i have a different point of u.....
some girl do get into the marriage not with big expectations but they get into the marriage with a hope that if things didnt turn out the way she is planning..... she'll put in her best effort to make it work and it is not a lie that most girls blame their parents for their failed marriage because initially its her parents who force her in.
take me for example.... when i was asked abt my husband i clearly said No to my mom because the way my FIL took me to the other room and started talking to me in a way i didnt like at all ..... he was doubting my character and asking me if i already have a bf ..... it was insulting for me atleast but mom didnt see it a big deal and despite of me telling her that i dont think this family is right for me.... (there were other small incidents) she went ahead and said yes to them.....
i was so pressurized by my family that i couldnt even stand up for myself.... there was no one who supported me or bothered to understand my point of view.... so when mom said yes ... i decided i am gona make this marriage work no matter what....
but after putting so much effort (maybe not as much as compared to other ladies who had been through a lot) and i did work hard at it and in return i never got anything....and the funny thing is that he makes it sound like its my responcibility to keep putting effort and not his.....
my inlaws behave really weird.... to me it seems like they never accepted me as their bahbi.... i feel like i am unwanted in their family.... even though its arranged by his family.... not even in the beginning of marriage i felt that i am part of his family....
i tried talking to him so many times but there is a huge communication gap between us so yeh its not like girl blame their parents/spouse/inlaws because they dont see their marriage going any where.... maybe some do but not all girls blame their parents because they seem like an easy target but they blame them because they were the one who took the decision and told her that we are your elders and we know this world more then u so you should trust us because we are not gona ruin ur life.... and at the end they do end up ruining our life......
i however never told my parents that they made a wrong decision and never told them what i am going through... cuz i dont see any point
I feel sad for you. Insha Allah everything will get better I hope. I understand you so very well, it sounds so awfully familiar!
One of the things I don't understand, why do they ask us for their sons, if after marriage they only mistreat us and make us feel unwanted?
In the beginning of my wedding, sometimes he was kind to me, take me somewhere, or just spend time with me at home, then his parents were saying, your brother doesn't do that for his wife, why are you doing that for yours? Then his mother said to him, your father never treated me that kind, why do you treat your wife like that? You have to be more strict with her. When we were just married, he did take me out a few times, his parents were angry, his older brother moaning about it, after that, he didn't take me out anymore, not even when we moved to a new home with only his older brother. He was more and more strict and awful, even when we were alone. Why make fake promises before weddings, why be loving and kind to females before weddings, why even ask their hand in marriage if after marriage, only to treat her negatively?!
Your parents don't know what's happening with you? So your inlaws never complain about you? Mine did, my mother-in-law was the older sister of my mother, she always called my mother and argued about me. She said for example, why didn't you teach your daughter haandy? While before marriage my Dad had told her that I could only make roti, tea, samosa and bake eggs. She knew that, her husband had said it didn't matter, that they would show me how to do that after marriage, that it wasn't a problem, but after marriage, they made a huge deal out of it! Mother-in-law always complained about ridicilous things. Not just to my own mother, afterwards she always phoned the rest of the sisters and told everyone lies against me. Sometimes something was true, like my not knowing how to make haandi back then, but she knew that before marriage and didn't make a problem of it then, so why make a problem of it after marriage? There were many things like that as well.
Don't we all just want a quiet nice life without arguments and problems? Why should everyone be nasty to each other without even a good reason? Life can be so nice, so pleasant, I don't understand why some types of people make a problem of everything and fight over every single thing. I think some people just like fighting so they grab any excuse to start a fight.