married in that family b4 u n she didn't want u to marry in the same family y did u ever cook things up behind her back?liking someone is not reason enuf to go against ur siblings.may be its not her creating prob in ur life but u creating probs in her married life.shes trying to make her spot in a totally new family n may be ur engagement is impacting her status in her in-laws.i'm not sure if she jealous of u coz in my eyes a happily married life is much more satisfying than good education n gr8 job.she has no reasons to be jealous of u unless she never wanted to marry in the first place or isn't happy with her marriage.
if i were u i would hav backed off long time ago coz hurting ur blood relations for a stranger is the worst thing love can make u do.
"Mizz naaiy rishton ki khatir puranay rishtay tore nahi daitay"n this is exactly wat u r doing.
guys b4 my sis found out that me and him chat she used to say to me that i will make sure u and him get together....she used to say to my mum that shes gna be part of my family...
To be honest with u its just not in this department that shes against me its always something or the other....i have confronted her a few times but she always finds something or the other to try and justify her point
Even with my other siblings she tries to stir things up...
I dont even know why i bothered opening a new thread about this theres nothing i can do...i dont think she'l ever change her ways....im always there 4 her as a sis in her good times and in her bad times thats wat sisters r 4...it just hurts to see why she cant be the same towards me
Ok u tell me for arguments sake lets just says she is against me and my fiance 4 some other reason that i may not know but why cant she show any happiness towards me about anythng else...i recently got a good job...she didnt even wish me well even my younger sis said 'what is wrong with baji she seemed all moody around u wen u told us about u gettin the job?'
So its nt just me and my mind
il tell u wot i think...she probly cant accept the fact that i got to marry someone out of my choice im going in to her family but becuase my mil has more of a status in comparison to her mil il be given more importance than her
(now u all must be thinkin wat a cow i am for thinkin like ths about my own sis)
i've been puttin up with her horrid attitude towards me 4 the past 4yrs....i cant open up to my family members abt ths becuase i dont want them to thnk bad of her in any way....im totally open with my fiance so he knws everythng...hes like my best freind even he can sense how she treats me like utter crap
dont get me wrong we are not at eachothers throats 24/7.....we get on up to face value but i wouldnt trust her with any of my business...but everythng she does is in a sly way and i always manage to find out
maybe she is upset with her own life and therefore is bitter towards you because she may feel that you have been luckier than her life.
Until someone is happy with themselves they find it hard to find joy in other peoples happiness, maybe you should cut her some slack even is she has a horrid attitide towards you. When she says something to you think..this is not my fault so i wont take it to heart.
…