I see this as a lack of self respect

[Paheli00]

Re: I see this as a lack of self respect

@ajuba

In my opinion a MIL does not have the right to come and stay at her son’s house for month’s at a time, just for a holiday. I think it is very inconsiderate, especially if the DIL has plainly made it clear that she does not like having her around. Seriously, a month to two month’s should be the max. what do you guys think? do your parents have the right to camp out at your home like this? Is it unreasonable of your wife to have a problem with it? For me personally, I will never do this and neither would my mum. So, I think my MIL has a lack of self respect for staying somewhere for such long periods of time where she knows she’s not wanted. And what about this desi mentality that MILs never stay for long periods at their own daughters homes because they don’t want to upset the husband. why doesn’t the same courtsey and consideration extend to your DILs??

Even though I’m against joint families…I’m against parents (whether the husband’s or wife’s) staying with their married children unless it’s necessary…I totally disagree with your sentiment. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a mother visiting their married children for a month or 2. But I guess its easy for me to say b/c I know that my parents would never visit me for that long. I’m blessed with a SO whose parents don’t do this either. My SO’s older brother has been married for 7 years…his parents visit him for 1-week at at time several times a year, and they usually take a week-long vacation 1x/year. So I expect that behavior to continue with their 2nd son. But to be honest, I get along very well with his parents and even when I visit/stay in their house, they show me plenty of respect and make sure I have plenty of privacy. So even if they visit for a month or 2, it wouldn’t bother me.

I’m curious about a few things:

1. The MIL staying for “months” with the son…well how often does this happen? Does the MIL come over every single year or even few months and stay for months? Or is this a “once in a few years” type of deal? I have a cousin that lives in Canada and her in-laws live “back home”. But her in-laws visit every 2 years or so and when they do come over, they stay for 2-3 months.

2. Why does the DIL not like having the MIL around? Is the MIL disrespectful towards the DIL? Does the MIL try to run the house and undermine DIL’s role as wife and mother (if there are kids)?

3. Where’s the FIL? Is the MIL a widow or does she leave the FIL alone while she’s with her son?