OK my dear girlies, before you shout at me and say grow up, I have officially gone into ‘fear mode’; why? Well, my future MIL is going to officially propose for my hand to my father in the coming days and she is keen to set a date before next summer! Basically this is an arranged process, the guys family have done their homework on me and I have done it on them, now its in my family’s hand-my family prefer it if we are happy with the proposal before coming to them-you catch my point?
Okay, fear because
its happening so quickly
i m petrified of all the (physical) pain associated with it, esp after reading the labour stories on the other strand here!
Maybe you and the guy can go out for dinner or something together and see how it goes? Just to lighten the mood and become familiar with each other a little bit.
Dont be upset abt it! u shud be feeling butterflies (if ur happy with who ur about to get engaged with) If its going to fast then SAY something. And i wudnt think abt kids yet b4 ur even engaged lol bless ya!
Thanks girls for the comments. I guess its all the physical side of things :(
Not giving a baby YET!!!! but when i read the labour room stories i reached another level of fear! maybe all girls go through this!
My mother isnt alive nor do i have sisters, and so here i am talking to you people whom i ve never met and sharing my personal fears! i m so shy in going into the chemist to educate myself about this, therefore those who are married do tell me what i need before heading off to susral.
PLus do you recommend the pill? or which other methods are safer and reliable !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
You're putting the cart waaaaaaayyyyyy before the horse.
It's good that you're trying to educate yourself. You should probably make an appointment with a gynecologist for a checkup and to talk about the things you have question about. She'll be the best person to advise you on contraceptive methods and which, if any, are right for you. See if you can find a Muslim doctor...chances are, she'll be able to better understand your concerns. Is there a trusted, married female relative or friend that you can speak to about your fears? Someone who isn't afraid of frank discussion? Talk to her as well.
As for labor, I won't try to sugar coat it for you. From everything I heard, it is very difficult and painful BUT, there are a number of things that can be done to help ease the process and make it a less painful one. I've also heard from many women that though it was the most difficult thing they've done, they'd happily do it all over again. And Allah SWT has made us women strong...he built us in such a way that our bodies endure the process and bounce right back from it.
But seriously, STOP worrying about this. One thing at a time like Sara said. You're engaged. Concentrate on getting to know the boy and his family better. Have fun and savor the present. There's a sweetness to this time that will never come 'round again. Once it's gone, it's gone. Once you're married, savor the time when it's just you and the hubby. The rest WILL fall into place, Inshallah.
Visit a gynecologist and ask her about safe and reliable contraception methods. She may prescribe you oral contraceptives but don't start taking any pill without first visiting a doctor.
And why are you freaking out about labor already? Thats something you should worry about after you're pregnant.
And when you are pregnant, your can talk to your obstetrician about pain relieving meds during labor. My mom had epidural when she had me, and she didn't feel any pain at all. So did most of my cousins and friends. Most women get epidural unless a doctor goes against it if thers some serious contraindication.
...Dont worry hun, you are going to be absoloutely fine, just wait and see...:)
I know its such a nerve-wracking time, because you are going to be entering a new phase in your life, but stay positive, be happy, and have faith in God, and just wait and see....you are going to have a fabulous life ahead of you, I'm sure.!
Like mentioned before, do go out with your hubby to be beforehand, if you can, and get to know each other, that will help to put your mind at ease....
First off - Congratulations on your upcoming baat paki. :)
Second off - No worries about feeling fearful. I think it is understandable that you are feeling the way you are since your mother is not alive and you do not have sisters. This must be a very emotional and stressful time for you....especially because you probably feel very alone. But definitely take the other guppies advice into calming down and taking it one step at a time.
If you really do feel like this is happening too fast (for reasons other than your pain fear), then talk to your father about it. He is your father and your best interests are in his heart. I am sure he will listen to you.
Do you have any close khalas or girl cousins you can discuss your fears with??? A mamani or Phupo?? Someone??? Once your baat paki is official, even though you are very shy, it will be considered perfectly normal for you to ask them for advice ....especially since you don't have your own mom and sisters to consult.
I agree with Mistral and Tammy that you should probably go to a gynecologist sometime before your shaadi will actually happen. They gyno will answer all and every question you have in regards to your body, any kind of future pain you are worried about, birth control, etc. You will probably feel so much more at ease once you have gone through with this visit.
Do not worry about labor pains yet...... its a scary thought for all of us girls who have not had to go through it yet... but why start thinking about it now?!?!? Come back to GS with those questions once you are preggo in the future (iA). :)
As for birth control... that is definitely a valid concern. You should talk to the gynecologist who will educate you on all the different methods and also suggest what is the best kind for you (remember that there are many different kinds of pills out there as well - each contain different level of hormones). I read in another thread about this particular topic that people generally think that your future hubby should know if you are going to be on the pill. I kinda agree. Once your baat paki has happened and you will be communicating more with your future hubby, just casually bring up in conversation about how many kids he would like to have in the future. It is a very reasonable and innocent question. From there, you can touch on the topic of birth control.
I know you are shy - but it is always good to have good communication with the person you will end up with. Certain matters such as this one should not be left as a surprise..nor should one be unprepared.
(as long as you stay calm:))
