I tell people at work I have a girlfriend. But I don't!

Lifestyle Relationships
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I do it because when I do get married (arranged marriage), I can just say “Yeah we dated for 2 years, and now are getting married”. I hate explaining to goras about arranged marriage and all that other stuff, they never understand. Been working out very well.

Also, sometimes if I tell them (as I did in the past), “I don’t have a girlfriend” then 20 million questions arise, “Don’t you guys have it arranged?” or “Is your mom going to pick one for you?” Might as well just tell them I have a girlfriend and be done with all the questions.

I am smrt.

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Re: I tell people at work I have a girlfriend. But I don’t!

a stupid thing to do. once u do get married, if your wife happens to talk to one of these colleagues…and she gets told that uve had a gf for 2 years…and they all say that…then ur wife will start suspecting it was some other girl…and then expect to answer not 20 million…but 20 billion questions :rolleyes:

if they ask questions…they learn and its a good opportunity to tell them about things…why do u have to lie and not tell the truth? dont u want these misconceptions/false ideas to be gone from these peoples heads…

in ur case I wouldve told the exact truth…whatever they ask I would answer them. be who you are…i dont see why u feel the need to fit in.

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Re: I tell people at work I have a girlfriend. But I don't!

I used to tell people that if the topic came up. But 100 stupid questions would arise. So I just gave up.

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Re: I tell people at work I have a girlfriend. But I don't!

What's to be so ashamed about not having a GF?

Tell them you are a celibate and that GFs are forbidden in your faith...Let them know it will be arranged and a good woman will be chosen for you by your parents...

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Re: I tell people at work I have a girlfriend. But I don’t!

exactly…if thats the way u want it (arranged)…then theres no need to be ashamed about it. and they shouldnt have a problem with it. at least its better than sleeping with 100 diferent people and ending up marrying none of them.

realistically u have more questions to ask them than they can ask you…

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Re: I tell people at work I have a girlfriend. But I don't!

TDW, its just natural curiousity that causes your co-workers to ask questions. Its a different way of life, they're interested so they ask. Westerners tend to be curious almost to the point of rudeness but it isnt meant to be rude. Be yourself.

and impulse, so you think that either a person never dates and has an arranged marriage OR sleeps with "100 different people"??? Sheesh. A date isnt sex....maybe you should ask YOUR co-workers some questions!

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Re: I tell people at work I have a girlfriend. But I don't!

Lets not mix faith with culture while explaining this.

Dating (in the truest sense of dating) is not condoned in our Deen.
But having parents select the spouse is strictly a cultural thing.

In any case, unless you live in San Francisco, "don't have a girlfriend" is not gonna give rise to the most awkward assumption :D

Burp 3 - Pakistani sweets
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Re: I tell people at work I have a girlfriend. But I don’t!

Be proud of your heritage yarr.. just think it this way that you will educate few people about this matter and remove some of confusions!!!

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Re: I tell people at work I have a girlfriend. But I don't!

You don't have to say that. You can say that there is a girl you like, and you're just friends with her at the moment. If you say you have a girlfriend, that also pops up numerous questions that are usually meant to be personal.

One thing I've learned the hard way - don't tell people at work about your personal life - like who you're dating etc etc. Keep things vague. I like what my friend says to other guys he works with - when they ask if he's got a girlfriend he says "I'm working on it". Its vague, and its not a TOTAL lie. :D

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Re: I tell people at work I have a girlfriend. But I don't!

y r u even talkin to ur coworkers bout ur personal life?

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Re: I tell people at work I have a girlfriend. But I don't!

Back in the UK , I was pretty open and extolled the virtues of arranged marriages with an attitude suggesting that it was the superior way to get things done.

The goras I worked generally said that they just couldn't understand my viewpoint, apart from one guy who said that he could perhaps see the advantage because he and his family completed hated the losers his sister would date and wished they could pick a more suitable kind of guy for her...

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Re: I tell people at work I have a girlfriend. But I don't!

I had a rough time dealing with thi sstuff (explaining my culture to ppl) and yeah it does get weary but if someone is asking, they're not trying to be rude.. but i still dun like talkin about it to ppl.. i dnno i just don't really care to explain unless there's a big misconception or myth that they bring up

Hi. This is new. Please, welcome ....
Hi. This is new. Please, welcome ....
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Re: I tell people at work I have a girlfriend. But I don’t!

I don’t mind telling people I’m single and then explaining the cultural aspects of dating. You will be surprised how many people are actually familiar with some parts of desi customs. I worked for a South African lawyer for the past year and he was so familiar with our cultural practices and even Hajj. :smiley: I didn’t have to go into details explaining anything to him, it was great.

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Re: I tell people at work I have a girlfriend. But I don't!

hmm..ive never had any issues with gora's asking me about arranged marriages. Its nothing to be ashamed of and what not.

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Re: I tell people at work I have a girlfriend. But I don't!

I just say don't find anyone worth dating :)
Funny thing is, they agree with me. They are betting with me that I will have it arranged .. I am saying, I ain't having one!

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Re: I tell people at work I have a girlfriend. But I don't!

My God, TDW, be very carefull with what you say! My friend did this too and it gave her so much trouble!

When she was married she didn't tell non Paki friends, she was married Islamicly when she was 18 and only about 6/7 months later did she finally marry in front of western law and finally it was registered.

She told friends she was just engaged instead of married, becuase she was too ashamed to say it was arranged and even more to admit it was her first cousin! They once had this discussion at school about marrying cousins and how that could increase the chance of having children with handicaps or disabled children. And often there would be discussions about arranged marriages during lunchbreaks and they would always critisize that too. She never knew what to say back and to some level she agreed with them.

So my friend told nobody about her own marriage until she was married in front of western law too. She told them she had been engaged for several months and then got married... She never told them it was arranged either, she wouldn't dare tell them it was her own cousin.

Later in life, this gave her a loooooot of trouble...

She had a very troubled marriage and when she got divorced, her so called non muslim 'friends' wanted her to date. They kept nagging her for not having a boy friend. Some even wanted to introduce her to guys they thought were perfect for her! When she kept saying no, they accused her of being a lesbian, astaghfiroullah!

So to avoid more trouble, she started to lie to them too, she told them she did have boyfriends, she would lie about having dates. It only got worse of course. Things got so out of hand, unbelievable. I wouldn't wish this kind of thing even on my biggest enemies.

TDW, never ever lie about having a girlfriend when you don't! Really, you can't even begin to imagine the kind of trouble it could bring. It's not worth it. Your colleagues aren't the ones your spending you life with, they aren't at your home, are they? They're just people you work with. Nothing more. Doesn't matter what they think. They really are not worth it.

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Re: I tell people at work I have a girlfriend. But I don't!

:D its okay anyone who would start hitting on me i would go i am mother of 2 kids :D and happily married. ....

i even picked name for my kids :D

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Re: I tell people at work I have a girlfriend. But I don’t!

I agree with most ppl here…y r u ashamed? The only way ur western friends will get rid of any misconceptions about our culture is if we (Asians) stand proud, and have the courage to tell them our side of how things really happen…plus, lieing is just gona get u in deeper problems…

As for the issue of y ur even discussing it with ur coworkers? I don’t think ur really even discussing it, that’s just how some coworkers are…nosy! I agree it’s best to say as little as possible…i never had much trouble, perhaps cos i’m quiet or wotever but it’s not only when ur single…after ur engaged or married they will still ask u questions (i find this happens more in America than in England)…like “So wot r u two up to this weekend?” and i’d be like “hmm, i duno yet we’ll see”…and then on Monday to answer the question " wot did u guys to this weekend?" i’d just say, “not much…it was nice though, thanks” then smile and politely move away…:blush:

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Re: I tell people at work I have a girlfriend. But I don’t!

I find most gorai Brits to be clueless about other people’s cultures. While dating is a way of life in their’s they just cannot understand why its frowned upon in ours. When you try explaining from the religious angle it gets all philosophical and complicated for them. Some of them might even feel intimitaded or feel we’re playing the holier than thou card by saying its wrong to mess about and we like to keep ourselves ‘clean’.

There are one or two desi girls at work that have had arranged marriages and thus far gorai have shown a somewhat puzzled face and its so hard to explain :frusty: One of my gora co-workers once had the hots for a muslim girl and could NOT understand why he had no chance in hell in dating her (real reason being him being an ugly fart). I had a tough time trying to explain a muslim girl can only be with a muslim guy and visa versa. They do respect our opinion and way of life but find it very hard to come to terms with.

la lala lala
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Re: I tell people at work I have a girlfriend. But I don’t!

Maybe, but i think they have more knowledge about Pakistani culture than the whites in the United States…