Re: "I still miss the first one- every now and then!"
She went nia I have everything from where you are standing or anyone else but as close as you get to me there is nothing in my marriage. She said: I am very happy he is the best husband one girl can possibly want. He takes care of me and our daughter. But you know nia I cannot have a conversation with me for no more than 5 mins. I want him to talk to me tell me what he wants let us od things together. But slowly and slowly we do live our own lives…
I know he loves me and I have fallen in love with the way he is but you know I still miss -------the other one every now and then and i do wonder how things could have been.
Ouch I wasn’t expecting a married woman to say this. She has been married for over 4 yrs at this point. It scars me…..
Your thought guys?
I'll speak from experience here....I think everyone goes through that phase in their marriage, but these are completely normal feelings, especially after so many years together. The trick is navigating through these feelings.
You know, I think she and and her husband are suffering from a little burn out. The truth is that once you get married and have a child, life becomes very busy and it becomes hard to talk to one another. Sometimes you're too tired, or have other things to do, or there's too many interruptions, etc. I would bet she's exhausted from taking care of the child and from doing all the housework and he's exhausted from working like a dog outside the home.
Her fantasizing about the other one kind of makes me think she's a bit immature. Many people do that--they put the first guy on a pedestal because they only remember the youthful, carefree times. Obviously it didn't work out with the first one for SOME reason. Who knows, maybe her life would have been five times worse if she married guy #1 and there's no point in playing the "what if" game. It doesn't solve anything. And incidentally, many gorian who do rekindle relationship with earlier boyfriends because of boredom in their marriage are bitterly disappointed with their lovers and end up destroying their marriages in the process.
I would suggest that she and her husband try to make it a point of trying to go out alone when they can (have a relative babysit the child). They should even try and take a vacation together. It really helps freshen up the environment in the home. Also, the both of them should try to do a bit of a lifestyle change. Maybe plan it so the baby sleeps earlier so they can have a few quiet hours alone each day. They can start working out or getting makeovers (I know this sounds crazy, but a little variety is always good, isn't it?). Even redecorate their bedroom. Whatever it takes to freshen up the "mahol" at home.
If that still doesn't help, maybe they can get some counselling.