i left work when i had kids and i havent worked in last 4 years (except from some free lance work). Now that my younger one is 1 year old i feel like i should get back to work but every one around me thinks its not a good decision, kids will be ignroed and blah blah blah including working moms. I am currently in pakistan and in pakistan you can not get back into a career after taking such a long break especially in IT. I dont have any family support i mean i dont have anyone in family who can take care of kids but there are day cares …so is it such a bad decision? should i wait for another year or so (which i think would be fatal)?
re: I want to get back to work.
re: I want to get back to work.
sorry it should be get back to work not go
re: I want to get back to work.
i don't think so that kids would be ignored...my mom was a working lady..we never felt ignored so is many women in my family...but ofcourse it would be tuff for u to manage home and work both..
re: I want to get back to work.
This is a personal decision that should be made by you and your husband. Every couple has different thoughts/opinions on this. Don't worry so much about what others think. Do what you and your husband feel is best for your family.
My mom worked full-time when I was growing up. When she had my sister years later, that's when she became a house wife. But I never felt "ignored" by my parents simply b/c of that. They spent every evening/weekends with me. I know stay-at-home mom's whose children get ignored b/c the mom's are busy with other priorities, and working mom's who spend every moment outside of work interacting with their kids.
In my humble opinion, quality of the time spent makes more of a difference than quantity.
(Of course, it would help greatly if you could get a maid to help with the housework b/c this will aid you with focusing your energy/time at home towards your baby/husband).
Re: I want to get back to work.
As paheli said, its a personal decision that you need to make.
I am a working mother and wish I had the option to stay at home initially when my first child was born. Unfortunately due to circumstances I did not. I do have a choice now and I plan on leaving work. My youngest is 18 months.
I do not think that kids are necessarily ignored but they do need lot of time and attention. It is much easier when you are stay at home mom but I think as a working mother I am losing/missing so much of important milestones in my kids life.
Some things to consider (in my opinion):
A good daycare with caring and loving teachers is very important.
A good employer/company that is family friendly is very important.
I dont know if work from home is common in Pakistan now, but whenever kids are sick and cannot go to school/day-care we need someone to stay at home. I have the option to work from home sometimes so it helps but at one of my jobs it was really tough and I had to take days off whenever my kid got sick. That was not very cool.
My workplace is not too far from where we live so I save a lot of commute time. I have lived in Karachi and I know how horrible evening traffic can get. Do consider location of your job as longer commute does tire and irritate you.
While I was working in Karachi, I know that late sittings were very normal. With kids, I cannot afford that on a regular basis so my manager knows that I need to leave by 5 and unless its very important I will not stay late. If there is something important that needs to be done in the evening, I leave work early so I am home by that time.
I dont know how many kids you have and how it will work in your house but we are on a tight schedule during the whole week. Also my husband helps a lot in the house like putting kids to bed. Sometimes he does dishes as well. Helps me on weekends with cooking. Without that I do not think I could have continued to work. Also we try to spend a lot of time with the kids over weekend to compensate for the time lost.
Ask other working mothers about why they think its not a good idea (other than the kids being ignored).
Talk to your husband and then take a decision.
Good luck !
Re: I want to get back to work.
Paheli my husband has a firm belief that women should stay at home......but with time he has realized that i simply cant be a happy stay at home mom.........its very common in pakistan to leave kids with maids (and i am totally against it) so i am looking for a daycare or may be an au pair depending on my pay and my older one goes to school so i have to find some half day activity for him like some game or something.
I have told him that i will start on a trial basis if i feel like its hard to manage or kids are getting ignored i will stop working but when i mentioned it to my family they have went crazy and even i have to face the same question in interviews i mean seriously it makes me feel like there is something wrong with me may be i aint a good mom that i want to do something else beside spending time with my kids
Sarad the only work from home jobs in pakistan are either businesses or freelance work from the wbesites like elance....which might help u make some bucks but dont help u career wise. and that i am not in NA anymore, Pakistan is different even though i havent hired any domestic help you can get loads here for all kinds of chores, so house work wont be an issue
Re: I want to get back to work.
I started working when my son was 2 months old. I don't think he is being ignored. If you feel you are ready, then go for it. You can't please people all the time nor you can live your life on what people think is right for your family.
Re: I want to get back to work.
Paheli my husband has a firm belief that women should stay at home......but with time he has realized that i simply cant be a happy stay at home mom.........its very common in pakistan to leave kids with maids (and i am totally against it) so i am looking for a daycare or may be an au pair depending on my pay and my older one goes to school so i have to find some half day activity for him like some game or something.
I have told him that i will start on a trial basis if i feel like its hard to manage or kids are getting ignored i will stop working but when i mentioned it to my family they have went crazy and even i have to face the same question in interviews i mean seriously it makes me feel like there is something wrong with me may be i aint a good mom that i want to do something else beside spending time with my kids
Ultimately you and your husband are responsible for the upbringing of your children....so don't worry about what other people think. You can't please everyone all the time. People will always have something negative to say about everything.
It sounds like you and your husband are on the same page which is the most important thing. I think you should go back to work. And after a few months, if you feel that your children are being affected negatively as a result of you working OR that you can't be the type of mother/wife you want to be while working.....then the option of leaving your job is always there. Or at that time you could even look for a part-time position if that's an option.
As long as you have your husband's support in this decision, you have nothing to lose by giving this a try. :)
I want to get back to work.
Well if you were doing freelance, why not start dipping into that more slowly? It will give you some focus as well as the freedom to work from home? Start slow and take it from there?
Re: I want to get back to work.
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Re: I want to get back to work.
Graphic designer at my office worked for a whole year from home , so he can take care of his kids .
I am in IT too , and I know for sure that if you really have good skill set then a company won't mind if you can work from home and also take care of your kid .
Re: I want to get back to work.
quality of the time spent makes more of a difference than quantity.
how are these parameters measured? the quality & the quantity?
Re: I want to get back to work.
to work or not to work is entirely your and your husband's choice. different ppl would have different views on it. but what you need to consider is if you would be able to manage both work and home justly? i work in an IT industry too and i know how stressful it gets at times particularly if you are into sales.
you can sure and must get some maid to do the house hold chores, cooking etc for you so you can focus completely on your kids and husband once you are home but one thing that got me thinking is that you mentioned if you chose to work then you will find some activity for your school going kid. in Pakistan kids normally get off from schools by 1:30 or 2:00pm. you will be back home form work by sixish i guess. so all this time your kid would also have to compromise and have to spend his time somewhere else as you said you dont want to leave kids at home on maids and you will find some activity for him. Do you think it would be fair to your child to take up some activity to kill his time and be somewhere until you return home? wil your kid be ok with this? and if you want to work becuz of the satisfaction you get out of it then it wld be more so difficult for your kid to digest tht fact. generally kids are ok and accepts the adjustments they need to make if thier moms work because of financial reasons but for some kids the fact tht they are being neglected just becuz his/her mom needs to fulfil her work dream doesnt resonate well.
i have a cousin who is now in his 20's. mu aunt wa a working mom and my cousin used to get dropped at his dadi's house after school. then my uncle n aunt wld pick him from there in late evenings. my cousin somehow hates this set-up and till now he complaints dat why was he made to go to his granny's house every day and spend time with his other cousins,uncles and aunts where all he wanted was to go back to the comfort of his own house after a tiring day at school. why was he made to enrol in art classes every summer n winter vacations. why was he made to make compromises and adjust his lifestyle just becuz mom wants to pursue her career. so i suggest you should consider this factor as well while taking decision. it is very important tht ur kid/kids must happily accepts tht thier mom is working and they need to adjust accordingly. good luck.
Re: I want to get back to work.
how are these parameters measured? the quality & the quantity?
Well, I know a few stay-at-home mom's who're technically with their kids all day. But majority of their day is spent on doing housework while the kids are napping or watching TV, talking on the phone with their friends/sisters/mom.....and I know 1 that does "play dates" almost every other day with other mom's....so on these "play dates", the kids are playing with one another while the mom's are chatting. List goes on. They're not actually spending most of the day directly focused on the child. And before someone freaks out over this....Yes I know that not ALL stay-at-home mom's are like this. I'm just saying that I know SOME that choose to spend their days like this. This is what lead me to make my earlier statement regarding quantity of time versus quality.
On the flip side, I know mom's who work full-time and are lucky enough to have part-time maids to help with the housework. So when they're home during the evenings and weekends....they spend majority of their time actually interacting with the child and building a strong bond.
I believe it's an assumption for people to think that just b/c a woman is out of the house 8 hours during the day, that the child will feel ignored or be effected negatively. I think it's important to consider just exactly how much time the mother spends actually interacting with the child one-on-one.
I want to get back to work.
Yes but 8-10 hours is still a lot for a 2 year old, its practically their whole day. I dont buy the argument of quality time, just being there is comforting and reassuring enough for a preschool child.
It is not recommended for a child to be away from parents/ carers ( if they've been caring for the child, from around 6 months,) until the the age of three, and that too not more than 15 hours/week. Any more, and there are likely going to be long term emotional affects.
Re: I want to get back to work.
'i simply can't be a happy stay at home mom'
I think you answered your own question. There are always going to be people (esp. in our community) who think all mothers should stay at home. But you should think about what's best for you AND your family in the long run. If you are unhappy it will impact your ability to be a good mom. Of course finding a good daycare facility or au pair is critical. You should also consider the personality of your child.
For example, my niece started going to preschool at 2.5 (only child at that point) even though her mom is a SAHM (and a great mom) because she cried all the time to go to school like her older cousins. Her mom dropped her off and cried in the car; my niece didn't even look back. She started going for 2 days, 3 hours a day and eventually ended up going the whole week because she insisted. She just loved interacting with other kids. Even when she came home one of her favorite games was playing school (at home she was always a very bossy teacher :)).
Pay attention to your child. You will know if he/she is unhappy or not able to adjust. Adjust accordingly. Don't feel guilty and know that this process will take it bit of time. You can even start taking her to daycare before you start working for a couple hours every day to get her adjusted. This will give you free time to focus on your job search. As others have mentioned you can look for employers that allow you to work from home some or all of the time, or employers that are looking for part-time workers.
Another strategy is to stagger your and your husband's work schedules to minimize time in daycare. For example, one parent can start work early while the other parent has breakfast with the child and drops them off.
Good luck!
Re: I want to get back to work.
Yes but 8-10 hours is still a lot for a 2 year old, its practically their whole day. I dont buy the argument of quality time, just being there is comforting and reassuring enough for a preschool child.
It is not recommended for a child to be away from parents/ carers ( if they've been caring for the child, from around 6 months,) until the the age of three, and that too not more than 15 hours/week. Any more, and there are likely going to be long term emotional affects.
That's fine. We're all entitled to our opinions based on our personal experiences and observation. My mother worked full time when I was growing up and personally, I don't feel I experienced any negative emotional affects as a result. This is one of those topics where there won't be an agreement among the majority. That's why OP needs to do what she and her husband feels is best for their specific situation.
Re: I want to get back to work.
IT is one of those fields that you can work from home and you can brush up on new skills quickly with certifications. Also in a country like paksitan you can get loads of help for house chores etc.
One is a bit small especially if you don't have much family support.
Re: I want to get back to work.
it's a tough but personal decision. I left work before my kid was born, and never gathered the courage to resume after, despite attractive job offers, I felt guilty being away when there was no financial need. You'll hear a host of different experiences, one of my friends consciously decided she would not work after kids coz her mum worked and there were so many times she feels her mom wasn't there when she needed her.