So three years ago, I was ranting to my friend (who passed away, May God give her a place in Jannah) that sometimes I feel terrible because I never ever had any guy who liked me a lot or who I liked a lot. I have had crushes, teenage crushes, Ive had guys show interest in me through other people. So she told me that if I won’t look, I won’t find anyone. She also said it’s because I don’t give anyone a chance (whatever that meant).
So anyways, point here is that my parents are wanting me to get married and they want ME to find someone. Now the problem is that I just cannot find or approach people. All I do is work, study, work, study, chill at home, and hang out with very close friends. I do have guys who would approach me, show interest, and then just disappear (and according to my friends, it’s because I come across as having no interest). Truth is I keep a distance because I feel ‘clingy’ when I initiate conversations with someone, so I just keep away. I would ALWAYS ALWAYS reply to people’s messages etc. but only when they initiate conversations.
So yes, I need tips how to go about this. I am not an introvert btw. I am a bit socially awkward at first though, also can come across a bit intimidating to others. I dont know what to doooo…
ask your close relatives/friends that you need Murgha and they will fix your date with some eligible bachelors. some people look rude by face but if you use nice word and make your gesture more polite, i think aqalmand murgha will not run away from you.
Lol. Same case here. Parents encourage me to find some one on my own but every one who has expressed interest is non-muslim etc and there is no one i really like. (because the Pakistani community here is rather small)
It's up to the parents to find one now... And you know, it IS the parents' responsibility although nowadays we can find a spouse on our own. But i will be too shy or reserved to approach a guy and 'date' him or express interest in a relationship that will end in marriage.
Same problem with me. My parents have asked me to refer the person to them IF he approaches me for marriage.
I am very friendly with guys who are NOT a match for me, like Hindu guys etc whom I know I cannot marry so I automatically become friendly towards them since I know they won't be thinking that I am being clingy to them and I am trying my luck with them. I am not very conscious while talking to them and I don't constantly think what would he be thinking about me.
But whenever I get to see some Pakistani guy (who also happens to be unmarried), I somehow become very reserved. I don't want him to feel that I am currently looking and that I want him to notice me. I become more conscious in protecting my image. Even if they are becoming friendly towards me, I usually hold a NO LIFT sign which would definitely make them think that I have some kind of attitude problem or that I am rude which is not the case.
Thats why, I always thought I only had a chance with arranged marriage.
dude, story of my life. I'm going to use any advice you give. I was just thinking about this the other day when I was having a convo with a friend.
I"m the QUEEN of the friendzone. The ONLY guys that have ever been interested (or told me, at least) were 1) psycho freaks 2) not muslim --usually #1. I'm EXTREMELY social too so I don't get it.
The only feedback I've ever gotten from high school classmates (guys who aren't muslim but we basically grew up together) is that I come across as intimidating because a) I'm really talkative which, because of my pokerface, comes across as confident (BIGGEST JOKE OF MY LIFE) and because I'm fairly sarcastic with my friends, it freaks out the new people (this makes me sad) b) I have a b****-face without realizing it.
Sooo we're on the same pg, buddy! Unapproachable, intimidating, etc. You name it, I've been called it. I don't know how to fix it but I'm making more of a point to...smile and be nice.
So three years ago, I was ranting to my friend (who passed away, May God give her a place in Jannah) that sometimes I feel terrible because I never ever had any guy who liked me a lot or who I liked a lot. I have had crushes, teenage crushes, Ive had guys show interest in me through other people. So she told me that if I won't look, I won't find anyone. She also said it's because I don't give anyone a chance (whatever that meant).
So anyways, point here is that my parents are wanting me to get married and they want ME to find someone. Now the problem is that I just cannot find or approach people. All I do is work, study, work, study, chill at home, and hang out with very close friends. I do have guys who would approach me, show interest, and then just disappear (and according to my friends, it's because I come across as having no interest). Truth is I keep a distance because I feel 'clingy' when I initiate conversations with someone, so I just keep away. I would ALWAYS ALWAYS reply to people's messages etc. but only when they initiate conversations.
So yes, I need tips how to go about this. I am not an introvert btw. I am a bit socially awkward at first though, also can come across a bit intimidating to others. I dont know what to doooo....
So you're saying you're shy?
May be you need to work out how to keep them/him interested in order to get to know him/them? Why don't your parents wanna look for a rishta?
Why would you want to be more friendly and approachable? Infact you can't be 'friendly' when you havn't even met a guy. If someone does not has the confidence to come up and talk to you (if he likes you) then he probably isn't worth it and will undoubtedly fail on the 'Mega GS checklist of potential husbands' so why bother?
This thread tells me that either GS Chat is no more working or not active at all . Last time I remember all the ''self match making'' use to happen over there :D
This is because you probably have an attitude that makes you look like surrounded by a thick wall than cannot be penetrated nor moved so boys have no choice but to move on.
One thing you guys should not do is to change your self just for the sake of finding rishta. Then it wont be a good match unless you are changing for good.
close friends, relatives and mosques/Islamic center are the best place to search.
May be you need to work out how to keep them/him interested in order to get to know him/them? Why don't your parents wanna look for a rishta?
I am not shy at all. I am quite a confident person to be honest. I just choose not to talk a lot at times (b/c I really believe in controlling your tongue and refraining from useless talk).
ahh
girls why not try to lose the attitude then?
be more friendly or approachable etc.
Why are guys more okay with dating outside their religion then girls?
Hi, I can almost swear to you that I have absolutely no attitude, I never did. Guys who know me from highschool and such actually respected me for the fact that I never showed attitude. Like I said, I converse very well and with good manners to whoever talks to me.
Hullahoop - from what I have seen of my friends - the ones who are friendliest/smiliest and more open people get the most approaches. Even though I feel I am equally as sociable and intesteing and can hold a good convo.
They think positive thoughts when a guy approaches/looks over and sends a 'signal' I know with myself I can have days - where I look down, have a poker face, look away or think what a weirdo smiling at me.
I like you decided to smile more agess ago. I think looking happy/friendly (without being annoying obvs) is the key to looking approachable.
I think it's kinda tough for girls to find someone on their own. If you're not too friendly then the guy will think you're not interested, but if you're over friendly then that can work against you as well. I mean you can't just meet someone and say "hey let's see if we are compatible enough to get married" .. I think it's best to get introduced by someone and then both people will know that it's just trying to get to know each other without any pressure. Anyway, it's quite difficult for girls, especially those that don't have a big desi community around them.
So three years ago, I was ranting to my friend (who passed away, May God give her a place in Jannah) that sometimes I feel terrible because I never ever had any guy who liked me a lot or who I liked a lot. I have had crushes, teenage crushes, Ive had guys show interest in me through other people. So she told me that if I won't look, I won't find anyone. She also said it's because I don't give anyone a chance (whatever that meant).
So anyways, point here is that my parents are wanting me to get married and they want ME to find someone. Now the problem is that I just cannot find or approach people. All I do is work, study, work, study, chill at home, and hang out with very close friends. I do have guys who would approach me, show interest, and then just disappear (and according to my friends, it's because I come across as having no interest). Truth is I keep a distance because I feel 'clingy' when I initiate conversations with someone, so I just keep away. I would ALWAYS ALWAYS reply to people's messages etc. but only when they initiate conversations.
So yes, I need tips how to go about this. I am not an introvert btw. I am a bit socially awkward at first though, also can come across a bit intimidating to others. I dont know what to doooo....
Oh girlie, it hits unsettling close to home. My hypothesis: It's all in Canadian water.
