If the girl is more forthcoming in the relation?

[AbraCadabra]

Re: If the girl is more forthcoming in the relation?

@amzsonikuri

I had to learn the hard way, I’m engaged but its long distance, he’s living abroad. I send him hand made knitted stuff from me when its winter there and hand written letters. And I do try to call him at least once a day. I only do that so we don’t drift apart and believe its important to keep comminication open.

I did talk to him and asked him if he thought i call too much he said no its fine, i love it when you call call when you want etc. Of course he says that so my feelings don’t get hurt but i don’t get offeneded at all and always ask him if he’s busy or he wants me to call him later. I understand he needs his space. Sometimes I decide to give him space for a few days maybe when he’s with his friends or family or busy and then i call and he gets annoyed at me, asking me why didn’t you call me, i told him i want to give you space. he says I really missed you (reason he doesn’t call is because its quite expensive to call here, and i can call him very cheaply from UK). So i did just that and for the past few days he’s been with his friends somewhere and he’s been ignoring me, i called and he picked up for 2 seconds and he said he couldnt hear me told me to call him later.

His phone was switched off after that. This isn’t the first time this has happened he’s done this before where he doesn’t answer my calls for days. He normally says he has problems at home, i understand it completely, but don’t get mad at me when i decide to give you space.
Myab ei am clingy and i get worried about him i don’t know. its hard when someone you love is far away. I plan not to call him for a few days just to see what he does, plan to occupy myself.** I am not bad looking and funny and interesting, but i think even the most interesting woman can get boring to a man if she’s too available for him. You start being taken for granted because he knows you will always be around to call him when he decides to come back**. I need to start playing hard to get. But i know if i do this, he’ll just go weird on me again and ask me why haven’t i called him blah blah.

You have put it down so well. In my case, I try to be as understanding as i can and not be clingy or needy. Since its a long distance relation, in our engagement period we never talked on phone or skype. It was only chat and that too just 2-3 times a week. I used to feel extremely unwanted and cried through most of this period. I never really understood what went through his mind but with time I taught myself to not be demanding & needy for things and be understanding. Even after days passed, I still kept the best of my mood so the relation doesn’t get effected. But after we had our nikkah, it all got better. I finally raised my concern of lack of time. He is a very private person so mostly keeps to himself but gradually he has opened up and he makes the effort to at least talk to me every day.

I too believe that being readily available for the guy they stop worrying about you because they know you will be there no matter what & that’s when you are taken as granted. I don’t question or vent out with him because I don’t want him to be believing that he is getting in a relation that will be full of drama and worries for him.

I too get worried when he is away but due to the engagement period i have gone so insecure in the relation that even if he is working & i know he is truly busy, i am unable to make myself understand. I keep it to myself but i miss him so much, i am unable to concentrate on anything else and just dont want to do anything else. I am not the stalkerish sort of person but the level of insecurity i have in the relation causes me to act a certain way. I keep running after him & I cant even think of giving a gap myself for days & days or just being away from him by my own will. Its like a fear of losing that usually mothers have for their kid.

Its something I am working on myself but it will take its due time. It took its due time to develop as a fear and will takes its time to get over with as well. I try to keep myself busy as well but nonetheless sometimes things are difficult to cope with either because of his own indifferent attitude or my own availability for him.