My daughter is nearly 13 months and i just found out i’m pregnant again. Do you think its too soon to be pregnant again? do you think i should have waited a bit longer? i’ve been feeling very emotional since i found out and i feel bad because im not happy. The weird thing is we were trying but only did it once and i just didnt think i would get pregnant so quick and now i am im not happy..is this normal..is it just hormones. is it too soon…will i not be able to give my daughter enough attention?
have anyone of you had small gaps between children? is it really hard?
No! I think roughly two years is a great age gap. I would love to have children with that age gap. I think the companionship that can develop is great for kids 1-2 years apart, especially when kids are older (and may find it hard to open up to parents).
But it can be stressful and you can feel a lot of pressure, especially if you make it about what you are "supposed" to do and whether it's "okay".
Congratulations! And talk to your hubby about how best to share responsibilities.
By the way, one of my brothers and I are only a year apart, and Ammi says it actually was good because she could be done with things at similar time, and we went through phases together. Plus we kept each other company. She wasn't trying to keep a 5yo entertained and busy while dealing with nursings and feedings and spit ups and stuff like that.
Sahar, I love you and I'm so glad you replied. I been crying a lot and feel so bad that Allah has given a blessing and I am being ungrateful. But after I found out I was pregnant I thought why did I do it?
I could have just relaxed this year and chilled out with my daughter and enjoyed her and given her lots of love and undivided attention but now I have to go through this whole pregnancy malaky and will I have time for my daughter? by the way I work full time. Then when baby no.2 comes will my daughter be ignored? I feel like it is unfair to her….
Also maybe I am being selfish but I just lost loads of weight and started to look better and was enjoying work. But don’t get me wrong I always wanted more children and still do but what was the hurry???? ohhhhhh……
Like I said this wasn't even an accident we had actually planned it…it was just too quick I thought it would take a while. My mum is also upset with me which isn't helping the situation, she is the one who said I should have waited another year. By the way I will be 31 in June. Is it normal to feel this, is this hormonal?
awww sparroww hugs dun worry... my daughter was only 5 mnths and strted feelin broody although she was and IS still colicky and ive had a very difficult time raising her. that feelin went away but it took some time. even i thot its better to just get over with. if u think this way its betteru have another one now since u know how to actually raise a baby... fod timings... other baby routine. if u give a gap and then try by that time u will b used to a different lifestyle, that is a lil laidback yet busy lifestyle. but if u have babies back to back, no doubt ull b stressed and over tired... but atleaast its just a matter of first few years and then u can enjoy a COMPLETE free life.. better to have babies soon. just thank Allah and try to enjoy ur preg.. think it this way... the sooner u have kids the more independent ull b (mch sooner than other moms who give a 2-3 yr or more gap)
I was thinking some people have twins! and they are fine. Im actually quite lucky my daughter although she is only 13 months she has been walking since she was 10 months and has been sleeping through the night for a long time. Maybe if i had left it another year i would have been so use to a certain lifestyle that it would have been a big shock. Well we have the bottle steriliser set up, the stair gates in place, the house is baby accident proof so maybe it is a good time...Allah knows best. I still can't help feeling down....also shall i tell you something really pathetic...i feel that it will be embarrasing to tell people i am pregnant again...especially the white people at work (by the way i work at a huge international Law firm) Will they think...she's only been back a month and she's pregnant again? not that i will tell them yet...i will tell them in March time. is it normal? is it embarrassing to be pregnant again so soon? I loved being pregnant the first time as i loved the attention...will it be different this time...maybe it's always different when it's your second, third etc...if i had waited a bit longer would it have been more special?
^ Most working moms (including the white ones) I know try to get the baby phase done with sooner, so that they can go back to work uninterrupted. It's 4-6 years that are harder to manage, but then they are set.
congrats Sparrow…you should be very happy and grateful. I have 3 kids with around 2 years of gap between each of them. Hope everything goes fine with pregnancy inshallah.
Sparrow, my brother and I have a very small age gap.. and I can’t tell you how well we got along! I’ve been putting-up baby pictures and all I see is him hugging/kissing me. That’s an ideal age-gap Mashallah! Congrats!
Sahar, you make so much sense...your reply was so beautiful...made me cry loads and I am currently at work sitting at my desk…I need to go to the toilets to check my mascara isn't all down my face before someone comes to speak to me....You are so right we are told by 'people' what is the right and wrong way of making a family...and sometimes we can get so caught up in that that life just passes you by. Once i heard a celeb interview and she had 2 children because she was told that it was sensible in terms of providing them a good (private) education, size of the car, size of the house etc....and now she was old she wished she hadn't been so sensible and had been like some other women out there who just did it. Anyway I'm not saying go wild and have a baby every year but it doesn't have to be a rigid timetable.
Thinking about it my life has revolved around a time table. At 21 I completed my BA, at 22 I completed my MSc and got a good job at this law firm, at 24 I bought my house by the age of 26 I had completely renovated it from scratch the only thing that isn't new in my house are the four walls that make it, at 27 I got married and at 29 I had baby number 1. This was the way I had planned things…I was told not to do one thing until the other thing was done....anyway i Ihink imimpust going on....but what im trying to say is that in my timetable bay n02 should have come maybe next year and not this year. I should have concentrated on work this year saved up money paid off any cards and then had the baby next year. But when me and hubby were discussing it last month…(he really really wants another baby)..i agreed and things happened but I thought nothing would happen and I decided not to do it again so this Saturday I had a bit of a shock when I found out I was!
Sahar…this bit made me cry loads That little girl *adores her baby bhai and is always excitedly helping her mother out with him and talking to her mother about things. And he loves to watch her play and giggles away as she prances or chatters. In the meantime, their mom, though busy, is able to manage it.*
I have to pretend my contact lenses are hurting me!
Sparrow, I found out I was pregnant around Sep 2010 and my baby had just turned 13 months..what shall I say, I had the same feelings, had a good cry at my mom's place but she made me feel good about it. Its my third. For my first 2 I have a gap of almost 4 years .. I wanted a 3 years gap .. but Allah ki marzi ... so this time I was thinking for one year kuch nahi ho ga .. but it happenend the first month. :-D
Dont worry .. I too was about to start work in may this year .. so now i will have to wait .. now I am content that it was the best thing ... that happened... give it time iA and u will overcome these fears and feelings.
My daughter was 6 months when i became pregnant again! it was hard (being pregnant and taking care of her and myself) as hell but I managed somehow, it's is still hard since both are still little babies, 6 months and 21 months, i wont lie, it's double the work but it becomes a routine, and also I am starting to see they are developing a bond, so it makes me feel good that they will be each other's buddy soon enough inshallah :)
Trust me if i can get through it so can you :)....hang in there!
my girls are 20 month apart. On her first birthday party - I found a I was pregnant. It was overwhelming at first but they are the closest of friends. It will be hard initially (I am not saying that it won't be) but in the long run you might be glad it turned out this way.
My advice is: Just take care of your health, make sure you have a good support system around you (during and after your pregnancy) and let the little stuff go. Enjoy your pregnancy and congrats!
about the not giving your children enough attention: it all works out. I use to feel the same way. Am I going to neglect the older one? But it will teach your older one to be more independent of you and actually learn some social skills what they should be doing in the first place at 2.
I started giving my hubby chores to do with the older one for the initial baby phase. Start transitoning things like eating meals, diaper changing, bedtime routine to another member of your family like your spouse, grandparents. It will make it easier.
I don't think theres anything wrong with it, tough and diffiult yes, but I think its worth it...if I have a choice I would prefer to have them close together
