I'm losing my mind ...

Lifestyle Relationships
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http://www.paklinks.com/gs/relationships/653323-married-8-months-7-months-pregnant-divorced.html ← Background

My daughter is 3 months now … and not once has he come to see her or even sent her anything, not even a teddy… It hurts! It hurts a lot and I cry for my daughter because her father has taken his gf to italy, turkey and dubai since feburary of this year, but he doesn’t care for his daughter at all … not once has he asked how his daughter is or if she needs anything, not once …

I am so angry, why the hell did he marry me if he was never going to leave his gf … I go to birthdays, wedding etc etc and I see dads holding their daughters, dads playing with their daughters and it hurts, I’ve left multiple event crying because I just can’t deal …

I just want to stay in bed all day, I don’t do anything other then feed, change and bathe my daughter. Thank god for my family who plays with her and spends time with her, I want to, but I just can’t … I have to be strong for my daughter but I can’t right now …

I stalk his and his gf’s fb, ig etc , I know I need to stop, but I can’t … when I don’t stalk their social media, I’m happy, but it only lasts a week then I’m back to stalking them again …

All I wanted was to be happy and have a family of my own, I was the best wife and DIL I could have ever been … He choose to marry me, I didn’t force him, he wanted to marry me … because of him I didn’t get to enjoy my pregnancy, now I can’t enjoy my daughter because his betrayal haunts me …
I don’t know if I’ll ever find true happiness… will I ever trust a man again? or will I spend the rest pf my life alone and miserable …

If committing suicide wasn’t a big sin, I would honestly do it, the hurt, anger and pain is too much for me to handel, I just can’t … and I don’t know what to do anymore? …

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Re: I'm losing my mind ...

Look at this way, your daughter is better off not being anywhere a man like your ex-husband. She doesn't need such a foul influence in her life. The less he sees her, the better it is. So don't feel sorry for your daughter or yourself, feel sorry for your ex, that is missing out the love a daughter gives to her father. It's his loss. Not yours or your baby's.

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Re: I'm losing my mind ...

It's better that he not be in your lives at all than come and go. I am sorry you had to go through this, hugs! You might want to seek therapy or counseling and since you both live in the European Union, maybe there are legal avenues available to make him pay child support!

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Re: I'm losing my mind ...

Man up, woman! Well, eventually anyway. Your hormones are probably still all over the place and even if you and your husband were together and happily married, this would be a difficult time for you. You know that you need to stop stalking them, so you have to find the strength to do that... then you have to find the strength to be a mother and a father to your little girl and I'm sure you can do it. It sounds like your daughter is surrounded by people who love her and that's the main thing. Things will get better, just slowly try to start focussing on building your future.

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Re: I’m losing my mind …

Like @Ess_Emm and @eastern11 said, you both are better off without him. Don’t dwell on his betrayal or the hurt he caused you; don’t let the idea of revenge consume rest of your life. Instead focus on what you can do to make your lives better. Getting out of all this stronger and better is the ultimate payback. Your daughter depends on you completely and is counting on you. So do whatever it takes to do right by her. Talk to someone, make friends. By all means pursue all the legal options at your disposal, but don’t let that overtake other parts of your life. Above all, keep faith. Nothing happens without Allah’s will and there is definitely khayr in what he has ordained for you.

Like Allama said:

Tundi-e-Baad-e-Mukhallif se na ghabra, ae Uqaab
Yeh to chalti hai tujhe ooncha udane ke liye

( Don’t be afraid of violent,furious storms, O Eagle; These blow only to take you higher )

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Re: I'm losing my mind ...

Try and be strong and show your ex you can do better.. Success is the best revenge..

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Re: I'm losing my mind ...

Your daughter will grow up in a safe, protected environment where she will be loved, cherished. She will never feel like she's missing something.

And there's another jahan after this. He's not going to get away with it. Your pain will never be forgotten.

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Re: I'm losing my mind ...

Op, you are justified in feeling hurt. But it is you that is causing yourself to lose your own mind; not your husband.

These precious moments of childhood are not going to come back and you are missing out on them. Later on, as in years later, you may regret it. You should be the one to tell your daughter about these precious moments. But how can you when you've chosen to isolate yourself like this? Don't put yourself in a position that you may deeply regret later on.

And you're contemplating suicide? The darkly funny thing is that your husband not only cheated on you, he also ditched his kid. He is a loser. And being such a LOSER, look at how much he values his own life.....he's out there havin' fun and enjoying his life. A LOSER like him thinks his own life is toooo precious for him to even think about killing himself. And you don't value your own life enough and that's sad. Why would you wanna kill yourself over him? Is he really worth that much to you? You don't see him willing to kill himself over you and your daughter? So, why have you put yourself down like this?

See, your husband made the huge mistake of severing his relationship with you and daughter. He ditched his own kid. He maybe has weak iman or little fear/regard for Allah because people who fear Allah are mindful of not hurting others and of fulfilling the rights others have on them. So he didn't even have his priorities in the right order. And ya know what, ConfusedME? You are making the same mistakes as your husband. You are ditching your daughter....just like your husband did. You are treating daughter like a burden or a chore that you'd rather be rid if once the feeding and diaper changing has been done.....just like your husband washed his hands of you and his child. Just like your husband, you do not have the priorities in the right order either at the moment. He didn't give first priority to his daughter.....and now you too are not giving first priority to your daughter. He has weak iman and you, too, are showing weakness in iman by contemplating suicide.

Wake up, OP.

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Re: I'm losing my mind ...

Yes, it will feel like the world is coming to an end for a while. A long while.

And then...one day you will feel a little bit better, then a little bit more better and there will come a time when you will look at your heartbroken self with embarrassment. What were you thinking? Why did you waste your tears? Why didn't you enjoy your little one? All those precious moments - lost.

Your kid needs you way more than you need you. Its wrong to wallow when you've got someone entirely dependent on you for every little thing. Put yourself to the side until you're strong enough to deal with your feelings and focus on your baby. She will never be a baby again...she will keep growing and you will forever regret not putting her before yourself.

You, my friend, do not have time for grieving. You have a baby - she comes first.

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Re: I'm losing my mind ...

Try to be strong for her. A friend of mine went through something similar. Her husband of 4 years married someone else while she was pregnant and left her when the baby was 1 month old. She has made her daughter her whole life now and tries not to think of him.

Pls block his and his gf's social media accounts. Block and block them forever. From social media and your life too.

I'm sure that your ex husband will regret one day and will come looking for his daughter.

Please be strong for your baby. You're blessed to have her.

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Re: I'm losing my mind ...

Il repeat what others said to you, believe me you and your daughter are better off without him. Crazy as it may sound, I think he is a lot better than men who dont divorce their wives and torture them all life.
Just put the past behind you and start a new life. Were you working before you got married? Why dont you start working once your daughter is a little older?
Your daughter is God's gift to you, dont take her for granted.

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Re: I'm losing my mind ...

Take care of your daughter, become the strongest person to walk on this earth. Most importantly, he is the one who should regret walking out on a family. Believe me, you lost nothing if he is anything like a man, you have described in your post. Start working on your career and get remarried as soon as you think you're ready. Do believe in Allah you may find someone very special.

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Re: I'm losing my mind ...

sending you prayers, love and strength.
May Allah watch over you guys.

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Re: I'm losing my mind ...

May Allah grant you patience and bless you and your daughter Ameen
Indeed with difficulty ease comes!!
Just live your life and be strong!!....and leave the matter to Allah and soon you will see the blessing inshaAllah.

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Re: I'm losing my mind ...

He has hurt you already, try not to hurt yourself by stalking him. Also, don't let him ruin your time with your daughter, it will not come again.

Pray and leave this to Allah.

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Re: I'm losing my mind ...

.......

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Re: I'm losing my mind ...

I really feel sorry for that guy.

Do you have formal education ?
Can you move to US/off continent ?
Are you eating well ? (might sound off-topic)
Do you consider yourself healthy in your current state ? (your previous post was in feb 2015)

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Re: I'm losing my mind ...

You want answers to why he did what he did. But would any of his answers justify infidelity and ditching a child? Would they satisfy you? What do you gain from keeping tabs on him other than heartache? Don't wait for him. Your daughter is more deserving of that time and energy that you're still spending on him. If you two are divorced, then that door is closed now. If you two are only separated, don't wait for him to come back. Live your life. He might wake up in the future and realize that he should keep in touch with his child, but don't wait for that. Cross that bridge when u get there. For now, focus in yourself and your daughter.

You'd rather stay in bed and stalk him on FB than play with your daughter. The difference between you and the guy is that you put your misery before your child and he put his nafs/lust/selfish desires over his child. In both cases, the child takes a backseat. Yes, you need time to grieve. You need time to heal. But to facilitate that process, stop keeping tabs on him and take little steps in bonding with your daughter. Spend at least five minutes playing with her. Then increase it by ten. But take those tiny steps or later on you'll regret that you missed out on these moments with her. And turn to Allah. Not maintaining that connection with Him when you're depressed will only make you sink deeper and I say this from personal experience.

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Re: I'm losing my mind ...

@ConfusedMe: I agree with the others that your daughter is better off with him in this case. I'm not a mental health professional but a lot of what you described sounds like severe depression. Since your mental status is having such a negative effect on your daily life....to the point where you're losing precious time with your infant daughter, I strongly urge you to see professional help. Go find a psychologist/conunselor and also consider seeing a psychiatrist for possible anti-depressants. You need to do whatever it takes to get out this depression. Don't waste precious time trying to do it on your own. Seek out professional help so that you can focus on your little girl b/c you are all she has right now.

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Re: I'm losing my mind ...

The pain will be there for awhile. But inshallah it will slowly fade and one day you will wake up and realise that you, and your daughter, don't need this pathetic excuse for a husband in your lives. Forget him. Block them on social media as someone advised. Try to pull yourself up from the slump you are in and focus on your daughter. Pretend he's dead if you have to (sorry I know that may seem harsh but I am truly disgusted by how he has treated you both). And one day he will come running when he realises he has lost his daughter forever and by then it will be too late. Please try to remain strong. You are worth so much more than he is and don't need to put yourself through this. Have you considered counselling? I think it may be helpful. Hang in there and inshallah will remember you in our prayers.