Hey All, My name is Sameena and i am 30 years old. I am from US. I have been married once before when i was 29. My first husband has been physically abusive to me. I divorced him and moved on. Met other guy, he is my current husband. I married to him in July of this year. Relationship between me and my husband has been smooth. No major fights or argument. Except my husband was having financial problems. One day i decided to leave him and came back to my parents. Because my mom asked me to come to house for few weeks to clear my mind. When i came back to my parents i brought all my belongings with me from that house. I didn’t contact him for three days after that. Nor he has contacted me. When i finally called him following four days after, he seemed very very annoyed. And told me we should just separate because i was being very immature in this relationship. We talk three days after that, because he texted me. I called him, we both had very calm discussion on the phone. He was very sad and crying on the phone. And said sorry to me so many times. Long story short: i sent Khula’aa notice to him and i have accused him of mental and physical torture. Because that is what my father told to write on that piece of paper. This is going on since we have been separated beginning of November of this year. My father called him and threatened and asked him to divorce me because he was angry that my husband has called out for separation–not divorce. My father is very protective and told me it is better to be single than being marry to such a man. He has now agreed to divorce me and his condition is that i need to take out mental and physical torture. He didn’t want to divorce me. But my father is forcing me to divorce him. I have no way to talk to my husband. My father asked me not to contact him again. Cherry on top i texted him not to contact me. It has been 2 months, we are going back and forth through masjid. I am scared of my father. I do not want divorce, i will be committing major major sin by accusing him for such crime. He won’t ever take me back. I hate myself every living day. Now i regret my decision. What do i do? please help. I hope my husband is reading this i just want to tell him i love him and please do not divorce me. He is completely innocent of all the charges i laid on him. He is very sweet guy. Allah meein kyya karuun. Meein onkee samnnai nazzar nahin mila sktee. My husband offered me to come talk to him in presence of scholar. I refused. Because my father told me he will disown me if i decide to go back to my husband.
Grow a spine and stand upto your dad would be a good start
Re: I wrongfully accused my husband of abuse---please please help!!!
I am so scared of my dad. I miss my husband. :(
Re: I wrongfully accused my husband of abuse---please please help!!!
Are you sure..you from US? Because i know someone who is going through same issue here in Canada. : )
Re: I wrongfully accused my husband of abuse---please please help!!!
Jeebus, you are 30 !!! Go to police if you are that threatened by your dad. Go use a pay phone and set up a meet with your husband and explain to him everything. Use your brain for once, you are a grown woman
Re: I wrongfully accused my husband of abuse—please please help!!!
^Well Xtron, at least that was funny if not useful. 
Re: I wrongfully accused my husband of abuse---please please help!!!
Sameena,
What surprises me is that you had the guts to leave your husbands home, taking all your belongings with you as though you were moving out and away from him. You acted like a "sher" then, but now you don't have the courage to leave your parents' home?
How about you take baby steps? Don't move back in with your husband if you're not ready to do so. Why don't you meet him outside at cafe or something to discuss your future and to figure what it is you both want from each other. Consider talking to him face-to-face...outside of your parents' home....without your dad's presence hovering about you and making decisions for you.
YOU need to decide if you wanna get divorced or remain married. This is your decision to take. Not your mom's or your dad's.
Re: I wrongfully accused my husband of abuse---please please help!!!
I can't go out of the house. I do not work. I am so confused and scared. He had offered me to go for coffee long time ago just after we separated. But i refused because my father told me not to be in contact with him.
Re: I wrongfully accused my husband of abuse---please please help!!!
You have to right the wrong. Find a way to get in touch with your husband.
We make mistakes in life. What you do AFTER you make mistakes defines you as a person.
Re: I wrongfully accused my husband of abuse---please please help!!!
I can't go out of the house. I do not work. I am so confused and scared. He had offered me to go for coffee long time ago just after we separated. But i refused because my father told me not to be in contact with him.
It doesn't matter if you don't work. Work has nothing to do with this. If you drive, then you can always tell your parents that you need to make a run to the grocery store or the mall or the doctor......and then meet your husband. Or can you not do that either?
Or when your dad is at work, maybe your husband can visit you at your parents' home.....if your mom is more "reasonable" than your dad and will be more open to you meeting with your husband. Or is this not possible either?
Despite his "sweetness" and your rediscovered "love" for him, it seems like you both have anger management issues. It's disturbing men or women make threats to separate or end a relationship. It makes you wonder whether they will make the same threat again in the future. And you cannot pack your bags and leave your spouse each time you have an argument with him. You can still take a "break" from him without leaving the ho,e. And if you must leave for a while, it can be done without taking all your belongings which reads like you're ending the relationship and can make your spouse react defensively. If you both manage to meet in person and decide to give your marriage another shot, you both will have to work on how to manage conflicts.
Also, the sad thing is that your dad is acting more impulsively then both you and your husband did. He is making the same mistake he accuses your husband of....only your dad is playing dirty. Just because he's your dad doesn't make him automatically right. As a Muslim you have the responsibility to do what is fair and just. You are allowed to disobey your parents if they are doing something against Islam. If you cannot stand up to do what is right, then you share the blame with your dad. So, you decide whom you should fear more....your fallible dad or Allah? If you cannot salvage your marriage, at least don't tarnish his reputation.
Re: I wrongfully accused my husband of abuse---please please help!!!
I will be lying to my parents. What if my parents find out i met my husband. They will disown me.
Re: I wrongfully accused my husband of abuse---please please help!!!
I can most certainly attest to the fact that...he doesn't deserve you.
Re: I wrongfully accused my husband of abuse---please please help!!!
I will be lying to my parents. What if my parents find out i met my husband. They will disown me.
Clearly you have made your choices.
1) you chose to lie abt abuse
2) you don't want to lose your parents. Hence you don't want to tell them the truth.
3)you don't want to meet your husband because you don't want to lie to your parents for fear of getting caught. Not out of a sense of honesty - for you already lied abt abuse.
In other words, you have no intention of correcting course and go from a path of lies to path of truth.
Re: I wrongfully accused my husband of abuse---please please help!!!
You can contact him online first.
Re: I wrongfully accused my husband of abuse---please please help!!!
Check and see if he is willing to meet you at this stage. You can text him or contact him through facebook or something. If parents are asking their child to do something that's wrong than it's not wrong Islamically to disobey them. Frankly, you have been married once before, you don't work, your husband is a good person and you have no kids. How will you support yourself in the future?
Anyway, parents do come around later on, text him, and if he agrees, just go with him, simple!
Re: I wrongfully accused my husband of abuse---please please help!!!
I will be lying to my parents. What if my parents find out i met my husband. They will disown me.
You're more afraid of lying to your parents than the huge lies you have charged your husband with?
And the ironic thing is that you are so afraid to lie to the same father who himself forced you to lie that your husband was physically abusive. Your father is also a "liar"... in this scenario at least. He was not afraid to charge your husband with lies, but you are afraid to lie to him.
Look, if you can't reunite with your husband, at least remove the accusations you've charged him with.
Re: I wrongfully accused my husband of abuse—please please help!!!
So you left your 1st husband b/c he was abusive, found another man, and got married within 1 year? Wow… and here on this forum we think Pakistani divorcees will have trouble re-marrying!
This type of whining coming from a 30 year old woman living in the U.S. is beyond pathetic. In this situation, you have to choose one…your husband or your parents. You have already chosen your parents even though you know what they’re doing is wrong and they’re making YOU do something that’s very wrong. So either you deal with YOUR choice to follow your dad like a little child or do something about it (and you already know what you will lose if you do something about it).
Look at the up-side…if you go through this divorce…you may be able to land hubby #3](http://www.paklinks.com/gs/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=3) by age 31.
Please leave your husband alone. If you are such a childish person to blindly follow your dad and land your spouse in mess, this is not the last time you're doing this even if it gets resolved. I am saying this because we have had a hell life with such an aurat that came into my brother's life few years back and she did the same accusations on him in order to get khula since she was same abba ki laadli whose dad controlled her so bad. We curse her and her dad to this day like nothing and I request you to not to ruin the man's life anymore if you cant take a stand to differentiate right from wrong. Divorces not only ruin a womans life buy affect men very bad too so please get married only if you are ready to give 100% to your marriage.
Re: I wrongfully accused my husband of abuse—please please help!!!
And then they say maturity comes with age .. :hinna:
Prayers for the husband!
Re: I wrongfully accused my husband of abuse---please please help!!!
Someone needs to grow up. Either you or your dad!
The poor husband is stuck with two immature/sentimental adults.