In my opinion a MIL does not have the right to come and stay at her son's house for month's at a time, just for a holiday. I think it is very inconsiderate, especially if the DIL has plainly made it clear that she does not like having her around. Seriously, a month to two month's should be the max. what do you guys think? do your parents have the right to camp out at your home like this? Is it unreasonable of your wife to have a problem with it? For me personally, I will never do this and neither would my mum. So, I think my MIL has a lack of self respect for staying somewhere for such long periods of time where she knows she's not wanted. And what about this desi mentality that MILs never stay for long periods at their own daughters homes because they don't want to upset the husband. why doesn't the same courtsey and consideration extend to your DILs??
i now see why i get bashed on gs....you sound like me. wow. shoot me.
You say that you "made it clear" that you don't like her? To whom did you make this sentiment clear to? Your MIL? Or your husband?
I know it's easier said than done......and I can understand that it's natural to feel more comfortable living in your home without your MIL as that can come with the stress of taking care of another person and possibly feeling like you may be judged about how you do things. But try to look at this from your husband's point of view. It's a very awkward position for him to be in. He probably feels like he can't say to "no" to the woman who raised him......and must have felt annoyed and tired with him many times while raising him but didn't abandon or shut him out.
Why don't you like her? You only created a thread where you mentioned that she stinks and doesn't clean the bathroom. You even mentioned that she doesn't wear underwear. Pick and choose your battles. The underwear........is not your problem or headache. That's how she chooses to dress. And if anything..........it means that it's just ONE LESS thing for you to wash when it comes to laundry. In that thread.....suggestions were even given to you about how to manage the cleanliness and odor problems.
BUT apart from hygiene.....you never mentioned if she has an attitude problem. Does your MIL disrespect you? Is she manipulative? "I don't like her"......doesn't give us much to work with since you haven't provided reasons. It's a tough spot for your husband........you can't change the woman.........you can only change yourself and how you approach the matter. Pick and choose your battles......find ways of working around a problem......as opposed to only complaining. I know of women who live under the same roof as the in-laws on a permanent basis. You're not in that situation.
In my opinion a MIL does not have the right to come and stay at her son's house for month's at a time, just for a holiday. I think it is very inconsiderate, especially if the DIL has plainly made it clear that she does not like having her around. Seriously, a month to two month's should be the max. what do you guys think? do your parents have the right to camp out at your home like this? Is it unreasonable of your wife to have a problem with it? For me personally, I will never do this and neither would my mum. So, I think my MIL has a lack of self respect for staying somewhere for such long periods of time where she knows she's not wanted. And what about this desi mentality that MILs never stay for long periods at their own daughters homes because they don't want to upset the husband. why doesn't the same courtsey and consideration extend to your DILs??
Even though I'm against joint families....I'm against parents (whether the husband's or wife's) staying with their married children unless it's necessary....I totally disagree with your sentiment. I don't think there's anything wrong with a mother visiting their married children for a month or 2. But I guess its easy for me to say b/c I know that my parents would never visit me for that long. I'm blessed with a SO whose parents don't do this either. My SO's older brother has been married for 7 years....his parents visit him for 1-week at at time several times a year, and they usually take a week-long vacation 1x/year. So I expect that behavior to continue with their 2nd son. But to be honest, I get along very well with his parents and even when I visit/stay in their house, they show me plenty of respect and make sure I have plenty of privacy. So even if they visit for a month or 2, it wouldn't bother me.
I'm curious about a few things:
1) The MIL staying for "months" with the son....well how often does this happen? Does the MIL come over every single year or even few months and stay for months? Or is this a "once in a few years" type of deal? I have a cousin that lives in Canada and her in-laws live "back home". But her in-laws visit every 2 years or so and when they do come over, they stay for 2-3 months.
2) Why does the DIL not like having the MIL around? Is the MIL disrespectful towards the DIL? Does the MIL try to run the house and undermine DIL's role as wife and mother (if there are kids)?
3) Where's the FIL? Is the MIL a widow or does she leave the FIL alone while she's with her son?
In my opinion a MIL does not have the right to come and stay at her son's house for month's at a time, just for a holiday. I think it is very inconsiderate, especially if the DIL has plainly made it clear that she does not like having her around. Seriously, a month to two month's should be the max. what do you guys think? do your parents have the right to camp out at your home like this? Is it unreasonable of your wife to have a problem with it? For me personally, I will never do this and neither would my mum. So, I think my MIL has a lack of self respect for staying somewhere for such long periods of time where she knows she's not wanted. And what about this desi mentality that MILs never stay for long periods at their own daughters homes because they don't want to upset the husband. why doesn't the same courtsey and consideration extend to your DILs??
Your MIL seems like she has no dignity whatsoever. it seems like you and ur mother in law dont get along at all. in this scenario, its really pathetic of her to come stay at your house for months when she knws that she is unwanted. just ignore her totally when she comes and she should get the hint and leave soon.
i now see why i get bashed on gs....you sound like me. wow. shoot me.
LOL. As the saying goes...."Dair aaye daroost aaye."
To much picking apart of things and complaining eventually drains oneself and others. I think we've all been on the the giving and receiving end of this equation.
In my opinion a MIL does not have the right to come and stay at her son's house for month's at a time, just for a holiday. I think it is very inconsiderate, especially if the DIL has plainly made it clear that she does not like having her around. Seriously, a month to two month's should be the max. what do you guys think? do your parents have the right to camp out at your home like this? Is it unreasonable of your wife to have a problem with it? For me personally, I will never do this and neither would my mum. So, I think my MIL has a lack of self respect for staying somewhere for such long periods of time where she knows she's not wanted. And what about this desi mentality that MILs never stay for long periods at their own daughters homes because they don't want to upset the husband. why doesn't the same courtsey and consideration extend to your DILs??
Hmmm I agree with Mabrook's post and would just add that by the will of Allah you have married your MIL's son otherwise I don't think she would have visited you. She is not living in YOUR HOUSE she is living in her SON'S HOUSE. Kuch to right hai unka apnay betay par ? and she is not going to live with you for forever please out of courtesy , out of respect for elders, out of love for islam which teaches us to be kind with guests bear with her for a few more days and be kind with her.
I don't think it's a matter of self respect ....nope not at all.
**** me! I really really hope these mental cases like ajuba and missty are mere trolls. If this is how our ladies think, then its back to the caveman days - keep her tied up, she makes the grub and gets fed twice daily, and if she is out of order she gets sorted out with a massive sota. Thats how we gon’ roll baby.
***I have to agree with the guys on this one...............Are you for Real ?????
I know there are always MIL/DIL issues but denying a Mother to see her Son ???????? Where did U grow Up ? How would you feel if your husband refused to let your Mother through the door ???? ***
You know what's Ironic though............THESE girls actually get guys to marry them AND pander to their whims !!!!***
Mother and wife have their own values. Give it a pause and think same about your own kids when they grow up. Wise husbands keep both of them happy. I would control my wife and mothers mind with lies, to keep them together for some time. It's JAIZ.
OMG not another by ajuba, girl seriously you need counselling or something.
I think if your MIL is not jaado tona type, or comes and gets fights started between you and your husband or beats up and stuff, or trying to break your marriage apart etc then its ok to have her over for long time.
IMO MILs can be irritating sometimes, so can DIL. She is your husbands’ mother and has every right to come as she likes. Put yourself in her shoes and see if you willike this kind of atitude from your DIL/SILs etc.
GS really has succesfully revealed less than desirable side of some of the ppl here.
whats scary is these kinda girls will give birth to daughters and poison their minds with their own mentality and those daughters will grow up to be just like them… and i got a son… its a scary world out there for the mother of a son .. gotta admit man .. scary!
who says larkio kay naseeb achay kare allay.. i feel like asking for a good naseeb for my son!
I would love to have my MIL and FIL to come and stay with us for as long as they want. Ive stayed with them and its so much fun. Its so nice living with older people they are a blessing. My husband is a very kind hearted, caring and lovely person with very good manners.....and I give all the credit to his parents....because they are the ones who have brought him up in this way.
I cant believe these women who are so horrible to their MIL and FIL.....if it wasnt for them....your husband wouldnt even be in this world. Today you're being like that with your in-laws....how would you feel when 20 years in the future....your own daughter-in-law behaves like that with you and doesnt want you to live in the house where YOUR son lives....how would that feel?
you should never hurt anyone like that.....especially not our elders.....we should be grateful to them for everything....whether its our own parents or our husbands. Instead of looking for your own happiness, you should look to make others happy too and you will find a greater happiness in that.
Your MIL seems like she has no dignity whatsoever. it seems like you and ur mother in law dont get along at all. in this scenario, its really pathetic of her to come stay at your house for months when she knws that she is unwanted. just ignore her totally when she comes and she should get the hint and leave soon.
how rude! what goes round comes round.....so give me an honest answer now: how would you feel if your own sons wife did that to you?
Stop commenting as if it’s only guys who are objecting to this kind of mentality. If you read through you’ll see mostly women. By making such casual and sweeping claims you turn every discussion into some idiotic men vs women commentary. Don’t you people get tired of it?
Stop commenting as if it’s only guys who are objecting to this kind of mentality. If you read through you’ll see mostly women. By making such casual and sweeping claims you turn every discussion into some idiotic men vs women commentary. Don’t you people get tired of it?
I have not read all the posts here, all I say is that May Allah guide us all. No one is perfect, we all make mistakes, Allah guide us to be good muslims and inshallah everything else will fall into place. No need for such discussions.
I really really hope these mental cases like ajuba and missty are mere trolls. If this is how our ladies think, then its back to the caveman days - keep her tied up, she makes the grub and gets fed twice daily, and if she is out of order she gets sorted out with a massive sota. Thats how we gon’ roll baby.
