Recently a friend shared his pains about someone he really liked whos getting engaged, and though he had tried he was never really acknowledhed by the other party. And my rather traditional comment was if you really like her, then you would be happy for her and her future. At which point he made the suggestion that it was easy enough for me to suggest that when I was not in his shoes and if I were I would not be so quick to justify, and then he hung up.
Anyway this made me wonder if really I would say that if I were in his shoes and really be happy for the other party? What would you guys do?
Do you think you could actually be happy for the other person?
danggggggggggggggg thats sad something similar happenned to somebody i know pretty well and he never got married afterwards
frankly no i dont think i could be ‘happy for the other person’ and honestly i don’t know if i’d want to be, it sounds so utopian, and also cuz if u really like a person then u think that u r the one who could have made the person happiest…so u r not just mourning ur own loss but their’s as well and also the prospect of a happy united future…
waisay if he really liked her how could he just let go and see her getting married to someone else he shud have tried and tried and tried till she said yes…and seriously, i have this belief that if u really like someone for who they r and it is completely from the heart and the feeling is truly sincere and selfless then how can they not reciprocate…i think its some magic or somfin from Allah swt that He puts in your heart but the conexion just happens…he should have tried harder to woo her and no matter what gone to the shaadi sultan rahi style with his gandasa and been like YE SHAADI NAHEEN HO SAKDIIIIIIIIIII :soldier:
khayr those were just random thoughts i’ve neva been in sucha situation so can’t say…
though imho i do think u shud support him at this time and just agree to whatever he says to make him feel better rather than telling him that he ‘should be feeling happy’ cuz then he’s gonna feel even worse and he can watch ‘dil to pagal hai’ if he wants coz its got a similar story
It has to be a very painful experience for your friend. I truly empathize with him because such sadness can seem worse than physical pain sometimes. I hope he recovers soon from his gloom. Try to be there for him as much as you can as a friend; I’m sure he’ll appreciate that alot.
well doesnt it have to be a two people decision? its like the hunch back of notre dame loving a princess? What if the princess has a prince already whos got all the same qualities but just much better? I realize thats an extreme, but sometimes I feel people fall too much for the effort of getting and not enough into the sustaining part. That is the courtship becomes the focus and not the start.
Also, what if you know the other person is gonna be happier with "someone" else? How can you judge their happiness with yours? Or rather how can you like someone so much yet be so selfish in your needs and desires to satisfy them first?
*Originally posted by irem: * waisay if he really liked her how could he just let go and see her getting married to someone else he shud have tried and tried and tried till she said yes…
stalker behavior innit?
and seriously, i have this belief that if u really like someone for who they r and it is completely from the heart and the feeling is truly sincere and selfless then how can they not reciprocate…
Your belief is wrong, there are many cases of very one sided romances.
**i think its some magic or somfin from Allah swt that He puts in your heart but the conexion just happens **
does it? really? stop watching too many movies
**…he should have tried harder to woo her and no matter what gone to the shaadi sultan rahi style with his gandasa and been like YE SHAADI NAHEEN HO SAKDIIIIIIIIIII :soldier: **
easy to say, but if teh girl likes someone else, and that someone likes her, and some clown shows up saying yeh shaadi naheen ho saktee, the bride and grroms pals and siblings would prolly throw the guy out.
**he can watch ‘dil to pagal hai’ if he wants coz its got a similar story **
Oh so your belief and thoughts noted earier are based on indian movies, figures
as a friend you can offer him your honest opinion, honesty, compassion and support, thats the mix..one wothout the other just dunn cut it.
I have seen too many damn nakaam aashiqs whining and whimpering away for months. And if they know they can just mope and whine and you will just be awwwww poor baby, they will stick to that routine.
He is your friend so I assume he is same age group, and thus should be mature nuff to realize that he should move on. as far as your comment about him being happy for her...dunno makes sense but i can see how seeing her happy make him more aware of his own misery.
ide be crushed too if i were ure friend, its very sad, to b honnest i dont believe such a thing that if u really love someone u can give them up for someone else, think realistically could u bare thhe thought of someone u care so deepply for with someone else? maybe his dreams r completely crushed and its dreams really that make us go on
but hopefully time will heal his heart, if something like this happens the person has to be strong and learn to move on, something similar happened to a friendof mine, and he still doesnt trust girls even though its been almost 2 years
I don’t think it’s selfishness that your friend has deep feelings for this chick even though someone else is able to offer her more than he is in terms of what is important to her. Very sticky situation but I suppose at the end of it all, he has to move on…time is the great healer…as well as caring friends like you…so as Fraudz and I have indicated, please be there for him in his time of need…he is be very grateful, trust me.
the question of religion arise once again if the perpertratitors are muslim then god forbid they have went on step tooooo far, u see i have said it before and i'll say it again we muslims can't have relationships like the westerns because it ain't allowed in isalm when will my fellow asians/muslims realise this and start living a normal life rather than following the west in its demeanur to stray us and lead us into the sinful path.
p.s if the current issue doesn't involve muslims then ignore my post
Originally posted by mirpuri: *
**the question of religion arise once again if the perpertratitors are muslim then god forbid they have went on step tooooo far*
..and where exactly did you pick up the lil factoid that they went a step too far?? i mean your basic premise is based on an if. if they diod this if they did that. if one of them was a cannibal from zanzibar..
so the question of religion does not really arise, you make an assumption to make it arise.
** u see i have said it before and i'll say it again we muslims can't have relationships like the westerns because it ain't allowed in isalm when will my fellow asians/muslims realise this and start living a normal life rather than following the west in its demeanur to stray us and lead us into the sinful path.**
However, no one here is talking about a physical relationship except maybe your own mind. Is liking someone not allowed in religion, and is proposing to someone you like not allowed?
I think we all know the answer of that. Thank you..
there does come a certain point in love when u just want ur beloved to be happy, and then u dont care if u r with him/her....
that happens when ur love for the other person exceeds ur love for ur own self....
I totally agree with Armughal. But the memories remain there. The initial pain when you can't get the person you hold so dear, u like so much yet u dont get him/her is just unbearable.
I think one -sided love is the most heart wrenching thing. It gives one solace when your feelings are being reciprocated and your love being acknowledged by 'that' someone, no matter whether you get that person or not.
I think its very easy to give people advice and act traditionally, however, its only when you experience the same thing that you realize, how much it hurts.
As for if I have been in someone else' shoes :--D , I don't think I really need to be in someones shoes to experience something...
Memories are treasures that no one can steal
Separations are wounds that no one can heal.
when a person loves some1 he wants to give her all the hapiness in the world, cater to her desires , and wants the best for her. but if he wants to b with het that isnt love. that s lust. if she is happy, accept the fact and dont make her life miserable by trying to woo her and convince her to be wid u.
of course the pain and the hollow feeling remains there, afterall we r human.
Ar mughal & Udaas all believing in"higher" love :nono:
Why then chivilrous kniight in the shining armour is so epitomised by the women who wants to be SWEPT AWAY by the hero win against the villain FIGHT all to WIN as prize his beloved as POsession
I am a NOW person,if i get involved i dont want to be the loser .Its same thing as failure & feeling my object of desire is happy is no consideration as long as i am not happy .Thats why i think twice before i like any one in that way .Its my fault if i start it its her fault if she starts it & Both fault if both star simulataneously & one pulls out without concern & selfishness
something similar happenned to somebody i know pretty well and he never got married afterwards 
