Iam fed upppppppppppppp!

So, a common case!

My parents want me to marry my cousin who lives in Karachi.The rishta was kind of done in childhood itself though both families fully confirmed it one and a half year before, even without asking me.Right from many years I have been having argument with my parents on this that I do not want to marry him but they have never been willing to hear and their reasons being:
a) Because his mother (who was my phuppo) always wanted to have me as her daughter-in-law,though she is now no more in this world .
b) Because he is our relative only,so, however he is, so even if I may or may not get anything else out of this marriage,but I would have a stable marriage as it would never end as there would never be anything like divorce :smack: which is not possible if marrying a stranger.

Now my reason for rejecting him is that, he lacks proper education.He is some classes pass, and that also not from a proper school but from some institute,etc :bummer: He is just a street wanderer who just acts as if he knows everything, and his acting is what actually makes my parents believe he is a smart,intelligent and educated person :smack:

On advise of few of my friends, I tried to get to know him, with the hope that I may end up liking him,but when I just exchanged few sms messages with him, I realized that I can’t live my life with him :frowning: . I even told him to continue his education, and complete it but the reply I got from him was that, he is happy with the education he has :grumpy: Then what’s the fault of mine!!! :mad:

Now, my parents believe that, once married,i will start liking him, but i know myself better and i know that,no matter what, i will not like him even after marriage,because the kind of personality he has and the way he is, it just annoys me sooo very much! :smack:

So, almost every day the arguments between me and my parents continue, so much so that, now my dad has even started saying that, now he regrets making me get educated :smack: If that guy has no interest in education, then what’s the fault of mine? :frowning:
So now, according to my parents, there’s no way they could say no to his family, as they have said yes infront of many people,and saying no would simply cause quarrels,embarassement,etc :bummer:
After that rishta, a couple of families actually contacted my parents who were interested to come forward with rishta, but my parents declined them, saying they have already done my rishta with that cousin, grrrrrrr!

So, now I am actually fed up with these arguments.I don’t know what to do. When I think of the marriage,it makes me feel like crying :frowning: By what way can i make my parents stop from letting this marriage happen?

Re: Iam fed upppppppppppppp!

Seems like your parents are thinking of what to do for their own good rather than for yours! If you aren't interested in this guy and have tried to forge some sort of friendship and found no attraction then you need to stick to your guns! Afterall your pupoh (god rest her soul) may have wanted you to marry him, your parents may want you to marry him but nobody else will have to live with him but you! Stand your ground, if your Muslim (I'm assuming you are) then look in to your rights, you cannot be forced in to marriage.

Just out of interest, do you live abroad? If you live in the UK there is the Forced Marriage (Civil Protection) Act 2007 that will prevent your parents from forcing you in to the marriage without your full consent. Obviously I highly doubt that you would want to take legal action against your parents, if necessary you may have to protect yourself in the future from the blackmail that is going on!

Re: Iam fed upppppppppppppp!

some serious situation man
i have an idea but it might not be right in your case so leave it
but from what you have said, even if the world comes to an end, dont marry him

Re: Iam fed upppppppppppppp!

^ Where I have heard this story before… :hmmm: same story as mine, I feel for you. Maybe we could all form a group. If you need talk message me. I can try to give you as much advice as possible. Alot people have helped me here on GS, so you are in good hands.

Re: Iam fed upppppppppppppp!

Don't marry for the wrong reasons. You aren't the only one. Every year thousands if not more girls have these types of arguments with their parents, who aren't too liberal in their thinking.

Re: Iam fed upppppppppppppp!

Do you have the courage to walk away from a bad marriage, meaning if you were miserable in the marriage would you divorce him? If the answer is yes, then don't bother going down the marriage route - say no to him now and tell your parents you'd rather have them upset with you for saying no to the rishta, rather than end up divorced (for which the writing is on the wall).

Re: Iam fed upppppppppppppp!

Don't marry him even if he is the last guy left in this world. The person who is unable to understand the importance of education will make your life hell since you are more educated than he is. There must be many compatibility issues between you two. Does he plan to move to your country after marriage? If yes, then his only reason for marrying you would be to settle abroad. There should be something in a guy which would make you consider him as a potential spouse. Just being a cousin is not a good reason to start considering any one for marriage.

If you are closer to your mom, try to discuss things with her. Since its your phuppo's son, your dad would be more emotional in the matter and your mom might understand you and will help your dad understand your point of view. Try to involve any of your dad's friends to whom he is close to and ask him to make your dad understand. Hope your parents understand your POV.

Re: Iam fed upppppppppppppp!

now now hold your horses, how in the world did you come up with the notion that his reasons to marry is to settle abroad?

Re: Iam fed upppppppppppppp!

We all know, many guys would want to marry ABCDs for green cards. This can be one of the reasons. I am not generalising, but girls and guys our generations are not very open to the idea of cousin marriages. If the guy has agreed to this proposal, it surely hasn't been only for love. His lack of interest in education shows that he knew he would be settling abroad after marriage and that his wife would be helping him settle abroad (which most people think equivanelt to lottery). Well, we can only guess. Pinkyy knows her cousin more than we do.

Re: Iam fed upppppppppppppp!

Since this is guy is not the right fit for you and your heart and soul is not in this marriage do not marry him at all. Keep ranting and whining and keep giving your parents right reasons to not marry him , but be polite , humble and calm while you are arguing with them.
Where do you live ? If you live in some Western country there is no way anybody can marry you to someone without your will and consent. If they try to take you to Karachi for any reason before you are married to person of your liking refuse to go.

Re: Iam fed upppppppppppppp!

your parents loves their khandan people more than you. Islam gives right to both the girl and the guy to reject/accept anyone.
ask your parents, what good khandan do when the same couple go in any dispute?

Re: Iam fed upppppppppppppp!

It's better to stay firm and make the right choice now than repent all your life.
Is there anyone else in your family you can talk to who will support you in front of your parents? an elder uncle, aunt, grandparents?

Maybe your parents need an escape route here - they have committed to this rishta and have no way of backtracking without losing face. Can you somehow spin this to make it appear that YOU are too educated for him and that may lead to (ego) problems later? (I know it sounds crazy, but if the boy's side is convinced that you are too "modern" they may back off themselves)

Good luck dear!

Re: Iam fed upppppppppppppp!

why dont you get marry with some educated guy and then your parents will stop bothering you.

Re: Iam fed upppppppppppppp!

Do you have a sympathetic relative who can talk some sense into your parents? Or brothers or sisters who can also fight your corner?

Re: Iam fed upppppppppppppp!

Don't give in to your parents demands, no matter how rough the road gets. If you KNOW you cannot live with this cousin of yours, then stay firm in your decision of not marrying him. In the event that you do cave in because of the pressure, you might end up regretting it big time, I would advise you to keep fighting your corner. Also, I would read 2 nafl after obligatory namaz, asking Allah for strength....he will answer, although it may take time. Just make sure you don't lose hope.

Re: Iam fed upppppppppppppp!

Hold your ground and dont marry him. No one told them to go and give their word without asking you. They could have paused for a bit and consulted rather than make a decision on your behalf. But they didnt and now the fault lies with them. Not you.

If you marry him and things go sour, you will create a very difficult situation for your family. If you dont marry him, people will do "hayye hayye" for a few months and then go on to the next scandal.

Re: Iam fed upppppppppppppp!

“making me get educated” ? Not enough, I’m afraid.

Re: Iam fed upppppppppppppp!

hush up and marry the man
stop thinking you deserve better
your parents made the best choice for you
you cannot be trusted to make one yourself

Re: Iam fed upppppppppppppp!

I am sure she meant allowing me to become educated. However, if you did want to grade her on her grammar...

Frodo, who says she cannot be trusted? are you the one to judge her trustful nature? Who is judging yours??

I hope you are ok Pinkyy.

Re: Iam fed upppppppppppppp!

Tell your parents you'll make his life hell if they force you into this, then you'll divorce him and they will never be able to show their faces in society ever again.