IF your MIL wanted to buy you the cheapest gold set, would you mind?

[aliyahali]

Re: IF your MIL wanted to buy you the cheapest gold set, would you mind?

My mum bought my SIL more gold than her own mother did, and their family is more loaded than we are. About 3/4 of her outfits were chosen by her sister (as SIL had exams), the other 1/4 were outfits that mum had picked up in the UK cos she'd liked them - and yet my sister-in-law is still a b*tch.

Material things are not important.

People say that everyone in the in-laws should make an effort as their bringing you in the family - which they should!

But being the newcomer in to a household that already has an established routine and relationships that have settled for years before, the girl should also try and be accomodating.

If you give love, then there's no reason why you won't get it.

As for the girls who are saying that the DIL should be treated like a daughter, get the same gifts as the daughters - you're right, they should, but then the DIL should treat the in-laws as her parents/family. You can't switch between being a daughter and a DIL when it suits you.

Its funny how when a girls own parents irritate the hell out of her, she'll get annoyed, but an hour later she'll forgive them, and most of the time she won't even bother to have a moan to her husband. Yet when her parents-in-law irritate her, she'll get annoyed, but a week later she'll still be annoyed/holding a grudge and have moaned to her husband countless times about how insensitive his parents are.

Apologies for the lecture, but I'm sick of nasty DIL!!

[mahismart]

Re: IF your MIL wanted to buy you the cheapest gold set, would you mind?

MILs and DILs are supposed to be all this and more. You can't change their minds. I know someone who was presented with a lot of halka looking gold sets on the day of wedding. She just smiled and wore them many times after her marriage. When she made a careful comment regarding the weight of the sets, the husband was livid and reminded her that MIL bought everything with great love. So, the lady is still wearing those and has learned to be happy with whatever she has got.

Another lady I know did not get even 5 tola ka set on her wedding but is so lovingly cared for by her inlaws and hubby that she never misses the gold she was never given. So, IMHO, tolas, carats, outfits don't matter at all.

[Aleeza24]

[quote="aliyahali, post:5584, topic:196156"]

My mum bought my SIL more gold than her own mother did, and their family is more loaded than we are. About 3/4 of her outfits were chosen by her sister (as SIL had exams), the other 1/4 were outfits that mum had picked up in the UK cos she'd liked them - and yet my sister-in-law is still a b*tch.

wat did your SIL did......let me knw so that after marrige i wont be like her

[aminas]

Re: IF your MIL wanted to buy you the cheapest gold set, would you mind?

Whats going to be your next thread ? Wht if your mother in law dnt give you a separate room or what if your room doesnt have an attached bathroom ?

[Desi_BeauTii]

well nadz, in the other hand... hope u are taking a lot of jehaz with you to your inlaws.

Do people still do jehaz????

[prototype]

Re: IF your MIL wanted to buy you the cheapest gold set, would you mind?

aminas:

[Shami_Kabab]

@nadz123

SAY, she and another aunty go out shopping, and are looking to buy you zever, and she wants to get you 5 tola…which is nothing, and the shops there even said that 5 tola is nothing, so in the end she ends up buying a 13 tola set…( with ppersuasion i think, not sure

not sure if this is a stingy habit or that maybe shes not fond of her DIL TO BE…either way what would you reaction be if you found out and would you ignore this feeling…

its a horrible sinking feeling when you realise that at the end of the day shes not ur mother. your mother would buy you the most expensive gold set or a reasonable priced one, and by the way, this MIL is not poor, quite well off indeed…living in pak.

how would you react knowing that your not meant to know this info…

Here you go , most girls start whining and bashing against a MIL after their wedding you topped them all by starting it before marriage. You will go places girl.

[Shami_Kabab]

@aminas

Whats going to be your next thread ? Wht if your mother in law dnt give you a separate room or what if your room doesnt have an attached bathroom ?

[shaz12]

Re: IF your MIL wanted to buy you the cheapest gold set, would you mind?

i agree material things are not important!!!

[dildirani]

wat is humangas rani haar....can someone post pics.........i never heard of it

I think she means a humongous

[MARRIED_NY]

if she took her to shopping than didnt she ask her Daugter in law that do you like this or ask her to chose for herself..........if she didnt ask than whats the use of taking her.......

jee sweet girl thats the point,kai fayida kia layjanay ka..mayree daughter ko delecate chahy tha,,tons of gold nahee,,mil anf fil r leaving for pakistan today,for wedding shopping,,she said kai jub mai nay aik set ko point kia (thats was not that bhara huwa) .mil said kai nahee yeh tou bohat halka hai,,khair kuch keh nahee saktay,il told my daughter kai jin maiun ki khushi hai kernay dou,,app mayree taraf say apnee marzee ka bana layin sets,,she is getting married in sep INSHALLAH,,

[Sara516]

Re: IF your MIL wanted to buy you the cheapest gold set, would you mind?

^ chalo now u know what not to do as a saas ;)

[pyaare]

oh nadz, another dilemma..it is hard when you are marrying a cousin, there seems to be alot of competition and MIL's love to keep the cost down but also love to brag about what they have done for their DIL.

my mum brought me big sets when i got married and everyone told me how my MIL was being really tight with my gold etc, but u know what when it came down to the everyday practical life, i wore my MIL sets a lot..they were small and looked nice, i didn't wanna wear bulky sets
and Nadz how much are you actually gonna wear these sets??

My MIL got chorian made for me and kept going on about how they were 6 tolas or sum thing like that, a few years into marriage my mum went 2 pak and i told her to exchange my bangles for something trendier looking, when my mum went to the jeweler he said that they hardly weighed anything, i think they were under 4 tolas and more gold needed for teh design my mum liked....i mentioned to my MIL that i had given my mum the bangles to get them changed, she immediately went to my parents house to get them from my mum, but by this time my mum had already been to the jewelers, my MIL told my mum to take her with her when she went to collect the bangles, when they did the jeweller kept complaining about how little gold he had to work with, MIL was embarrassed and came home and swore at the jeweler b'cos apparently he doesn't know how 2 weigh gold...lol. my poor hubby copped it later though, he was given a long lecture about how the bangles should have been sent to her and that i had no right to give them to my mum...as the truth was out

anyways i'm not fussed about gold and rarely wear it, but i can't stand the whole advertising that we brough this much gold and what not....we have to pay the Zakat....and the less you have the better, i think mums and MIL's should pay Zakat on the gold which they forced on us :)

[MARRIED_NY]

oh nadz, another dilemma..it is hard when you are marrying a cousin, there seems to be alot of competition and MIL's love to keep the cost down but also love to brag about what they have done for their DIL.

my mum brought me big sets when i got married and everyone told me how my MIL was being really tight with my gold etc, but u know what when it came down to the everyday practical life, i wore my MIL sets a lot..they were small and looked nice, i didn't wanna wear bulky sets and Nadz how much are you actually gonna wear these sets??

My MIL got chorian made for me and kept going on about how they were 6 tolas or sum thing like that, a few years into marriage my mum went 2 pak and i told her to exchange my bangles for something trendier looking, when my mum went to the jeweler he said that they hardly weighed anything, i think they were under 4 tolas and more gold needed for teh design my mum liked....i mentioned to my MIL that i had given my mum the bangles to get them changed, she immediately went to my parents house to get them from my mum, but by this time my mum had already been to the jewelers, my MIL told my mum to take her with her when she went to collect the bangles, when they did the jeweller kept complaining about how little gold he had to work with, MIL was embarrassed and came home and swore at the jeweler b'cos apparently he doesn't know how 2 weigh gold...lol. my poor hubby copped it later though, he was given a long lecture about how the bangles should have been sent to her and that i had no right to give them to my mum...as the truth was out

anyways i'm not fussed about gold and rarely wear it, but i can't stand the whole advertising that we brough this much gold and what not....we have to pay the Zakat....and the less you have the better, i think mums and MIL's should pay Zakat on the gold which they forced on us :)

right i agree with u kai zakat tou bachoun ko he daynee hotee hai,,like my sister told me kai dont get chorian,cauze daughter's mil got her 12 chorrian nd 2 karay,,insted of chorian ill get her bracelet,,what do u think,,?

sara ,,iknow :) and My sil IS MASHALLA heera..ALLAH agaey bhe acha rakhay ameen

[Niksik]

@nadz123

SAY, she and another aunty go out shopping, and are looking to buy you zever, and she wants to get you 5 tola.....which is nothing, and the shops there even said that 5 tola is nothing, so in the end she ends up buying a 13 tola set...( with ppersuasion i think, not sure

not sure if this is a stingy habit or that maybe shes not fond of her DIL TO BE...either way what would you reaction be if you found out and would you ignore this feeling....

its a horrible sinking feeling when you realise that at the end of the day shes not ur mother. your mother would buy you the most expensive gold set or a reasonable priced one, and by the way, this MIL is not poor, quite well off indeed.....living in pak.

how would you react knowing that your not meant to know this info....

I wouldn't really care. I will thank her for what she gave me regardless of its value. Really, the only person I ever expect anything from is my husband. And that also I am not obsessed with. But I can demand or fuss with him for sure, not with anyone one else.

[Maham]

@redvelvet

Nadzz, I'm not an expert on gold. But I will say that i have seen people buy gold that is more valuable (as far as carrats and tolas are concerned)............but in the MOST UGLIEST DESIGN! So, that's something to consider as well. Quantity over Quality?.....or.......Quality over Quantity?

Also, I'm learning that it's better to believe in comments that you have heard yourself with your own ears. Believe it or not........even family members can distort stories. You weren't there with your MIL so you don't know what happened.

And also, these are tough times. Look at the strained global economy which is bad enough for people living in the west.......but it's worse for those living in third world countries like Pakistan. And a poor economy is tough for everyone...the poor....the middle class....and even the wealthy. Perhaps they're struggling financially and trying to do their best. And you might argue that they are not struggling. And that might be true. But very few people like to admit that they are having money troubles.

Or your MIL could simply be clueless about gold and tolas. Like me, for exmaple. My parents are both fond of gold jewelry....and have an interest in it....and I like it as well........but I'm clueless about tolas. One can drive a car and be clueless aboutt he various internal parts of the car. Know what I mean?

Bottom line: You're marrying your cousin not your MIL. And he loves you and will inshAllah be supportive of you. Your MIL did eventually buy you a 13 tola set. You werent there with her during the shopping proess so don't listen to gossip.

Idea: If you're that worried about it. Be a bit sly. Have your mom ask about the jewelry and nicely hint about the tolas. It would hard for his mom to ignore your mom's comments.

Wow, thats an impressive post. My very first reaction after reading the topic was totally opp to it...dont blame me i am an emotional, sensitive freak :P but ya what you said makes alot of sense. More power to girls like you. I'm really impressed guys with the replies some of you have given.

[Maham]

Re: IF your MIL wanted to buy you the cheapest gold set, would you mind?

Also, i should add that dont compare that oh so n so got their wedding set worth 25 karats so y i am getting less. Because the gold prices have gone really up plus it depends on the making too. I would prefer a nice, aesthetically made set to something that is double of it in weight but looks trashy. So think positive :).

[MARRIED_NY]

yea thats right.........even my mother in law is going to make the big lariyon wala necklace and i hate that so much but mom said dont say anything and when you get married than you can change it your self.......actually my MIL law get similar lariyon wala har for my 3 jeetanis and she said she will get me similar so no choice......but the point is, i dont like those kind of jewellery and you just wear it on wedding day and after that maybe on dawat and than when i move to usa than i cant wear it there but what to say......MIL ko bhi khush rakhna parta hai...

sweet g hum tou hain he usa ,mai,,:) per yeh baat sahee hai kai na chahtay huwey bhee kerna perta haiyeh suubb

[PygmyPuff]

Re: IF your MIL wanted to buy you the cheapest gold set, would you mind?

maham u r absolutely right.......................

[midnighteyes]

Re: IF your MIL wanted to buy you the cheapest gold set, would you mind?

I dont think I would really care too much about it