…hypothetically speaking, let’s say you have a daughter/son who’s above the age of 18 so technically an adult. Say that he/she told you one day that s/he wanted to convert to another religion, what would be your response? Would you continue your relationship with your child or would you say, Fine that’s your choice just never show your face again in this house.
Just curious.
First of all I would pray for him/her because there is nothing more powerful than a prayer.
^ Agreed.
Let's say, that subsequent to praying, the child is still adamant upon what s/he stated earlier. What would be your response?
i'm just curious as to what types of different manners people would respond. i know some Muslim reverts, raised as Catholics, whose families disowned them subsequent to their reverting to Islam. Well, one lady i heard of - she was raised as a Catholic. Her mother stopped talking to her when she told her she was reverting to Islam; her father on the other hand is a bit more understanding about it and even asked her questions about Islam (that's something positive because at least he was trying to educate himself about it). So i'm wondering if the tables were reversed, how would Muslim families feel about their children 'officially' leaving the path of Islam?
It’s hard to give an honest answer because I don’t have kids yet, but if they did I would first pray for them and if they persist then I’ll just tell them to get lost…
My own child? At first I'd be frustrated, perplexed and furious with a dozen emotions at that same time. I'd try to reason with him/her by telling him/her to find what they want and along side s/he should study the Quran. In the end if they are adamant, then I've done my duty as a parent. The rest is left in His hands.
Dhulfiqar, Thanks for the honest answer, all i'm looking for.
CocoNut, Would you keep your relationship with your child? Would you still have her/him visit you, keep up the rishta in other words? Or would you be resigned and angry, and say - never show your face again in this house? Just curious, no particular reason for asking. Just wondering how hard it must be for those Muslim reverts who face all of the above, in some (not all) cases where their families disown them (literally) for accepting Islam in their hearts. If the tables were turned, how would we behave if our children did the same ?
Me - i think i'd have a very hard time trying to keep the relationship going. But i honestly don't know how i'd react, it's different when you're in the situation itself.
S/he wants to convert thats his/her business. One can only guide, as adults its their choice. There is no compulsion in religion.
I dont think I could despise or completely shut out my own family member. I would continue to be supportive in trying to bring them back to islam. The relationship would be more like a friend, not a family member anymore. We in the west are still friends with non-muslims anyway.
first thing I will do is beat the crap out of him/her and when they are half dead I will ask him/her if he/she still wanted to convert. If they persist than finish the job.....Seriously, it reflects a failure on the part of the parents. If you dont take the responsibility to raise your child with proper awareness and islamic education than this can happen.
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Originally posted by Kashmirimunda: *
**Seriously, it reflects a failure on the part of the parents.*
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i agree.
You weren't serious about the i'll-beat-the-crap-out-of-them-part, were you? Because, if your quoted statement above is accurate (as i believe it is), then the parents should beat the crap out of themselves so to speak. It's the parents' fault, not the child's. Although, that may not always be true one hundred percent of the time. Reminds me of that saying, how does it go - wali kai ghaR mai shaitaan paida hua?
Strongman, yeah i think the relationship would be more like a friend's (personally for me). Good point.
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Originally posted by Nadia_H: *
CocoNut, Would you keep your relationship with your child? Would you still have her/him visit you, keep up the rishta in other words? Or would you be resigned and angry, and say - never show your face again in this house? Just curious, no particular reason for asking. Just wondering how hard it must be for those Muslim reverts who face all of the above, in some (not all) cases where their families disown them (literally) for accepting Islam in their hearts. If the tables were turned, how would **we* behave if our children did the same ?
Me - i think i'd have a very hard time trying to keep the relationship going. But i honestly don't know how i'd react, it's different when you're in the situation itself.
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Its not the failure of the parents that a child becomes a druggie or a drunkard when they've done all they can. Same way its not the failure of the parents that they couldn't make the child think they want him/her to since the child has his/her own individual thoughts and questioning.
Ofcourse I would be disappointed but in the end its not my decision to force a religion upon them what they don't like or can't conform to. I leave that unto His mercy and His judgement.
I would keep a relationship with my child, and try to make it work that no matter what I will be their father and be there for them. Its not about religion to me in the end, its about showing an example to my child that this is what Islam is, humanitarian religion not some facist dictation. I would be resigned and angry at what my child does i.e. drink, sleep around etc. etc. My child will live with me under my house rules and respect them as I respect his/her decision and faith. S/he is my child and I love them to death, I did not raise them to kick them out on the streets and be a victim of what lies out there.
its such a tricky question Nadia. And i tried to come up with a solid answer for that. But after being unsuccessful i gave up. God Forbid if there is a situation like that in future, i dont know how changed my personality would be so cant say how will i react...
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*Originally posted by Dhulfiqar: *
It’s hard to give an honest answer because I don’t have kids yet, but if they did I would first pray for them and if they persist then I’ll just tell them to get lost…
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why wouldn't you kill him/her?
For myself, I agree with Coconut with what he said above.
Nadiah_H, no I was not serious about "beating the crap out of them." It is the sole responsibility of the parents to teach, show and impart the religious and Islamic values to their kids. If they fail, they are the ones who should be blamed. If the kid goes astary at 18 or whatever is the adult age according to Islam...they are responsible for their actions.
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*Originally posted by Changez_like: *
why wouldn't you kill him/her?
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lol, why did I know that was coming?
If we are in a non-Muslim country then I’ll let them go (because I don’t think Islamic law applies in a non-Muslim land) but if it’s a Shariah ruled country then they will be handed over to the authorities and I’ll let them deal with him or her Islamically.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by CocoNut: *
Its not the failure of the parents that a child becomes a druggie or a drunkard when they've done all they can. Same way its not the failure of the parents that they couldn't make the child think they want him/her to since the child has his/her own individual thoughts and questioning.
Ofcourse I would be disappointed but in the end its not my decision to force a religion upon them what they don't like or can't conform to. I leave that unto His mercy and His judgement.
I would keep a relationship with my child, and try to make it work that no matter what I will be their father and be there for them. Its not about religion to me in the end, its about showing an example to my child that this is what Islam is, humanitarian religion not some facist dictation. I would be resigned and angry at what my child does i.e. drink, sleep around etc. etc. My child will live with me under my house rules and respect them as I respect his/her decision and faith. S/he is my child and I love them to death, I did not raise them to kick them out on the streets and be a victim of what lies out there.
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I second it coco, sounds logical and reasonable.
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*Originally posted by Changez_like: *
why wouldn't you kill him/her?
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abu bakar (ra) was faced with fighting his own son in the battle of badar....
so i guess this isnt a no-no....
yes, kicking him/her out of the house and cutting of the relation wud be the best thing....
but thats after u think u've tried everything u cud to bring him/her back to senses....
and dont foget....
Quran 28:56
*verily you guide not whom you love, but Allah guides whom He wills. And He is Best Aware of those who are guided. *
Mr. Armughal,
You wrote:
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abu bakar (ra) was faced with fighting his own son in the battle of badar....
so i guess this isnt a no-no....
[/QUOTE]
There is a little bit of difference when somebody attacks you with an Army (as in Battle of Badar) and somebody changing his religion. These two cases can't be compared with each other.
Never give up. Never give up your family's jihad. Jihad is not just a struggle for the self, but for the umma. I don't see how people can get worked up about anyone else if they can so easily give up on their own kin. If your child converts continue to give them all the love you normally would. Be the example. Find what it was in your own life that may have lead the child to their false conclusion and correct it according to the Book. But never give up. Yes, it is their life and they may choose what they wish, but never give up.