Was being forced to marry by their family…what would you do?
Would you say something? Would you interfere?
Re: If Someone You Knew...
If i have some good terms with the family.....i would try to make them understand......otherwise i will mind my own business......
Re: If Someone You Knew...
How does one get "forced" to marry anyone? Unless there is physical harm, I dont see how one cant get out of that. Am I weird for thinking that? Maybe I can say that knowing my parents would never force me.
Re: If Someone You Knew...
Sometimes there is nothing you can do, at the end of the day if the lass is in her 20's she is adult enough to stand up for herself. I don't believe in helping people who do not help themselves.
Re: If Someone You Knew...
God helps those who help themselves ....
Re: If Someone You Knew...
**How does one get "forced" to marry anyone? Unless there is physical harm, I dont see how one cant get out of that. **Am I weird for thinking that? Maybe I can say that knowing my parents would never force me.
How about emotional torturing?
Re: If Someone You Knew...
Depends on what is the relation b/w me and their family is. If we are at good terms, I'll certainly talk to their family trying to convince them.
Re: If Someone You Knew...
If she had brothers or sisters I would try and get them to help change her parents mind, I'd probably also ask my parents to have a word with them. If the parents still wanted to go ahead and my friend is desperate not to marry him I would contact the forced marriages unit or the police or social services depending on the exact situation (her age, are they threatening her etc)..
Ppl who don't want to get involved, I don't know how they sleep at night..
Re: If Someone You Knew...
How does one get "forced" to marry anyone? Unless there is physical harm, I dont see how one cant get out of that. Am I weird for thinking that? Maybe I can say that knowing my parents would never force me.
Emotional blackmail, mothers saying how will they live with the shame, saying they will have a heart attack, threatening to throw them out (obv worse for girls.. a lot of the ones who are forced to marry haven't been allowed much of a life outside the family anyway so don't have a big support network of friends who can let help them, let her stay at their house etc.).. I've heard of older brothers threatening to beat their sisters up in these situations + sisters saying 'you have to go along with it or you'll break the family up' as well so sometimes pressure from siblings too..
Re: If Someone You Knew...
i dont believe marriages are happening by force now. Either the person gives way or the parents understand. A hird person cannot really influence to change the situation if the main party wouldnt want.
Re: If Someone You Knew...
Was being forced to marry by their family...what would you do?
Would you say something? Would you interfere?
Isn't that what this forum is for? :-p
Re: If Someone You Knew...
Damn, I just went all **** on us.
Why is the word "m e t a" banned? insert scratch head smilie here
Re: If Someone You Knew...
I don't spend time/energy helping people who're not willing to help themselves.
That being said....I would ONLY get involved the the person is in fear for their life. As in they believe that they will be physically harmed/killed if they don't go through the marriage.
But if all they're dealing with is emotional blackmail...then no. After all, if they don't care enough about their own future to stand up against their parents emotional drama....why should I?
Re: If Someone You Knew...
We have a many others things to do besides interfering in some one life
Re: If Someone You Knew...
No, I will not interfere until I have valid reason.
Re: If Someone You Knew...
Emotional blackmail, mothers saying how will they live with the shame, saying they will have a heart attack, threatening to throw them out (obv worse for girls.. a lot of the ones who are forced to marry haven't been allowed much of a life outside the family anyway so don't have a big support network of friends who can let help them, let her stay at their house etc.).. I've heard of older brothers threatening to beat their sisters up in these situations + sisters saying 'you have to go along with it or you'll break the family up' as well so sometimes pressure from siblings too..
If they girl is in the U.S., over the age of 18....then the above is just b.s.
Getting a job (ANY job) doesn't require a strong "support network".
Is it hard? Yes.
Does it suck to not have daddy pay for everything? Yes.
Does it suck to have to worry about how you're going to pay your rent or buy food? Yes.
Is it possible to live on your own and have a life not dictated by parents who're forcing you to marry someone you don't like? Yes.
It's not the prettiest or the most comfortable life (at least not for a while)...but it IS possible.
It just really irks me when desi girls whine about stuff and then say "Oh if I don't do it...my parents will throw me out". And I'm talking about girls who're over 21 and have never paid a single bill in their life! If they want to live in the comforts of their dad's house and have dad pay the mortgage/electric/water/gas/car/insurance/credit cards etc.....then in my opinion, they really don't have much right to complain when they're treated like children. White, black, hispanic etc...girls from other races have no problem making it on their own. For desi girls to complain that they're any less capable b/c they weren't allowed to "socialize" is just b.s.!
** My above opinions are strictly towards girls living in the U.S. I'm aware of the fact that the situation is totally diff. for girls in Pakistan/India.
Re: If Someone You Knew...
^Agree, if the girl is in her early twenties she should learn to stand on her own two feet..
You're a confident person.. I used to come across girls at my Qur'an lessons at mosque who were like mice and literally weren't allowed out by themselves at all except to go to school, not mix with friends etc. Their immediate families were their whole world and it had often already been mapped out that at 16/17/18 they would be marrying their first cousins.. Being honest in that situation I don't know if I'd have the guts to say 'no' either..
There are Pak girls in the UK who run away from home and their families actually tell the local desi taxi drivers to look out for them, pay others to bring them home by force etc. Those are obviously extreme cases but for those of us who weren't brought up in very traditional desi areas or with a v.v.tradtional upbringing it's hard to see how much they stand to lose by going against their families.. My dad's a psychiatrist and told me once about a desi girl (Pakistani or Indian I can't remember) who was actually decapitated by her own dad here in the UK for marrying an 'outsider'..
Re: If Someone You Knew...
I guess Id talk to the girl and see where she stands. I dont believe people outside of family should speak to elders of that family about their personal concerns
Re: If Someone You Knew...
if I was in a position to say something and had good terms with the family, then I would have definitely given my POV and intervened once. But if they didn't listen, I would stay quiet. As sometimes family intervention can cause worse situations.
Re: If Someone You Knew…
did the OP say a ‘girl being forced’…or was it implied?? 