This is a fairly common dialogue that many fathers utter at one point or another in their lives: “I work so hard to earn for you guys”, ostensibly referring to the fact that he earns his money to ensure his family lives a life commiserate with their social standing etc.
I have always felt the implications of this dialogue are perhaps not entirely true. The dialogue implies that if his family weren’t there, “dad” may have worked less hours or may not be driven to work “so hard”. Is that really true? Wouldn’t there be an internal desire in every individual to be competitive and excel in his chosen profession? If the family weren’t there, would a “dad” not want to and aspire to climb the corporate ladder, anyway?
I believe, and I may be wrong, that most of why people work long hours to get ahead in the rat race is an internal desire to “succeed” (however you want to define the word “success”). If thats the case, then just admit it. Why take your family on an unfair guilt trip?
ya I agree with u.....but u never hear a mom saying oh i worked 24/7 to raise u....which is a lot harder than working 9-5 jobs....woman have to give up their whole lives to take care of their children...but u hardly hear them complaining.....
a guy with commitments will try to afeguard the wellbeing of his family, even if it means putting up with crap, and yes material success is not what drivs all people, career, intellectual and personal fulfillment can come from work that is just a little removed from the rat race.
We have heard of guys who take on additional jobs, teachers who moonlight as stock clerks at local grocery stores, people working overtime if they are non exempt..
bull****, go to an avg desi house with a stay at home mum in pakistan and by the general lack of cleanliness, organization, well mannered kids, etc etc, you will be able to see how much she really does. yeah the hurs may be there but the productivity, effectiveness, and quality is not there.
and in Pakistan frget about houses with gardeners, drivers and cooks..but when at minimum almost everyone has a massi come in do the dishes, do the laundry, mop the floors … what exactly is this 24/7 job
Faisal, you may be partially right. But those people who are normally in low paid jobs usually do it for family, by usually working two jobs or long hours to both end meet.
If I had a choice I'd be working in a slightly less paid job and living in some country of my choice where I can have more relaxing environment but that doesn't provide me the job to support my family the way I want my children to be raised, so ya I can say I am doing it for my family. But I dont stay at work long hours unless really really necessary (usually once or twice a month).
I ofcourse dont bother about corporate ladder since I am 100% Technical type guy & usually companies dont work without technicals guys like me so they usually pay me more then their managers to keep me.
This guys sister called once with a proposal saying that her brother was an engineer or something and that his first wife was an awful woman and mentally tortured him, so after the divorce the guy quit his ‘engineering’ job to work at a gas station as he had no family and hence no need to make big bucks. He was going to get back in the field after finding himself a zindagi ki achi saathi So according to atleast that one family the statement in question holds ground
I dunno. I’ve never heard my dad say a thing such as “i work so hard for you” . He’s usually telling us how God has always been kind to him and how he’s always been really lucky. rather it used to be my grandmother constantly telling me how hard he works (I guess she wanted me to stop looking at him like he is my ATM machine)
One think I am sure off is that Faisal is almost going to turn 40 in the next few weeks or months. I think thats the time when people, take a step back and look at their daily routines. At first it seems like a rate race, but once the fog is gone you realize that this is what life is all about, the only difference between us and the Egyptian living in 3200 BC is that he didnt had that many gizmos to keep him self busy thats why he died when he was 32. Ohh yeah even in that time the Dad's use to say "I am working hard for you"...thats the best a man can do when looking at his future.
I guess the guilt trip would occur if the family was unappreciative. If they loafed around and didn't contribute whatever was in their means to deliver.
I grew up with chores and part-time jobs. I was contributing to the household income once I graduated so I never really heard these kinds of things from my mother or father.
But I see several examples in society today where the burden of providing a lavish lifestyle falls on only one person while the others enjoy the fruits. I hope the guilt trip works and people start appreciating what their parents do for them.
Whether or not the father would have aspired anyway.....some may have and others may have settled for less. Half the time we aspire to overcome challenges and accomplish in life is to receive some appreciation from those near and dear to us. If those folks are not around, we may all take a slightly lighter approach to things.
I guess such a situation arises only when someone (husband/wife) is neglected. It is true that if DAD not had the family, he would still be working. BUT wont be working his butt off at work. Why would he be working long hours and try to earn extra money when he has no one to share it with ?. Obviously when DAD has a family ( wife, kids ), he will work extra hard to give all the necessities of life to them and also look for their future. ( save money for their studies, shaadi and other )
This is the difference between goras and us. I was talking to this goora colleague at work the other day. we both are getting married in october ( … not to each other ), and these are his words " we americans dont save the money, what we have today we just use it and dont worry about tomorrow". and that’s one of the reason that majority of goras dont work as desi’s work. They are easy going. work 40 hours and thats it(majority). Because they dont worry about their children education(majority of them take student loan), and other big expenses(goora children do odd jobs for their little expenses). Dont count Doctors and lawyers and other demanding occupations , cuase these occupation on their own ask for too much time.
So at the end i would say, if husband is working extra hard, his family should be appreciative of it, he will for no reason ever say that ‘i work so hard for you’ unless you neglect him of his efforts.
As far as some of you who say women work at home 24/7 and never complain… what 24/7 ? in pakistan majority have servents. and here things are made easy for women.. like, they dont have to go for grocery everyday ( as opposed to pakistan, where fresh sabzi comes in every morning ), laundry is damn easy, house cleaning is again damn easy, most houses are carpeted, just do a vacume,… for dishes they have dishwashers. so what are the other thing that really makes then tired ?.
Both husband/wife are doing their work in their capacities. If both once in a while do small gestures to appreciate each other efforts, it really helps the wheel rolling.
yarrrrr, me getting married in october… and have been thinking too much about small things… any suggestiong from married male guppies here would really help me in easing out.
sure, the wisdom will be passed on in a little story..
Two friends are discussing their married life, Jack complains that his wife does not take care of the house, does not cook, just lazes around, goes shopping and socializing and thus is of little help. Bill says oh, my wife makes me fresh breakfast, packs lunch for me, my clothes are always clean and ironed, dinner is always ready by the time I am home.
Jack asks..dude..how did you manage this. Bill smiles and says, well when we got married, the first night we were talking and her kitten kept jumping on us, so finally I got mad, got up grabbed the kitten by its neck and threw it out of the window and over the fence. This sent the message that I am calm and nice but as long as you don’t mess up.
Jack thinks hard and says okay I think I understand what you are saying.
A week later they meet again and jack is all bruised up, Bill asks, ‘what happened’
Jack explains that he went and bought his wife a kitten…a few days later the kitten is jumping on them as they are in bed, he gets up picks up the kitten and tosses it out of the window and over the fence…and the wife beats the crap out of him for being a moron.
Lesson learnt…toss the kitten out of the window very early on
…jhoote zara kam bola karain maherbani farma kar.
..
So according to atleast that one family the statement in question holds ground 
), and these are his words " we americans dont save the money, what we have today we just use it and dont worry about tomorrow". and that’s one of the reason that majority of goras dont work as desi’s work. They are easy going. work 40 hours and thats it(majority). Because they dont worry about their children education(majority of them take student loan), and other big expenses(goora children do odd jobs for their little expenses). Dont count Doctors and lawyers and other demanding occupations , cuase these occupation on their own ask for too much time.
what 24/7 ? in pakistan majority have servents. and here things are made easy for women.. like, they dont have to go for grocery everyday ( as opposed to pakistan, where fresh sabzi comes in every morning ), laundry is damn easy, house cleaning is again damn easy, most houses are carpeted, just do a vacume,… for dishes they have dishwashers. so what are the other thing that really makes then tired ?.