Inspiron - I am a very happy person in general. The only time I am not smiling is when a patient of mine is going through a really tough time :( I am still a rookie at work and do take things to my heart.
Partyslims: Yes, it is quite difficult to balance that, being friendly and coming across as 'clingy'. The problem is that not that guys don't want to approach me, they do but nooone makes the effort to actually get to know me and I am not the kind of person who will just give myself out in one meeting.
This thread tells me that either GS Chat is no more working or not active at all . Last time I remember all the ''self match making'' use to happen over there :D
HAHAH, sorry I was not aware of GS Chat. Honestly dude, if I could get myself to 'like' someone ONLINE, i would be married by now.
One thing you guys should not do is to change your self just for the sake of finding rishta. Then it wont be a good match unless you are changing for good.
close friends, relatives and mosques/Islamic center are the best place to search.
I think along the same lines. Unfortunately, it doesnt work. I think thats the problem, I think its v. imp to just be myself while others I know have found people b/c they could be a little bit more witty or flirty with the guy. I don't have both of those qualities, esp now with guys I hardly know.
Well I suppose its normal to be upset when things go wrong with patients, I can for sure empathize with that!
What do you feel your friend ( may allah grant her a place in heaven) meant when she said she felt you were unapproachable?
She just meant that she has NEVER EVER seen me try to make effort to find someone or appraoch someone. If she was alive, I would ask her what she meant!
I think it's kinda tough for girls to find someone on their own. If you're not too friendly then the guy will think you're not interested, but if you're over friendly then that can work against you as well.
Exactly!! I always wonder how seriously do desi guys take girls who're out there on their own looking for the one? Last time I checked, not many lads hit the social places to look for a voti.
Girls who're saying they're slightly reserved, I honestly think you're better off like that. You can carry a decent conversation without being OTT hyper. Just don't blame yourself if a guy approaches you with the wrong mindset and when he figures you aren't about to let your guard down that easily he gives up and moves onto someone else. If he was serious, he should've actually respected why a muslim girl isn't all over him and is keeping a safe distance.
And after she died and few years passed, I did try but it seems like either guys want me to just be in love with them, automatically, out of no where or they just don't want to make effort to get to know me.
Exactly!! I always wonder how seriously do desi guys take girls who're out there on their own looking for the one? Last time I checked, not many lads hit the social places to look for a voti.
Honestly they do. Most of the guys I knew (back in highschool or uni) mostly all of them married their girl friends.
I know loads of love marriages as well from uni But I also know these really 'played the game' . They werent sneaky or mean- they just knew how to be flirty and sweet on purpose almost? I cant do that!
Actually its not that tough for girls its much harder for guys :P the girls above just limit themselves and are very close minded and think they do no wrong lol.
but it seems like either guys want me to just be in love with them, automatically, out of no where or they just don't want to make effort to get to know me.
Actually its not that tough for girls its much harder for guys :P the girls above just limit themselves and are very close minded and think they do no wrong lol.
You've no idea how hard it is or isn't for others - so really, you ought to keep your constant judgements about others to yourself :)
Here’s my story: I was at Morton’s Steakhouse…waiting on a friend for dinner on a Saturday night. I was waiting for her in the bar area. All of a sudden a desi guy came up to me and started chit chatting (randome q’s about it being busy Saturday night etc.). It was obvious he was flirting…and I could tell he was super nervous. To be honest…I was a bit annoyed but didn’t want to be rude so I continued the polite chatter…besides, since I was waiting for my friend, it’s not like I was busy. Turns out he was there with about 10 other desi guys for a bachelor party dinner…lol (of all things!). After a few minutes…I could notice 2-3 guys signaling that they were ready to leave (their dinner was already over). The nervous guy said he needed to go b/c their car was waiting downstairs…and simply asked “Can I get you number? I’d love to take you to dinner sometime”. I thought he was nice…I was single…so I gave it to him. He called 2 days later and we went to dinner. It continued…and today, 3.5 years later…I’m married to that “nervous guy”. Before I went to that restaurant…or even when I gave him my number…“marriage” didn’t even cross my mind. I was open to the possiblity of meeting someone I would “click” with, and just went with it. I took a chance on a nice guy who approached me politely.
And I know several people who met their spouses just as randomly.
Part of finding a spouse on your own is being open to that possiblity when you meet a nice guy. It’s good to let your friends/family know that you’re “looking” so they can introduce you to anyone they know. But its also good to be open to that possiblity when you’re out on your own. You never know who you might meet when you least expect it.
It’s good that you work/study/chill at home/hang out with close friends. But I think you should also seriously consider expanding your network. Join the gym…take classes on something that interests you…go to professional networking events for the field you’re in. Not only for rishta purposes…but also for purposes of making new friends and for future career possibilities, you should always be out there meeting new people. Whether its your future husband, another person added to your “friends circle”, or future connection for your dream job…you NEVER know who you might meet.
I’m not sure why you think it’s “clingy” to initiate a conversation?! I’m sure you’re ok with initiating conversations at your work and/or school…so why not at a social situation? 2 weeks ago I went to a wedding where the couple met at a local desi professional event…and the girl had approached the guy! I think you’re intelligent/educated enough to realize that going up to a guy at a social event and saying “Hi my name is xyz” is not clingy! And if you’re not ready to even introduce yourself to someone new…when you see a desi guy…all you need to do is make eye contact and smile briefly. And no, not that shy bollywood crap. When you’re on a social setting, be aware of your body language/facial expression. Don’t look bored, annoyed, have a poker face etc. A simple brief eye contact and smile is all it takes to give most people (including guys who may be interested) the confidence to approach you. Don’t analyze the situation too much. When a guy approaches you, just smile and continue a polite/friendly chatter.
I think you know what to do. Since you stated you’re not an introvert…then just go out there and meet new people! There’s nothing else to do other than to set a goal and going after it (ie. the goal isn’t to get a husband…the goal should be to expand your social network, and see what happens). Because if you make new friends (men or women doesn’t matter)…you never know who those people might know.
Before I went to that restaurant…or even when I gave him my number…“marriage” didn’t even cross my mind. I was open to the possiblity of meeting someone I would “click” with, and just went with it. I took a chance on a nice guy who approached me politely.
I’m sure you’re ok with initiating conversations at your work and/or school…so why not at a social situation? 2 weeks ago I went to a wedding where the couple met at a local desi professional event…and the girl had approached the guy! I think you’re intelligent/educated enough to realize that going up to a guy at a social event and saying “Hi my name is xyz” is not clingy! And if you’re not ready to even introduce yourself to someone new…when you see a desi guy…all you need to do is make eye contact and smile briefly. And no, not that shy bollywood crap. When you’re on a social setting, be aware of your body language/facial expression. Don’t look bored, annoyed, have a poker face etc. A simple brief eye contact and smile is all it takes to give most people (including guys who may be interested) the confidence to approach you. Don’t analyze the situation too much. When a guy approaches you, just smile and continue a polite/friendly chatter.