oh plzzzzzz ladies whats the fuss, thats how these little things creates problems in the house.
Re: I'm going to write some nonsense...
hareem hve u ever told ur hubby abt it??
i hope ur hubby is supporting
Re: I'm going to write some nonsense...
Flog them on Ebay! Secondly this has happened to my Mother and Sister also; they always get leftovers. People think they don't have taste so just give them landay ka maal.
Flog them on Ebay! Secondly this has happened to my Mother and Sister also; they always get leftovers. People think they don't have taste so just give them landay ka maal.
shocked wali smilie
shocked wali smilie
This is nothing. Unfortunately our life has been topsy turvy since my Mother got married. I don't want people thinking I'm playing the sympathy card here but If it wasn't for Allah's support over the years & then my mam's will power, I think we would have been on the 10 o'clock BBC bulletin. :( ]
The unfair things happen every year and I'm sure they are going to happen this year too.
My mother-in-law visits Pakistan every year with her family and does lots of shopping, she buys very beautiful and expensive clothes (specially in cotton) from Lahore for herself and for her daughters. She also gives me 1 or 2 set of shalwar qamiz as a gift but the clothes she gives me aren't of very good qaulity, they are made of cheap ghattiya looking silk with ugly colours and paindoo prints. I accept those clothes with thanks and a smile on my face but I give them to the charity shop next day. She also sometimes gives me her old clothes saying that she doesn't like them but what she did last year that made me upset, she presented two very beautiful dresses from Fortress to her niece's friend in front of me and told her to choose one from them.
I always choose for others what I like for myself and I expect from others to do the same. I'm expecting the same thing this year too from my MIL but I've decided that I WILL NOT accept her gifts, I can't be nice to her anymore.
dont do anything about it start buying ****ty things for her
if this is true as you say, ask your husband and you too, buy your Mother in Law very nice gift and say to her, you bought it with love, buy the same thing for your own Mom. if she is a caring wise woman, your Mother in law will get the point.
best, Dushwari
My hubby suggested the same thing, I will act upon it inshaAllah. Thanks for your kind advice.
Re: I'm going to write some nonsense...
you're welcome, dear hareem01. Allah swt is over looking us all and all our actions.
in relationships with relatives we need to be very caring and expect roughness.
but these are the occasions when if you are strong and have better and right intentions, you get the opportunity to teach something to someone, even if that person is older than you. the key is do so kindly and with respect and without expecting anything from people.
best,
Dushwari
Re: I'm going to write some nonsense...
Peace All
Hmm seconds thoughts !!!
My mother is a very simple woman. So I like to believe, but she is. Well I mean she can't compute. However, when it comes to being on guard with girls from the desi land, then she is so fuelled she ends up being too self-preserving. Of course there is an element of trust that is required when people are brought together.
My mother was the same person who encouraged me to marry this "really simple and nice" girl but it seems it takes a different meaning after marriage has taken place.
I would like to blame the drama and film influence and as a result of seeing this in my parents home we have none of it in our home. If the culture of their place was based on Islam rather than our version of it, then perhaps giving a nice gift might work, but we would have to contend with her ability to see laterally. On the other hand, with the Hindu class caste system of oppressing one who is meek and honouring those who are grand remains prevalent in their household, as a result she may receive it as an honoured person and thereafter may just give me credit for it and not my wife. Or may perhaps think what intent it is to give in such spare of the moment.
I think the only option is to become more overt in a gradual sense, if my wife feels she should do that. Hareem01 will wear either simple clothes or non-desi clothes, which are of good quality and high price but my mum will not see the price tag on her Western clothes, and see the price tag on her desi clothes only, therefore thinking her to be a not as trendy person. Fact remains my wife is in peril because of her good ability to compare what she gets with what others get, but my mum manages to give to others while in the company of third parties too. This is just not a good setup.
I also think things like this may go away when other things in our own lives start gathering momentum, usually it is a convenient way to shift frustration from something within to something external. Truth is by focussing on children so onerously it has put a lot of pressure on us and now it would be so convenient to have mod cons and all that stuff, but we need to squeeze while we are climbing to make it work. This pressure is being felt but I assure her patience is the best cure to her temporary issue with this matter it will stay here always but it will one day be more important and another day less.
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^ both of you can answer this..do you see any difference in what she gives your kids vs other ppls children?
Awww 
Seriously some desi MILs are really weird. I know what you’re talking about coz my grandmother hasn’t been nice to moi mummy at all 
The good thing is my dad notices these things and sorts his mother out 
Re: I'm going to write some nonsense...
Hareem, after reading all your posts, all I call recommend is that while it is hurtful sometimes to see that someone so close can take you for granted, it could also indicate that she actually feels you are easy to please as you never complain. She may be buying more expensive outfits for other people because they may have shown a negative attitude toward her in the past.
I say, don't you worry. In her heart she must respect your humility. This attitude of yours will reflect on your kids and they will grow up to be humble and content, Insha'Allah.
We can't really change anyone, we can lower our expectations and just let go which you have been doing very well indeed.
Re: I'm going to write some nonsense...
usually i tell my husband about such unfair things, then he'll deal with his mother...
usually i tell my husband about such unfair things, then he'll deal with his mother...
Peace crystal1301
It's when husbands are used as the weapon of attack toward their own mothers which can cause deeper wounds to heal. If you love your husband you should not get him to do your hard work with his mother, if you love yourself then you will realise the best option is to think on different level. i.e. how a given situation is a test for your patience.
Hareem, after reading all your posts, all I call recommend is that while it is hurtful sometimes to see that someone so close can take you for granted, it could also indicate that she actually feels you are easy to please as you never complain. She may be buying more expensive outfits for other people because they may have shown a negative attitude toward her in the past.
I say, don't you worry. In her heart she must respect your humility. This attitude of yours will reflect on your kids and they will grow up to be humble and content, Insha'Allah.
We can't really change anyone, we can lower our expectations and just let go which you have been doing very well indeed.
Peace Sister Niksik
You are not wrong. These are all explanations, however, it is for this reason I see the inheretence laws of Islam as being perfect. It, without judging proximity and closeness deals with everyone on an equal basis, i.e. 2 brothers for example will get an equal amount and 2 sisters will get an equal amount. No ones share is to compromised based on our perception of them.
With fairness people talk less, but they don't stop talking.
If only the people understood the values of Islam correctly and such situations would not exist. There is nothing I want more than to have my wife treated like a daughter by my mother, but then I also expect my mother to be treated like a mum by my wife. Just ideality?
Hareem you should tell u're MIL directly that you don't need her dresses OR old clothes! And tell u're husband as well.. how can people give their old clothes to their DIL's! You should be vocal about such things and put u're foot down if such things aren't nipped at the bud they keep getting worse furthur on.
Re: I'm going to write some nonsense...
^woh meri mother-in-law hain meri choti behan nahi.
i don't have problem with getting old clothes as long as they are given to me out of love.
Re: I'm going to write some nonsense...
salaam hareem..
i would agree with a lot of the posts already...
sadly marriage is about patience in every situation that comes up... i can totally understand how u feel but remember things like this can cause problems- bitterness & spoil ur relationship with ur mother in law- is it worth it? esp over kapre? the fact that u give them to charity shows that she dsnt mind if u wear them or not (most in laws do & get offended if u dont) so i think ur quite lucky!
continue to accept them with a smile but wen she gives kapre to her daughters mayb u cud compliment them- 'i love that colour, that style' mayb theyd understand ur taste a bit more? & next time get u something similar...
good luck & dont let it get to u so much (i no its easy to say) xx
Re: I’m going to write some nonsense…
Hareem ! tum ko bhi tu unhoon ne hi pasand kia hoga , kia tab bhi choice kharab thi ? :aq:
sharam karo ! Ek tu bo tumharey leye gift laati hain our tum keerey nikalti ho 
Zara socho ! Sab se bara gift unhoon ne apna Heerey jaisa beeta tum ko de deia , is se barh kar kia hosakta hai.
Mujhey pehley lagta tha ab yakeen ho gaya hai ke tumhaari saas bohat saada hain. Tumhain bohat dheel di hoi hai. Tumhara miyaan bhi bohat shareef aadmi hai.
Allah ka shukar ada karo ke itney achey logon ke darmeyan ho.
Zara socho ! Sab se bara gift unhoon ne apna Heerey jaisa beeta tum ko de deia , is se barh kar kia hosakta hai. .
yeh kya bakwas hai code-red?