Re: If the girl is more forthcoming in the relation?
You have put it down so well. In my case, I try to be as understanding as i can and not be clingy or needy. Since its a long distance relation, in our engagement period we never talked on phone or skype. It was only chat and that too just 2-3 times a week. I used to feel extremely unwanted and cried through most of this period. I never really understood what went through his mind but with time I taught myself to not be demanding & needy for things and be understanding. Even after days passed, I still kept the best of my mood so the relation doesn't get effected. But after we had our nikkah, it all got better. I finally raised my concern of lack of time. He is a very private person so mostly keeps to himself but gradually he has opened up and he makes the effort to at least talk to me every day.
I too believe that being readily available for the guy they stop worrying about you because they know you will be there no matter what & that's when you are taken as granted. I don't question or vent out with him because I don't want him to be believing that he is getting in a relation that will be full of drama and worries for him.
I too get worried when he is away but due to the engagement period i have gone so insecure in the relation that even if he is working & i know he is truly busy, i am unable to make myself understand. I keep it to myself but i miss him so much, i am unable to concentrate on anything else and just dont want to do anything else. I am not the stalkerish sort of person but the level of insecurity i have in the relation causes me to act a certain way. I keep running after him & I cant even think of giving a gap myself for days & days or just being away from him by my own will. Its like a fear of losing that usually mothers have for their kid.
Its something I am working on myself but it will take its due time. It took its due time to develop as a fear and will takes its time to get over with as well. I try to keep myself busy as well but nonetheless sometimes things are difficult to cope with either because of his own indifferent attitude or my own availability for him.
Hey Abra, it's kind of worse for me because I live alone to study, sure i get busy in my class and stuff but then after class i have a habit of calling him and got into a bad habit from there. but that's also because he used to encourage me to do it. He gets worried on me apparently and wants me to call him when im living alone. In the beginning i'll be honest it was due to insecurity because he used to make me jealous on purpose in a teasing sort of way and talk about girls at work. He find it funny but i didn't like it and it really made me not call him because i miss him but call to check up on him lol. We resolved this issue, he doesn't do it anymore and i dont feel that bad. But now its just worry, i just get worried something happens to him becaue he's on the road alot.
It's a lot easier when im travel home to visit my family, i don't call him as much because im preoccupied with them and feel alot more relaxed. But when im stuck in my room all stressed and my imagination goes away with me thats when it happens. I can't go out after class because it gets dark ehre quickly and also the weather is really cold. in the summer its alot better.
Don't feel bad, I've cried plenty of times over this but i really don't like to tell him, sure he might perceive it as emotional blackmail or something. I haven't called him today ive been good so far, just been busy with work but its still very hard. I had to put my other simcard in a really high place so i couldnt reach it to call him and its im too tired to reach it again I recommend you do that the next time you feel you are calling him too much or feel insecure. And anyway I think its a bit like a drug and soon it can become an addiction. You get this nice feeling when you are on the phone to him but when you are off the feeling goes and you feel bad again and you need to keep calling him to get that feeling. It's a reward system in the brain.
I always try to remember this saying -
"It looks silly when a girl chases after a bus, same with a man"
after reading this. begums does so much for the relationship and we dont give a crap?
----> begum