If you won't look, you won't find the one.

[Contrarian]

Re: If you won't look, you won't find the one.

I've always found in some things the less we desperately go and try to seek out the more they won't happen.

So act more desperate girls!

[Puchi_Kuchi]

Re: If you won't look, you won't find the one.

sometimes it's better to be your natural true self, don't try too hard to be perfect/izzatdaar/give a damn what people think etc! Just be your wholesome natural self....it comes across much better that trying too hard not to be over friendly, overthinking every word, every facial expression etc, if you wanna smile heck smile....seriously it shows confidence and you will attract more friends...

[Shak]

Re: If you won’t look, you won’t find the one.

@Contrarian

So act more desperate girls!

Oops, a typo

I fixed it

[Paheli00]

Re: If you won’t look, you won’t find the one.

@Ashy2010

@inspiron, Yes, I think we need to stop thinking that guys would be judging us that we are talking to them just because we want them to like us and to marry us immediately.

We need to be our usual self to everyone. If anyone approaches us, good. Be friendly to them. It will not give him an idea that we are so desperate to get married that we want them to send our rishta the next day. Talking things camly and slowly will get us a good friend which might turn out to be our spouse if it was meant to be.

:k:

[Contrarian]

Re: If you won’t look, you won’t find the one.

@Shak09

Oops, a typo

I fixed it

Too late, I have already followed your advice!

[Xtron]

Re: If you won't look, you won't find the one.

Xtron - I think when pakistani girls show 'attitude' SOMETIMES they are infact trying not to be too I dnno 'forward'?

Its what happens to me and when i make my 'im busy face'. Its not that I think I am too good, its like. Ok dont go for his advances and maintain your izzat.

I think what I have learnt is not everything is black and white.

A guy is not always trying to take advantage of you and as girls we can approach guys and be nice and friendly without looking 'bad' or coming across as despo.

While i agree that there is bit of sharm and haya..which is perfectly fine. But..say if i were asking striking conversation about your profession, or complementing the way ya're dressed, or say..where you are from and your basic background. I am sure ya can go with a flow. Also..if he asks you out..then i say go as long as..yaa think he is decent enough to catch ya're attention. Actually wanted to say..what i really like in women is someone who is confident and easy to be mingle with. Coz there has been instances when i took the initiative to ask woman for coffee or have dinner..this doesn't mean i want to marry her or may like her in that way. Rather..it could be..i enjoy her company so may be there is some degree of chance in the future. In other words..what ashy said.

[Summerbr]

Re: If you won't look, you won't find the one.

@ Paheli - Agree with everything you've been saying. And yes - important not to come across as desperate as that's not a good look for anyone. lol

@ SK - Of course culture and social norms would have to be taken into consideration. The way I behave where I live is not how I act when I go to visit Pakistan.

@ Inspiron - Rejection is a hard thing to swallow for everyone. If someone is not interested in you, the way I see it, it shouldn't be an ego issue - the two of you are not compatible and it elimiates another person you know is not for you and you move on. It's not like you have an emotional investment in an interation as soon as meet someone for the first time. I mean guys approach girls all the time and get shot down, it takes guts so kudos to those who try. You take your chances and see what happens right? Is it for everyone? No.

[ShahreyarKhan]

Re: If you won't look, you won't find the one.

I get what you are saying, but I don't see the point you are trying to make?

@ Paheli - Agree with everything you've been saying. And yes - important not to come across as desperate as that's not a good look for anyone. lol

@ SK - Of course culture and social norms would have to be taken into consideration. The way I behave where I live is not how I act when I go to visit Pakistan.

[Summerbr]

Re: If you won't look, you won't find the one.

part A

part B

to answer your post, i do have friendly conversation with women in my workplace meaning hi hello how are you and NOT hey nice dress

the social setup i have/live in women do not come up to me to introduce just to have a conversation. i do not go to clubs, bars, etc. if it is something to do with profession then the conversation is strictly profession, not 'lets have lunch one day'

see you have mixed so many different things

anyway to summarize: profession conversations are different, while social conversations are different - this needs to be clear - there are girls who are professionals and can carry out such conversations but are conservative in social situations/gatherings

SK - I was referring to what you were saying about your social set up. That social set up does not exist everywhere else in the world and only applies to where you are located.

Where I live - both my female and male co-workers may remarks such as "nice dress" or "nice dress - you're looking good today" or "nice dress - any plans after work today?". And I do the same also.

To those I am friendly with I will say "Let's have coffee / lunch one of these days". The include co workers and senior managers where sometimes I meet them for purely professional reasons but the interaction is very social.

I would - I believe there is no need to get friendly with na-mehram. "getting to know you" for honest intentions and marriage purposes is different and does not require months and years of interaction.

this modern concept of husbands having girl-friends and wives having guy-friends is completely ridiculous and inappropriate imo

so to answer ur question, yes i would

Where I lives it's normal to men to have female friends and for women to have male friends.

[ShahreyarKhan]

Re: If you won't look, you won't find the one.

no no no you understood it out of context

SK - I was referring to what you were saying about your social set up. That social set up does not exist everywhere else in the world and only applies to where you are located.

Where I live - both my female and male co-workers may remarks such as "nice dress" or "nice dress - you're looking good today" or "nice dress - any plans after work today?". And I do the same also.

To those I am friendly with I will say "Let's have coffee / lunch one of these days". The include co workers and senior managers where sometimes I meet them for purely professional reasons but the interaction is very social.

[Summerbr]

Re: If you won't look, you won't find the one.

I thought you said that you would give more "izzat" to someone who would not have a conversation with a non mehram (when you were answering Paheli's question). I don't know any guys that feel the same way, including my brother and father. I mean I know there are very conservative ppl around who have very strict rules about religion and refer to every woman as "sister" but I don't work with or socially know anyone like that and these ppl are few and far between.

But perhaps I did misunderstand you?

[rosedreams]

Re: If you won't look, you won't find the one.

I feel an ideal situaton would be - you make friends with someone and then you end up liking eachother and then you get married.

perfect!

[soconfused]

Re: If you won't look, you won't find the one.

I think with the "attitude" for my friends and I at least, it isn't so much that we're playing 'hard to get' as it is that we're just...nervous. And I guess it translates wrong?

[maait]

Re: If you won't look, you won't find the one.

What I get from this thread is girls are extremely self-conscious when it comes to finding spouses. Maybe its becoz they think too much about it all the time?

[Hulahoop_Queen]

Re: If you won't look, you won't find the one.

@maait

What I get from this thread is girls are extremely self-conscious when it comes to finding spouses. Maybe its becoz they think too much about it all the time?

i wish i thought ab it earlier...i never did. always believed in right person, right time idea...

im glad to know im not the only one going through this. funny part is sometimes pl around me assume there must be smtng wrong with me or i did smtng shady and thats why im not married..and im like nothing ever happened in my life along the lines of love, heart breaks or anything like that.

[Sara516]

Re: If you won't look, you won't find the one.

Sup yo!

Never be afraid of initiating conversation yo. I mean what is the worst thing that could happen?. See as a guy this is one thing that actually gets me about Pakistani girls..say if i approach Pakistani girl to talk and have conversation (I am just not talking about flirt) they show attitude. Though our intention is nothing but striking nice conversation and get to know each other. And with Pakistani girls..it seems everything went well in terms of conversation..then they just don't have time to come out. And if I or one of my friends invite them for group dinner or so..very very few Pakistani women show up. And it is all decent event. None of us drink or bunch of players. Our sole purpose is to expand our social circle and get to know each other for networking as well. We make it very clear but it seems some Pakistani women do not want to show up.

Maybe they want to come out, but can't becasue of family restrictions? I know many women, educated, work, etc, they still have curfews or going out at night isn't normal/allowed in their families....Just wanted to point that out...

Its not like i called back and said i wana marry you..... Point is that the cold behavior to a non mehram didn't make her image bad.

But cold behavior in a family setting is totally different from cold behavior in a non-family setting...I think paheli or someone mentioned that as well...

I consider myself friendly but I would just only say salam to my dad's friends/their sons/etc and I wouldn't speak to them the way I would speak to, say, a coworker or classmate

[Sara516]

Re: If you won’t look, you won’t find the one.

Honestly, I can’t help but read these threads and compare the whole “finding a dude” thing to finding a job… :hinna:

[psyah]

Re: If you won’t look, you won’t find the one.

Peace All

This is the first time I have come to this thread … I’ve read some responses, so I’m sorry if someone has already given the advice I’m gonna now give … Main point is that those girls who find it difficult to make themselves look interested to possible rishtey - you don’t have to change, but merely change the format.

Most success stories revolve around “the man” making the move … However, those are the lucky ones I guess … If you want to strategically improve your chances you need to find and latch on to someone who for arguments sake we will call - “a facilitator” … Partyslims did mention something like this earlier …

Facilitation
A facilitator will be a person who the “seeker” is a confidant with … together seeker and facilitator need to be on par and have their game plan fully worked out. The facilitator should not be someone who herself is looking for a rishta unless the tastes in men is so obviously different. Otherwise you may get conflict of interest … literally.

Anyway, you need to develop a language so only you and facilitator can understand … sitting two girls at a table talking to a man makes it easier … now the facilitator will be acting like “baaji” who will drop a few statements of praise for both people but not too much so the man thinks she is interested in him, but rather gets the idea that she is promoting him to her and her to him … But only if the “seeker” has indicated her genuine interest to pursue that “potential rishta” …

Make a game plan …
“Seeker” may leave the table so facilitator can drop a few secrets about her to the “man” or if “seeker” wishes and feels up to the challenge, get’s “facilitator” to leave so “seeker” can clinch the deal … Alternatively play it slow and both together can re-arrange another meet up without even exchanging details by saying “we’ll be here Tuesday same time, it will be good to see you again” then leave …

The facilitator needs to be sharp enough to gauge the man’s interest on behalf of the seeker and drop clues to him so he realises the interest of the seeker …

Creating a Rapport
Seeker or Facilitator needs to find and look for points of interest in the man that would get him going a bit … a random change of topic about a film or an event that you intend to go to in the near future is always good … Facilitator gradually needs to be less praising of the man and start sitting back while the other two “get on with their convos” … Eventually the idea is to create a natural arrangement where the two seeker and man can talk freely within moral limits to take it to the next stage …

GOOD LUCK SEEKERS … !!!

[ZareenKhan]

Re: If you won’t look, you won’t find the one.

^ hmm this looks interesting, fariq time pe paru gi .

But i had like to add one thing, i am a stern believe that whoever is looking to settle down should be doing so actively and not depending on anyone else even the rishte walas. Because even with them you have to remind them like everyday and go thru the options and select and choose carefuly. However, at the end of the day nobody can guarantee any results for you, not even you. I believe its all kismet which decides what kind of partner you get and when you get them. But if you do your work diligently, you know you won’t blame your laziness for things getting delayed.

[rosedreams]

Re: If you won't look, you won't find the one.

im letting kismet play its game and allowing the khalas and mom to search. still hv some time before i complete my degree too... Allah sab ka naseeb acha karein.