Just want to share an issue which is tearing my heart apart just because I’m hell sensitive and I can’t help myself. I have no one with me to share all this no friends, siblings are small :(.
The issue is people around me my relatives who is making my and my siblings life a mess:(. They are from my mom’s side. Everything was just ok before 3 years, every aunt use to talk fine with us, they use to love us but now the case is opposite. They now hate us like hell. But this is for us only not for our other cousins.
The case is we don’t live in Pakistan, we live abroad and whenever we go to Pakistan we live in our uncles house because before we had a house from my fathers side but now that is on rent as everybody shifted from that house :(. So we have to live with our moms relatives. Anyways, now these relatives have started creating difference among the cousins and whenever we go to Pakistan and others cousins too (Some live abroad and some in Pakistan), my aunts and uncles only and only give us brothers and sisters tanai and lantai and baduas. They everytime insist my mother to say sorry to all of them. They look at us as if they will eat us. My mother gets helpless too because we are living at their place. Their attitude with others is very very good but not with us. I’m a grown up girl but I feel that all these things drive me crazy. Peoples attitude and these people brain wash my mom so much that then she starts fighting with us for no reason. We love our mom too much, she is fine when we live in our home abroad but as soon as we go to Pakistan same things happen. I’m going to be married in a few months but I cannot even concentrate on that. My fiance wants to talk to me like hell but because of them and their tanai my mom told me not to talk to him because his family is our family friends and everyone know each other well.
I get so much depressed as if my head will burst and I cry all the time. I cannot explain it to anyone. I tell my mom here but when she is with them she forgets everything. Last time when we came from Pakistan their attitude was hell bad they stopped talking to my mom because of us and they were not picking up our fone when my mom use to call them from here and even my cousins were not talking to my mom whom she loved soooo much. No when she has gone to Pakistan alone everyone is good with her, happy just because we are not there. Mamu also give us tanai all the time because of these children ur(mom) life will be destroyed u don’t like to help other children of ur family and bla bla.
Everyone expects me to say sorry to them to touch their feet but for what for what crime should we do that. I have evaluated myself zillion times but I didnt find anything. Always respected them, never answered back, did all of their work even cleaning washing and all. Took them in our car in the whole city just to fulfill their work. Still we are bad for them. We are living like Princesses in our home abroad but in Pakistan we are like kaam walis. Mom sees all this and even fought with them but they never change. Just because we dont have a home there.
What should I do. I have to face them after few days somehow or the other but thank God we have bought our own home in Pakistan but still all these people haunt me day and night, in my dreamz and even other cousins don’t want to talk to us. They stay online but never talk to us.
They have no right to give you any tanay. We have similar relatives in Pak and I can relate a bit. We don't even bother telling anyone when we go there. We don't need to socialise with such jerks. I don't know if you guys can do what we did but if you could your life would probably be a lot peaceful.
Next time you go, rent your own place so just you and your family live in peace. Also stand up for yourself a little bit BUT with a 'mheeti zubaan'.
I have a couple of relatives like this in pakistan, they used to taunt me all the time because i was polite, if i tried to argue back i became 'badtameez' but if you use a mheeti zabaan then you wont be badtameez and no will will say anything to you.
Yup I hope it will be peaceful because we have got a home. We are already having a big house but we can't live there as it is very big and we go for only 1 month and after that who will take care. Anyways. Those ppl always interfere in our matters and they never tell my mom anything regarding their matters. It is not that they are uneducated, they are well educated and still they do such things. Everytime they say you ppl have to much nakhra problem, u dont clean and bla bla. Its a mental torture :'(
I so agree with ngjal. Will your life not function if you don't see them? When you go to Pak just keep yourself busy with shopping etc ( that's what I do). Such relatives can rot in hell
These ppl are hell, they force us to live with them. And even for my engagement they didn't let my mom do a ceremony for me just do it home , do it at home. Wat to do.
*uff shopping kia. They try to keep a full control of our life. They keep our and mothers remote control in their hands. Yeh cheez achee nahee.Don't buy this, don' do that and if we say something they taunt our mom what sort of badtameez children u have. We dadicated all our lives for ur children. U came and lived in our home, We gave u our tv to watch and bla bla :(
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Fashiondiva: If they force you to live with them then don't go to pak. Simple. Infact teh only time it would be appropriate to o is when you are getting married
*nahee yar im not getting married to a cousin but family friends and he is nice. I have no tension from him, I know he will love me alot. And I want marrying him I forget everyone Only me him and my immediate family :)
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I had a similar situation..... when me and my siblings were in junior high our dad took us to pakistan for the summer and when the summer was over he packed his bags and told us he was going back and that he was gona leave us there...... so he totaly blackmailed us into going and we ended up staying there for 6 years, and on top of all that we had to stay with his family his 3 brothers and their families, while our dad was there everyone was really nice to us but when he left we were tortured we had to listen to tanay's and sometimes when my mom left to go to another city to visit her family they didnt give us food..... my dads family tried everything possible to destroy our lives by messing with our studies which they did, they convinced my dad that we should be home schooled and my dad was ok with it, so they took us out of school and got us a tutor and after a few months they stopped the tutor from comming so we dont get our education, we were there for 6 damn years without education without our dad and without any help and support, my mom died 4 years after we went there, and we were there alone, you have nooooooooo idea what my dads family put us through we felt like their servants, we cried day and night...... in the end they forced my sister to get married which she did, and my brother came back, I was stuck there and my dad was forcing me to get married and actually went to the point of abusing me because I said NO, some how I ran away and came back to the US and stayed with my khala and after a few months my khala started treating me like a servant and did everything she possibly couldve done to make my life a living hell then I had no choice but to come back to my dad ( in the US) now i got my GED and am trying to build up my life....... well then some of you guys know!!
All I have to say is just keep one thing in your mind that there are a lotttt of people in worse situations then you are and if they can get through this then so can you..... be strong and try to ignore what ever they say! Dont make your life miserable because of them do whatever you have to do and try to be happy! I totalyyyyy understand what your going through and it does make your head spin! but sweety trust me put whatever they say in one ear and take it out the other! I hope life gets easier for you Good luck!
*Thanks wonderz1. Yup sometime we make our lives hell becoz of someone else. I'm sorry for what happend in ur life. I pray for a beautiful life ahead for u :) Ameen
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what on earth?!?! i really dont get this psychology ... why?? and wonderz1 .. i mean ... no words ... the only experience i've had with these kind of things is with a friend of mine ... she was from india .. her family was in india ... she came to pakistan to study (dont ask me why, dont know) .. and she lived with her mother's family ... who lived in a combined family system ... damn it was so hard for her .... we could hardly ever go to her house .. so many times she would come to college in the morning crying ... same tanay and everything .... back in india her mother was the sort who goes to kitty parties and all ... and yahan iskay ami ki rishtaydaar would force her to cover her head and wear super super decent clothes ... i just couldnt understand why ....
I'm going to be married in a few months but I cannot even concentrate on that. My fiance wants to talk to me like hell but because of them and their tanai my mom told me not to talk to him because his family is our family friends and everyone know each other well.
If you're going to be married in a few months you'll now have your sasural to go to when you're in Pakistan. Try to put your bad experiences with your relatives in the past and make sure to establish a strong and loving relationship with your in-laws so that your relatives can't undermine it. Also, try to get your mum and if not your mum, than your siblings to visit with you (stay with you) when you're in Pakistan rather than the relatives.
When you go to Pakistan, stay quiet and keep to yourself. Do not talk to them, do not interact with them, stay away. If they force you, say you're not feeling well and leave. Do not stay in their home, eat their food, etc.
our relative are not like this but anyhoo, when u go you should leave the house by noon(when shops open) and not come back home until late evening. eat out, and never take them shopping with you.....just avoid them
I had a similar situation..... when me and my siblings were in junior high our dad took us to pakistan for the summer and when the summer was over he packed his bags and told us he was going back and that he was gona leave us there...... so he totaly blackmailed us into going and we ended up staying there for 6 years, and on top of all that we had to stay with his family his 3 brothers and their families, while our dad was there everyone was really nice to us but when he left we were tortured we had to listen to tanay's and sometimes when my mom left to go to another city to visit her family they didnt give us food..... my dads family tried everything possible to destroy our lives by messing with our studies which they did, they convinced my dad that we should be home schooled and my dad was ok with it, so they took us out of school and got us a tutor and after a few months they stopped the tutor from comming so we dont get our education, we were there for 6 damn years without education without our dad and without any help and support, my mom died 4 years after we went there, and we were there alone, you have nooooooooo idea what my dads family put us through we felt like their servants, we cried day and night...... in the end they forced my sister to get married which she did, and my brother came back, I was stuck there and my dad was forcing me to get married and actually went to the point of abusing me because I said NO, some how I ran away and came back to the US and stayed with my khala and after a few months my khala started treating me like a servant and did everything she possibly couldve done to make my life a living hell then I had no choice but to come back to my dad ( in the US) now i got my GED and am trying to build up my life....... well then some of you guys know!!
All I have to say is just keep one thing in your mind that there are a lotttt of people in worse situations then you are and if they can get through this then so can you..... be strong and try to ignore what ever they say! Dont make your life miserable because of them do whatever you have to do and try to be happy! I totalyyyyy understand what your going through and it does make your head spin! but sweety trust me put whatever they say in one ear and take it out the other! I hope life gets easier for you Good luck!
OMG I'm sorry to read this all!! Especially that your mother passed away!!