First off, don't yell at your mom over this. If you know that your dad agrees with you, then continue to talk to him about it, he'll reason with your mom. If you yell at your mom, she'll be more persistent in taking you to the dawats to make sure you learn from the other desi girls.
With that being said... I understand where you're coming from. I've noticed that girls don't really attend dawats lately unless it's a HUGE party or for Eid. The reasons being there isn't anyone around their age, they're busy with school/job, they don't like the other girls, they want to avoid the nosiness/gossip, etc. And if there aren't going to be any girls for you to talk to, then why hang out with the aunties? I'm sure the aunties have long ago noticed that there aren't girls around your own age, they'd understand your reduced appearances. Honestly, I don't think the aunties are dying to entertain you. And usually the girls/"friends" you meet at dawats aren't the close friends you make in life... most of them you'll only see at dawats, will never call or hang out with... so they're not really your friends unless you see or talk to them on a regular basis.
Just try to make an appearance once in a while so people don't think you're living in a hole. And invest in a Nintendo DS.
Also, forget Barbiecue and the lady who wants you to be head-examined. The former thinks shes she bearer of Islamic Stigmata and I think the second has forgotten what it is like to be 14.
**All **mothers and daughters clash. Its difficult, but once you grow up (post 18) the relationship does become easier. Perhaps because you learn how to deal with their particular personality types better?
Before you are an adult though, its statistically safe to assume that she knows best. Not least because she knows what is good for you but also because she can see things a little more objectively. Having said that, she is human - ad humans (even mums) make mistakes. But, as Mothers are those angelic creatures :p , its up to us to compromise.
And going to a party or two/superficially befriending people who you don't like isn't necessarily a bad thing. You can consider it practice for all the other wonderful idiots that you will meet - where getting on with them isnt a choice.
I totally get how annoying the whole thing can be. But someone has to make the mature move. good luck!! :)
Also, forget Barbiecue and the lady who wants you to be head-examined. The former thinks shes she bearer of Islamic Stigmata and I think the second has forgotten what it is like to be 14.
hitchki, it is not fun having to deal with issues, not at 14, 24 or 34. It does help though, if you can talk to someone and figure some things out on your own. 14 and all of teen years are very sensitive years of one's life, as you may agree. And having someone's support to talk to and figure those out can only help in the long term, especially if you have those counsellors available without having to pay a dime.
Thats ur mother ur talking about.
**
I'd rather sit with the "annoying desi girls" for a few hours than to fight with my mother over it. **
Read what the Quran says about parents. Even a little "ufff" targeted at parents is a sin. So you can just imagine how much sin u've earned by now, you've gone way beyond the ufff.
Now stop grinding ur teeth over ur parents, go hug ur mother, and tell her exactly how u feel. She is ur mother, she will understand u way better than u think. Just talk to her politely and with love instead of shouting at her. Put urself in her shoes and place her in yours.
Love it.
Come to think of it, I do sit with annoying girls at dawats my mum drags me to, or do stuff that my mum says but at the end of the day she is me mum and I luv her. We have our ups and downs, I also think omg MUM! uffff but then the truth is I can't live without her. You don't realise how important a mother is for you. Ask someone who lost their mother or god forbid grew up without one, how they feel.
hitchki, it is not fun having to deal with issues, not at 14, 24 or 34. It does help though, if you can talk to someone and figure some things out on your own. 14 and all of teen years are very sensitive years of one's life, as you may agree. And having someone's support to talk to and figure those out can only help in the long term, especially if you have those counsellors available without having to pay a dime.
I just fear about the culture of counselling and how much its needed in this situation.. That is my only qualm with this advice. Otherwise, I agree.
Ahem, hope the original poster would have calmed down and not be jazbati and inhibit hatred towards her mother any longer. Emotions sometimes drive people mad.
Say you have homework and you can't go. If that doesn't work and you must go, try to get entertained. Try to find the humor in how silly those girls are, especially when they dance. Make them do stupid stuff, compliment them for being silly and have a blast in your head.
I know it sounds evil but hey you gotta spend your time somehow, other than thinking about how much it sucks to be there.
I'd rather sit with the "annoying desi girls" for a few hours than to fight with my mother over it.
*Read what the Quran says about parents. Even a little "ufff" targeted at parents is a sin. So you can just imagine how much sin u've earned by now, you've gone way beyond the ufff. *
Now stop grinding ur teeth over ur parents, go hug ur mother, and tell her exactly how u feel. She is ur mother, she will understand u way better than u think. Just talk to her politely and with love instead of shouting at her. Put urself in her shoes and place her in yours.
Your exactly right. This is a wonderful post! THere are many parents right now that do awful things to their parents like sell them to prostition, abuse the heck out of them or even do away with them...you should be grateful for the mom you have.
^ thanks but i would still like to apologise for the horrific message that my post contained, i hope everyone can forgive me for the damage i caused and we can all move on with our lives.
no wonder!