The unfair things happen every year and I’m sure they are going to happen this year too.
My mother-in-law visits Pakistan every year with her family and does lots of shopping, she buys very beautiful and expensive clothes (specially in cotton) from Lahore for herself and for her daughters. She also gives me 1 or 2 set of shalwar qamiz as a gift but the clothes she gives me aren’t of very good qaulity, they are made of cheap ghattiya looking silk with ugly colours and paindoo prints.
I accept those clothes with thanks and a smile on my face but I give them to the charity shop next day.
She also sometimes gives me her old clothes saying that she doesn’t like them but what she did last year that made me upset, she presented two very beautiful dresses from Fortress to her niece’s friend in front of me and told her to choose one from them.
I always choose for others what I like for myself and I expect from others to do the same.
I’m expecting the same thing this year too from my MIL but I’ve decided that I WILL NOT accept her gifts, I can’t be nice to her anymore.
Oh man thats very unfair. I guess you should just be straight up with her and tell her that you don’t see yourself wearing what she has given you so she can keep it or give it to someone else Hopefully, she’ll get the message?
I don’t understand why some MIL’s be like this She should try and treat you the same way she treats her daughters
Hareem I think you should get your message across ina way that won't hurt her or cause any conflict. If you do not wish to accept any presents from her you can simply say something along this line " Thank you so much but I already have so many clothes aap takaluf maat kiya kijiye :)"
Hareem I think you should get your message across ina way that won't hurt her or cause any conflict. If you do not wish to accept any presents from her you can simply say something along this line " Thank you so much but I already have so many clothes aap takaluf maat kiya kijiye :)"
yes i want to refuse politely...thank you for your nice advice....
Might be better for you to tell your MIL not to buy you anything this year, because you end up not liking what she buys for you, and not wearing it. Or you can tell her what to buy for you.
Isn't your MIL's family also your family? At least she buys you something...so she cannot be that bad. Sometimes its just a perception that the other person is getting better stuff than you. Are the items that she buys for you cheaper than the ones she buys for others? Maybe she just thinks that certain clothes would suit you, and maybe her judgement and yours aren't the same.
Quality is a matter of taste. If she is spending the same amount of money, then she is treating everyone equally although her judgement about what may suit you or what you may like may be wrong. So you just need to tell her. If she is buying you cheaper items than her daughters than maybe you have a point, in which case it is best to tell her in advance not to buy you something rather than to refuse after the items have been purchased. Or you can ask her to just buy you same thing as she buys for your SILs.
i don't know what your general relationship is like with your MIL but i have seen people do this in the hope of creating some drama.
if you know what she is giving you poor quality and not the same as what she buys her own daughters, than obviously she knows what she's doing too. i know you feel bad that you don't wear them and just give them away but you've accepted them and not given her a chance to say that she bought you such and such a thing and you threw it back in her face (because no matter how nicely you say, it can be twisted). erm.. i could be extrapolating too much here, as i said i don't know how she treats you otherwise. but if this could be the case then i would just carry on doing what you are doing.
otherwise, i'm assuming your relationship with her isn't frank enough to polity ask her to bring you the kind of stuff she gets her daughters? as arshad said it might be a case of poor judgement. if not, i also agree with requesting her not to get you anything before she goes, rather than refusing after.
I don't want to hurt her or make her feel bad by returning the gifts but at the same time I don't wanna feel annoyed and bad about her by getting ghattiya gifts.
She doesn't ask me if I want some thing so it would be silly to tell her " I don't want anything from you " and it sounds rude as well.
May be I should carry on doing what I'm doing which is to recieve the gift from her nicely, don't like it and throw it away and feel about it.
well sometimes we have to subdue our own feelings to keep the peace. on small matters like this, i think it's worth it. at the end of the day, you know what to expect so just try not to get annoyed and sad about it. i know how you feel because i have a relative who does exactly the same, i know it must be harder when it's your MIL though.
Keep the original approach as you have been , that is the best approach , and a very beautiful approach. The one where you accept the gift with a smile and give it to charity. She and you will both be rewarded. Any other approach will result in ruining the relationship you have with her and annoyance from Allah. You are very religious person, how can you behave like us all who care more about this dunia then making Allah happy ?
I like Arshads analysis , it might be just your perception that she is treating you unfairly, even if she is treating you unfairly , what kind of difference it makes to you ? If you bring it up and she can prove that she spends the same amount of money on your clothes and she thought that the clothes she bought for you will be best suited to your personality , then you have ruined a beautiful relationship. What if she never bought anything for you, she has that choice. what would you do in that case ? Sometimes status quo is the best alternative.
SweetMoi, hareem.....that's really quite mean and b*tchy of them to do that.....
hareem, does she ever ask you afterwards where those outfits that seh gave u are? or why ur not wearing them? if not, then i dont think she really cares abt your taste and just gives u crap just so u can't say afterwards that she didnt give u anything...or does she ask you why ur not wearing hte outfit she gave u? i'm assuming its the first case b/c she keeps doing it every time and u keep giving it away and she knows but doesn't care..
anywas i think ur approach is still best, that u keep giving it away, at least someone should benefit from it (not you or ur MIL).
mirch
Astaghfirullah I'm not a very religious person but i try to follow my religion, may Allah protect us all[may be you are being sarcastic and still annoyed at the thread in AV]. Allah knows the matters of the hearts and may be she's completely sincere in this.
I know my mother-in-law is not a bad person and she prays and does lot more ibadah than me, she's also more patient than me, we all are humans not angels and have weaknesses and may Allah give us the strenght to overcome our weaknesses.
Some people are like that , apnay liye bethreeN pasnad kareeN gaie aur dosroN kay liye ghatyaa stuff. Next time buy her a cheap gift and see what happen.
if this is true as you say, ask your husband and you too, buy your Mother in Law very nice gift and say to her, you bought it with love, buy the same thing for your own Mom.
if she is a caring wise woman, your Mother in law will get the point.
My aunt did that to us. OMG you don't understand, the stuff she got was like poop-colored with like big ugly flowers or mustard colored with multi colored dupatas or just the ugliest turquoise, basically the works. My mom wanted to give it to charity but I think they were so ugly that its an insult to give it to poor people. Anyways, so we started saving them and re-gifting it to her and her daughters. The gifts soon stooped all together and we were happy with that. I don't think there is any point in giving gifts when it becomes a hateful act rather than something that makes both people happy.
^ but for some people it's kind of "rasm-o-riwaaj" to give and recive gifts in that wat .
They kind of made it a busniess.I often get to hear from aunties " uss ki beti ki shadi meiN hum nay gold-set diya now it's their turn to give us something made of gold. totally Nonsense.
Hopefully, she’ll get the message?
She should try and treat you the same way she treats her daughters