the sister is retarded. She needs to see a shrink or reassess her own marriage and see whether it applies to her as well
in this situation there is no choice between mother and wife.. if it were a matter of life and death (like who should ur kidney go to or watever), id say mother
but this is plain idioticness that happens in many homes..
my advice, tell the sister to stay out of it :k:
OH HELL YEAH!! Screw the woman, there are plenty of them out there. Save Mom.
i think i,ll jump off the cliff! 
itnay mushkill sawal mat poocha karo
I dont understand why this guy has to “choose” between his mother and his wife??I mean, the dude just got married, ofcourse he is going to want to spend more time with the new wife. And from LK mentions, its not like he is ignoring his own family either. So why should he leave his wife??I am sorry I mustve missed the reason everyone else prolly didnt. I am sooo surprised at ppl who say, he should leave his wife and choose for his mother. So, what did the wifey do wrong again?
If I was in his shoes, I would try to tell my sis to stay out of my life, first of all (in nicer terms ofcourse) and then try reassuring my mother that I am still her son, no matter how old I get, or how many kids I have etc. And if that doesnt work, I would stay quiet and be patient about all this and request my wife to do the same. I know its hard but not impossible.
Seriously, these are the kinda comments and point of views that scare me out of marriage, everytime I think I am ready for it. I mean, sure Heaven lies beneath a mother’s feet, but sometimes parents can be overprotective too. And what do we think??the wife doesnt have ANY rights and feelings at all??I would understand leaving the wifey if she was a witch and a mean spirited bahu but from what I see here, she isnt. She is actually trying to work it out.
I am sorry for writing so much but I am sooo mad 
A VERY difficult question. I would save my mother and I am sure girls who really love their husbands would understand why guys would choose to save thier moms. It's not that they don't love their wives, but since mother gave them birth, brought them up etc, they would try to pay her back. Having all that said, I strongly disagree with the statement that I should save my mother "because my wife is replaceable and I can marry again". NO, I will NOT save my mother because of this statement. I would save her because she has done so much for me all my life, now it's time for me to do something in return. A wife has her value, a mother has her own. Mom can't be saved because wife is replaceable and wife can't be saved because mom has seen her life and the wife has yet to spend her life.
LK i would like to answer the question in a manner that relates to your friends situation, but they dont seem to match.
he doesnt need to choose between the two. He just needs to learn to balance all the people in his life.
First he needs to talk to the sister & tell her she needs to respect his wife & be patient with the adjustment.
2nd he needs to reassure his wife that he does not feel the same way the sister does, that he has spoken with her abt the matter, & to be patient
3rd he needs to talk to his mother & reassure her that he & her bahu has the best of intensions for her & show her instances in which the wife was in the mothers favor.
4th he should discourage any negative talk or actions of any person toward the other by using positive soft words
I'd choose to save the save the wife. Parents are here for their kids, not the other way around. A child doesn't ask to come into this world. A child isn't able to choose (as far as I know) what race, nationality, or economic background it is to be born into. It’s the parent’s responsibility to ensure that child has the best life possible. This includes happiness. The parent has made his/her impact on the world and if it comes down to it, it could mean sacrificing their own life to ensure the continued existence of the family.
^ You could’ve said that with your regular ID, didn’t have to make a new one for it 
So you are saying a child is brought into this world by his/her parents and they have to do every possible thing to ensure his/her happiness and when they get old, the child does not have to take care of his parents who brought him into this world and gave him whatever he needed and now when they are in need of your love and care, you should turn around and walk away?
^ This is my regular ID. I’m a new user. ^
The original question was would I choose my wife over my mother. Not will I take care of my parents when they get old.
And yes, I would take care of my parents because I love them, not because I owe them for taking care of me. I owe them nothing and my children will owe me nothing. Parents are supposed to take care of their children. Give them everything they need to not only succeed but to win in life. They are supposed to make sacrifices, loose sleep, and worry themselves sick all for the welfare of their children.
Ofcourse parents are "supposed to" take care of their children, but what about children? Aren't they "supposed to" take care of them when they are in need. Take this example: If you have a job, you go to work and do your job, in return you get paid. Let's say someone is very kind and is paying you without making you work. How many times will he do this? He'll do this once, twice, three times, and then finally stop paying you because you are not willing to give him something in return.
Similar situation is with parents. They give you everything you need and you still don't owe them anything? They never say that you have to give them something in return and all they ask for is the same thing they did for you when you were unable to help yourself. That's all they are looking for, your love and care for them.
I can't change the way you think, but this is what I think. If they've done so much for me, I think I can atlease try to pay back some of it to please them and Allah.
Shikra, did you not read my previous reply? I said I do love and will take care of my parents. I won't be doing it because I’m obligated, Ill be doing it because I want to.
You obviously don't have kids. If you do then Ill pray for them. Your example about employer and employee is out of context. An employee performs a service and in turn his employer compensates him accordingly. There is no such two way street relationship with parent and child. A parent’s love, particularly a mother’s love, for their child is unconditional. No matter how screwed up that kid turns out to be, the love he receives from his parents should never falter.
[QUOTE]
Originally posted by Shikra: *
I would save my mother and I am sure girls who really love their husbands would understand why guys would choose to save thier moms. It's not that they don't love their wives, but since mother gave them birth, brought them up etc, they would try to pay her back. Having all that said, I strongly **disagree* with the statement that I should save my mother "because my wife is replaceable and I can marry again". NO, I will NOT save my mother because of this statement. I would save her because she has done so much for me all my life, now it's time for me to do something in return. A wife has her value, a mother has her own. Mom can't be saved because wife is replaceable and wife can't be saved because mom has seen her life and the wife has yet to spend her life.
[/QUOTE]
Shikra, now I am confused than ever!What does mom need to be saved from???Her insecurities I say but how is her insecurity the fault of the bahu?
LK I suffered enough such "what ifs" in my psychology class!! I refuse to even think about all this!
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Ira: *
Shikra, now I am confused than ever!What does mom need to be saved from???Her insecurities I say but how is her insecurity the fault of the bahu?
[/QUOTE]
I wasn't talking about the problem posted in the thread. I was talking in general as if one were in a situation where one could either save his wife or mother. My reply is to the first line of this thread "If a man had to make a choice between...saving the life of his mother or his wife..".
As far as the reply to the scenario is concerned, as most people said, he doesn't have to choose one over the other, he just needs to work on the balance. As I said, mother has a different and unique status and a wife has different and unique status as well.
I hope I am clear now.
See the reason I've related the initial question with the scenario is because I want to know if you guys really think the wife is replaceable.
I can understand why you'd want him to save his mother...but most people gave the reason as "you can find another wife".
It shouldn;t be about finding another wife it should be beacuse you love you mother and that's the least you can do for her..blah blah.
It's the mentality here I'm trying to get at...that wives ARE indeed replaceable in the eyes of most people...
..which is sad..very sad
Aww LK.Its so tough to choose between two people that we love so much.
But do you mean as in after marriage - the mother daughter in law issues that a guy sometimes has to choose between?
Ok personally, I wouldnt expect a guy to be able to choose.I mean one time this cetain person asked me if I would choose him over my family.Im sorry to say I said family.I uh did choose my family.It all depends. I mean its quite a complicated issue...its all about which side you wish to hurt...or which side you have the heart to hurt.Either way I think the person who chooses suffers the most.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by lastknightess: *
See the reason I've related the initial question with the scenario is because I want to know if you guys really think the wife is replaceable.
I can understand why you'd want him to save his mother...but most people gave the reason as "you can find another wife".
It shouldn;t be about finding another wife it should be beacuse you love you mother and that's the least you can do for her..blah blah.
It's the mentality here I'm trying to get at...that wives ARE indeed replaceable in the eyes of most people...
..which is sad..very sad
[/QUOTE]
I knew what you meant to ask. That's why I was pretty clear in my first response that I strongly disagree with the statement that a wife is replaceable. That's why I said a mother is unique in her own way, and a wife is unique in her own way. Any loving and caring guy would love both.
Well I guess I was way off in left field. I thought the topic was about what you actually asked, not what you meant to say or by what was implied.
You should have phrased your question differently.
^^ No I mean its okie to say you'd save your mother..but you'd do it coz you love your mother and she's brought you up and loved you all your life..but saying that you'd save your mother because your wife is replacable is sad sad news.
My mother would want me to save my wife. That’s just how I was raised.
Guys, what if your father was faced with that same decision? Would you want him to get rid of his wife (your mother)