I was bored in my class so I thought of this topic after hearing the news that my friend is getting married to a guy in Florida and the guy and the girl saw each other by mailing photos via snail mail. She was raised in the US since her childhood, very open-minded siblings (not a bad thing but when you start having different boyfriends and drinking in public and sleeping with guys, then it’s a little too much open minded), religious parents, nice personality though. May be she’s not a “friend” but an aquaintaice that I know through high school and college.
I’ve noticed that a lot of girls (most in my case), who are raised in the US, like the one I mentioned above, always say that they don’t want to marry an “FOB” or even someone they haven’t met and haven’t spent quality time with. They keep saying that all of their life and when the time comes, it’s a shocking news to hear that they are marrying someone they’ve seen via mail, talked to over the phone/net, haven’t met in person, let alone the fact spending quality time together.
The question is: Why go here and there sleeping with different guys when in the end you have to marry the person your parents choose for you? Why keep saying “I don’t wanna marry anyone I don’t know or haven’t spent enough time with” when you’ll marry someone you just see in pictures or talk to over the phone? I think the proverb was made for situations like these:
This is the first I’m hearing of this. Girls who have “been around” tend to find a hubby on their own grounds.
Anyway, a lot of desi guys are known for this … shagging anything with legs before marriage, then heading back to Pakistan to marry the girl of their mama’s dreams.
What the heck are you talking about big boy?. Her screwing around and getting married on an arranged proposal has nothing to do with each other. So, what if she married to her parents' wishes.
Have I totally missed the point you are trying to make.
If you keep saying one thing your whole life, why don’t you actually DO it when the time comes and you have a chance? Maybe she did try but no one listened to her but then again, If I know I’ll marry the girl of my parents’ choice (be it with my wish or by force), I shouldn’t be going around and blabbing “Arranged marriages suck”, “I would never marry someone I haven’t spent some time with”, “Man, my parents don’t know nothing about me and my choice, I’ll marry someone who I like”. Don’t you think it’s pretty stupid to say all this KNOWING how my parents are, whether they’ll allow me to marry my choise or slap their choice on me?
Or maybe people have the tendency to say one thing and do another. Maybe I am different. My parents have told me that they’ll approve any girl I like (provided that she belongs to a nice family background) so it is okay for me to tell my parents that I can marry the girl I fall in love with. However, if my parents told me “Our way or highway”, then it doesn’t make any sense for me to say “I’ll do a love marriage, screw arranged marriage” when I know in the end I’ll be stuck with my parents’ choice.
Mehnaz Guys really shag everything with legs? What happened to the exceptions?
Lussi FOBs wouldn’t find out because they are in Pakistan and girls have been doing all this here, nobody will ever tell them :rotato:
When I was in high school, and my parents were super strict, and I didn’t know any better, I always dreamt of having a true love marriage, having a boyfriend, and finally marrying him. Of course my parents would never have allowed that. But now, the thought of an arranged marriage doesn’t make me sick at all. And funny enough, on more than one occasion my mom has asked me if there was someone I liked.
Her parents were ok with her drinking and sleeping around ? And they were religious..uh alright.And if she was so 'out there' how did she end up accepting such a marriage?:o I guess she liked the guy.Hope he knows what hes getting.:p
Well, her parents have NO CLUE about both sisters' lives. The younger one used to call in guys for sleepover the day her parents went to visit her married elder sister out of state. This one (the one getting married) had a relationship in Canada and the parents found out about it, got her back in town in a local university, and now they are marrying her. Maybe she's being forced to marry because of what she has done?
But they must have called back home?And she was never there? Or their friends must have known? How can sleeping around not be discovered.Well if indeed her parents didnt know, its their own fault.
And wase Shikra agar larki nai ubb shaadi kar li hai toh achi baat hai.Seedhe raaste pai ajeyghi.:o
Shikra, the reasons vary from person to person, but you are right, I have seen this many times with guys and girls. The thing is when your not at that marrying age (just starting out in college, or whatever) people tend to say "arranged marriages are for people who cant get anyone" or "I'll never do that" because at that time, you figure its easy to find someone, etc, and thats so far away from now, so you dont pay much attention to it. But when the time comes, suddenly things change and its alot harder than you ever imagined. In college we had a large desi population there, we all knew each other, partied, went to clubs, etc. Out of all those people, I know only 2 couples who were together at that time, got married to one another, the rest split up and many of them married different people. I know some girls at that time, said openly I wanna have fun now, b/c I know when the time comes, my parents are gonna be on my case and stick me with some lame doctor or stable boring guy..so these girls were club hoppers, etc..The reasons are endless, people change with time, parental pressure, cant find anyone on their own and feel "its now or never", maybe they ended up liking someone they thought they neevr would (like a fob)..One of my closest friends, was one of those people who used to talk so much $hit and say I'll never marry a fob, i gotta know the person, etc,etc..you name it, he said it We all had him for marrying a white girl, b/c thats all he was attracted to. One day he said I want to go marry in pakistan. This guy had no problems getting a girl at all, so it was a complete shock, but its been a few years now and he's happy. People change due to unforseen circumstances or certain reasons.
MQ Not really. It's not easy to find that out. Now this friend of mine was very shareef infront of her parents. She would say she's going to "university to study" but her univesity was located at her boyfriend's house and we all know what they studied in that university.
How can I be so sure about this? Well, because Mr. Boyfriend was/is a very good friend of mine and I used to be at his house for school work when she used to show up, even during Ramadan. Well guess what, I used to leave for iftaari and they used to "study" after I left. How can I be so sure of that? Because they used to kiss (french kiss) in my presence (yeah the girl was pakistani and the guy was gora).
Now, desi parents will never forbid their beloved child from studying, will they? About the drinking problem, during Mardi Gras, I've seen her drunk in another boyfriend's (gora) arms with a beer can in her hand completely drunk. That's why I am so sure about this.
Lussi I always go for new things (not girls, things) and I would advise you the same.
50-B You are absolutly right. One should never say "never" because you never know when you'll be in that never situation.
shes someone who likes having fun or has her own ideas and opinions… her own life… her parents dont agree and are forcing her into marriage…
who are u or me to judge her character??? maybe she,ll end up being a better muslim than you or me… people change…
and if she does what u say she does, well its her life.
or are u just upset cos u come under the fob category and feel insecure?
your post makes no sense because its quite apparent that shes being forced into it… so whats the point? she said she,d never marry a fob , but now she is , cos her parents are forcing it on her… she still doesnt want to.
Conclusion and the point of the thread: I do whatever I say and whatever I can’t do, I never say it. That’s why it bothers me when people keep saying one thing their whole life and when time comes, they do something completely opposite. "Baaton k shair
2good My life was VERY colorful but for about 2 years, I have changed A LOT and have given up all the outgoing and “fun” activities.
I think with all things you should be sensetive to why some people are against the idea of arranged marriage. The defination of an arranged marriage differs for each family. If you have ever met people from NWFP you would learn that they only marry family, that too only first or second cousins. Growing up in the west, wouldn't that bother you if your only choice was your first or second cousin?
Shikra...yes sometimes we do say things and at that time we really mean those things, with our 100% sincerity and conviction...then, some experiences can make us change our mind about certain things....the human mind is in constant evolution isnt it...when we're faced with new circumstances and experiences our thoughts and outlook towards life can also change...and thus our approach towards issues can change...for example, i had grown up saying i'm never going to be an engineer, and look, today i am an engineer...this is life...you can't hold on to what people said, a thought they expressed, and expect them to stick to it forever...circumstances change, people change, their ideas change...life is in constant flux..
you're only allowed to complain if someone made an agreement or commitment with you and didnt honor that...
ideally we should never say such definitive things though, that im never going to do this or im never going to do that...its definitely immature to say such things...a Muslim should speak very responsibly...but i for myself know i'm very far from being that...
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*Originally posted by KAKA-ATOM-BUM: *
who are u or me to judge her character???
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KAB, i think if i see someone doing something which i consider bad, i have every right to say that i think that person is doing something bad...we are no one to say that that person is a bad Muslim or going to hell....but i think we have and should condemn a wrong act if we see it happenning coz in Islam we are supposed to condemn a wrong action...ofcourse it should be done in a way not to hurt the other person if u r talking to that person...
but in public i think i have every right to say that if a person does act X that act is wrong...for example, aren't we all going to agree that mistreating your parents is wrong...doesnt mean i am condemning a person who mistreated his or her parents or condemning them to hell, ofcourse, coz i got no right to do that...but i think we should point out that mistreating parents IS a wrong act..true, actions depend on intentions so sometimes it becomes confusing, but still i think Islam has given us clear guidelines on what's right and what's wrong...
What happened to the exceptions? 
