I Want To Believe...

Society Religion & Philosophy
1

Ok, I will admit. I am sick and tired of fighting with myself trying to make sense of things. Religion doesn’t make any sense. The basic aspects of Iman don’t make much sense but at the end, I so want to believe!

How do I bring myself to believe in the idea of hell and heaven, angels, or any of that stuff. I have no peace. Yes, I am ex-muslim. I was born in a Sunni Muslim Pakistani family. I have done my research on pretty much all religions but none of them make much sense.

Does Islam make sense to you or do you just follow it because you BELIEVE in it?

I am desparate for peace but nothing gives me peace. I look at the world and it seems like humans have no respect for the the mother earth. I look at religious people, they have no idea what’s going on outside of their churches, mosque, and temples. I look at athiests, and it seems like another religion/organization in disguise. They are just as clueless as those religious extremists. Then, I turned to science. As much as I love science, it only makes me more anxious. Sure, it provides answers but they lead to more questions and anxiety.

All I want is some peace of mind. I believe in God, and I have come so close to believing in Islam again but then I hear or see something that makes me start questioning again. Since I left Islam, it feels like I have left God. Nothing feels right… I will argue about logic with others but then I am the one at the end who is confused, anxious, and more curious.

I do feel Islam is so much better than other religions. Islam makes a lot more sense than any other religion BUT there’s still a lot that confuses me. I believe in its teachings, but so much that I don’t agree with. If Islam is the true religion then why is Allah so unfair, why there’s so much injustice. Does God want me to believe that this is what his wish is? Whatever I read whether it’s Quran or Ahadith, it seems so man made. It feels like there’s no way it could be from God. How do I change this mentality?

How do I communicate with God without any kind of prayer involved? I go to sleep every night asking God to show me a sign, tell me what is it that he wants from a worthless being like myself? What is my purpose here? What’s the end going to be like? If he’s out there then why isn’t he guiding me? I turn to the holy book Quran and it just doesn’t make much sense. I listen to scholars, and what they say doesn’t even align with the Quran itself. If it’s from God, why there seems to be so many contradictions, or does God wish us to dig deep for the true meaning? Why isn’t it clear?

People who have no faith scare me for some reason. I don’t wish people to lose their faith, I want people to keep believing in God so they have some fear. I just don’t know what to do anymore.

I need help. I am thinking of going to Mecca but would this be right?

2

Re: I Want To Believe...

I am telling you something which I never told anybody and never shared with anyone in person and I will never do that. I am sharing it online because nobody knows me and it will not come across that I am being a show off or want to achieve some kind of status .

So I practice Islam , and still think along the same lines, as you do, from time to time . Many a times many Quranic verses seem to me man made , they do not make sense then I remember that Allah says in Quran that we have two kinds of verses one which are all open and easy to understand ,then there are others which are there which are called Mutashabihat ( one who put you in doubt, make you confused, test your eman) my nafs will make me think how convenient . But my inner self asks me what am I losing by being on the right path so I stay the course. It is a lifelong struggle for those who think and I am willing to struggle all my life Inshallah.

And speaking of ahadees , I will never come to terms with many of them, but I cannot deny all of them because many of them provide me a framework to live my life and practice my religion as I think it ought to be practiced.

The other day I prayed to Allah during Namaz with tears in my eye , Ya Allah give me some sign that you are there and which will make my faith in you firmer.
That same night I saw Jannat and Jahhanum in my dream. If it was my own imagination's creation or sign from Allah ? I can never tell but I do believe that it was answer to my prayers. That should be enough for me to be on the right path for the rest of my life , Inshallah.
If you are looking for answers and you are sincere you will find them one day I guess secret lies in staying the course , try to follow the commandments and then seek guidance from Allah.

3

First of all!

Congratulations. You have elevated yourself above the rest of us in the realm of "spirituality". This is precisely the path of great intellectuals both men and women. And they all dedicated their lives in search of truth.

And as they say "Truth shalt set you free".

As part of this elevation into the realm of spirituality, you have now challenged yourself to focus on very very intractable problems.

And unless you find some semblance of an understanding of those problems, your mind will continue making an effort and thus you will feel uneasy, and restless.

As part of the attaining higher spirituality, you have to focus both on yourself and some of the people who are around you.

Depending on your age, ask yourself few questions!

  1. Are you employed gainfully as a professional. (if so are you making any contributions that are above and beyond your job description).

  2. Are you contributing towards the well being of your own family (kids, spouse, uncles and aunts, mum and dad etc. )

  3. Are you giving time and money towards the improvement of your local community (mosque or church, soup kitchen or homeless shelter, local school or firehouse etc.)

  4. Have you experienced true love? (at least once in your life!)

These are the questions you have to address BEFORE you delve into more complex issues such as global environment, and religious extremism, war and peace, Al Gore vs. Bush etc.

Hope this helps.

Best wishes for your spiritual journey.

4

Re: I Want To Believe...

^ burqaposhx, you are absolutely right. I do what I can for the community but it's certainly not all I can do. There's a lot I could do to help others, I just never bothered. I am not able to help much financially being young and caught up in so many bills. I try to help out family as much as I can.

Thanks, burqaposhx. I will look for places where I can volunteer. It doesn't have to be Africa or Asia, I could do a lot here. :)

Mirch- That's how I feel. When I go to sleep asking Allah to guide me show me a sign, I get nightmares. Is something wrong with me? I don't know. It is a life long struggle but I am at a point where I am beginning to lose the ones I love and I cannot let that happen. I don't know about staying the course, it's like falling in and out of love. For now, I will do as Burqaposhx suggested.

5

there are no contradictions in quran and u better stop playing ex-muslim.
islam dosent needs you.
try doing yoga and stuff.it might make sense to you.
you are an infidel so u better stay out of mecca.

6

Re: I Want To Believe...

Trying to find peace by resisting something just because you cant understand it. Good Luck dudette.

7

Re: I Want To Believe...

^ Then what's the point of having a functional brain? We naturally resist things we don't understand, no?

8

Re: I Want To Believe...

Miss_Noland, find someone in your community who inspires you and is well educated and can communicate effectively. They may be able to help you clarify a few things.

9

Which Islam do you practice ? Which Islam gives you right to be so rude and aggressive to any questioner.

10

:salam:

I think you might be surprised to know that many people who really elevate themselves almost always go though the phase you are experiencing. Whats unfortunate is that many don’t recover from it and go astray. I will say one thing for sure, the point where you are at makes you very vulnerable and you will adopt based on the influence you get at this moment. My suggestion, look for clear minded and hearty muslim folk. People who are content and can explain it to you as well. You’re in the middle of an awakening and your not equipped to handle it. You’re on a slippery slope.

Many of the things you are asking, I have asked myself so many times, things far more confusing at times. Even Prophet Ibrahim AS was confused, the Quran clearly relates his story about how many different things he considered to be God but all defied his reasoning.

Given what you’ve written, you’ve already established to yourself that Islam as a religion is superior to other religions. Can I ask you something, how did you arrive at this conclusion?

You know when you really start to understand the fundamentals and principles upon which Islam is based, you’ll go crazy realizing how much in the world is wrong wrong and wrong.

You mentioned quite a few times, how can you communicate with Allah SWT. Logically thinking, you would want to best channel of communication, wouldn’t you. The next thing is can we as Gods creation figure out what the channel of communication is or do we accept that God has told us what it is? Can you come to terms with the fact that Allah SWT gave us the means to approach him but we are busy trying to create other means to replace what He SWT has given us and have gone astray in our quest.

All you see going wrong in the world, let me ask you … didn’t Allah SWT say in the Quran that he made man (or humans) as vicegerants in this world. He SWT gave us the job to keep this house in order and also created distractions for us to lead us away from our job. Isn’t this clearly stated in the Quran. The world is full of tests for us. Remember justice is a matter of balance and compensation. It is our job to establish justice in this world and it is Allah SWT job to compensate us for it. And there are two realms where we can be compensated i.e. in this world or the hereafter.

11

Resisting something that we cant understand is not the evidence of intelligence, its the evidence of the lack of it. Galileo and may others suffered the consequence of 'intelligent minds' of those days resisting what they could not understand.

12

Re: I Want To Believe...

miss noland, im a believer but Allah sunhana wa ta'ala is not going to directly communicate with me, but i see many of his signs and i know many signs are missed because im simply not looking for them hard enough. for example one can read sentences of the quran, walk away and learn what appeaars to be nothing. but others have delved into the minute detail and found its wisdom. for example the pregnency link i gave to you a while back.

although i dont feel need to do this, and i actually havent done it. you can investigate moosa (moses) (AS) and Isa jesus (AS) check to see if they existed and if they did the miracles ascribed to them are likely to have been true or false. this will start linking you to the message of the messengers, after this you will be ready to take your message from the seal of the prophets. just like humanity was given the test

ps miss no-land, i get it now

13

Re: I Want To Believe...

@TLK- Indeed. I meant we naturally resist things we don't understand after we have exhausted all the options.

@USResident- You are right, it is a slippery slope that's why I am asking for help and I want to recover from it. Where do I find the hearty Muslims you mentioned? I know good muslims but they are usually the ones who don't talk about Islam a whole lot yet know every verse of Quran by heart. I would rather not go to a scholar, they just further confuse me.

Islam seems to make a lot more sense to me than other religions maybe because it's more modern. Having read parts of Bible, BHagavad Gita, and Buddhist texts, I can honestly say Quran is certainly more realistic in its approach. I don't claim to know all the religions but from what I have studied, Islam surpasses the rest in common sense and morality.

I do understand the fundamentals and principles, what I don't understand is the idea of supernatural beings and places (for e.g., heaven and hell, Angels, Demons, and all)

[quote]
Can you come to terms with the fact that Allah SWT gave us the means to approach him but we are busy trying to create other means to replace what He SWT has given us and have gone astray in our quest.
[/quote]

You are right about that. I do have an issue with that and it's hard to come to terms with what's been given to us because it seems very unfair unless that's what God wishes.

The world is indeed full of tests but what is God testing us for? We can live in peace and try to help each other but then what if heaven and hell don't exist? I believe in humanity, but I don't believe we will be questioned what we have done with our lives. I don't believe in the day of judgment and that's one of the many problems I have regarding Iman.

14

What exactly don't you understand about the idea of supernatural beings and places? You don't understand why they're there or you can't get yourself to believe that they exist?

15

Re: I Want To Believe...

Go to God with humility and he will not disappoint you. Even 0.1% of arrogance is enough to kill Imaan.

If you believe in god, then why is it that you cannot trust him?

16

This.

@afaaf- I trust God, but I don't trust men who manipulate his authority for personal gain.

17

Fair point, but isn't that an indication that there will be a judgement for the sake of punishing such people and rewards for those who remained steadfast? You think Allah is not angered by the injustices caused by man in front of him? His silence doesn't make him invisible.

18

Then go to your local masjid and find the active ladies in the community who everyone respects and trusts.

and we might not like what the scholars say (same knowledge you're confused about) but it doesn't mean they're jahil and evil.... I mean you go to a science professor to learn science, same way to learn deen, you go to someone with knowledge, respect, humility; scholars. Listen to Shaykh Zaid Shakir, Hamza Yusuf, Shuaib Webb. all reverts who are very knowledgeable. I'm sure there are some alims in you area as well.

19

Re: I Want To Believe...

I think you need to go to scholars. Keep going until you find the right one.

20

Re: I Want To Believe...

Um........ do you not have any worldy engagements? How do you manage to find so much time to make rocket science of a religion which is meant to be really very simple for the whole humanity? As if the people distributing the copies/versions of Quran containing unbelieveably violent and stupid tafseers are not doing enough damage to turn the majority of jahil muslim followers so destructive?

Why can you not just keep it simple for yourself and for others?

I think the only thing you need to do is take some relaxants and utilize your 'over functional thinking processes to do something constructive for yourself, for other people around you and the country you live in. Be active & productive instead of always doubting faiths. Islam welcomes to ponder and reach a balance but if satan manages to drive you away by confusing you even more, it just means you need to relax and keep it very simple. Instead spend time on being productive for yourself and for others. That's also a noble way of serving the mankind and God in turn.