I screwed up big time

Lifestyle Relationships
1

Great forum guys!! Kudos to the team and all the members! More power and keep it up!

I am looking for some help in understanding my state of mind. I have been quite delusional for some time now and have lost touch with the real world. My currrent thought patterns have paralysed me, almost literally. I mean I am physically healthy and everything but it’s something in my head that is preventing me from doing what a normal man in his late 20s should be doing (focusing on his career, life, stable finances, marriage planning, home etc.). But somehow I have managed to put a stop on all that.

Most of my life I have been something of an overachiever, a positive motivational influence on my friends and others. But I have lost all that too early in my life. The purpose of life that once was very clear is now faded and is hardly any appealing. Everything in the world feels so senseless and predictable; the rat race, family and work politics, relationships … everything!

However, in the back of my head I know that such thoughts are messed up and the damage they are causing at this crucial stage of my life is way more than it appears, but those thoughts have such a strong base in my head that I can’t reason with them, let alone win the argument. I have really shocked myself with this attitude because I was never anywhere close to being this.

For those who are willing to read, I am giving you guys a bit of my background so you can understand my situation a little better and may be able to see if there are any emotional scars or psychological issues rooted deep down in the past that might be holding me back

I don’t have a victim mentality and don’t see myself as one. I know there are millions of people in worse situations. I am not blaming my parents or siblings for anything. I do accept my responsibility. Infact, I am very grateful for coming this far in life and enjoying so much of God’s blessings.

I just want to know your people’s stories or someone you know who went through something like this. Have you seen people in their late 20s started from scratch and made it big? in how much time? How about the relational and spiritual areas of one’s life. Any success stories of the people you know?

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Re: I screwed up big time

what you need is a year's vacation, nothing like a little adventure to bring bliss to your life.

Talking Pictures/funny memes
Talking Pictures/funny memes
Talking Pictures/funny memes
Talking Pictures/funny memes
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Re: I screwed up big time

Even if we were to write a hundred success stories for you, how would they impact you?

You appear to be well aware of the problems that exist in your life. Reading about others in similar circumstances that made it big may provide you with some short-term encouragement but how will they help you in the long run? I am curous to know what you hope to achieve from this thread.........

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BTW where did the money go???

And what is "making big"..

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Have you taken to abusing any drugs? Any risky behaviors that don't correspond to your personality? Do you have "ups" and "downs" in terms of your mood? Do you find yourself doing crazy things for like a week, and your friends telling you that you did crazy things that you don't remember?

There may be an underlying personality disorder, and at worse, a psychiatric illness. Your speech is clear, your thoughts are organized, so I wouldn't say it is something as severe as schizophrenia.

You may want to seek help with a therapist or a psychiatrist, though. This could be the beginnings of a psychiatric illness. Which are MEDICAL illnesses and require medicines to help.

Otherwise, as to answer your last question - of course, you can make yourself big from scratch. Lots of people have done it.

I myself was a messed up twit back in college and pretty much lost control of my life for a year or two. No drugs, or anything. It was just a series of unfortunate events and it was too much for me to take. I took a break from things and went into teaching for a bit which provided some stable income and time for me to re-group and re-organize.

Maybe you need to change your line of work. Get some hobbies.

The information you give is vague. I don't know any details over why you're having fights with family and friends, but you need to ask why you are getting angry at them?

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Re: I screwed up big time

Shaah

parents not understanding or appreciating things their kids do is pretty common. Some don't get it, some don't really understand it's importance and some don't know how to show support.

That being said. You need to deal with your baggage. There are some deep seated issues that I doubt anyone here can help you solve, a good counselor on the other hand could prove invaluable.

As far as starting in late 20s and doing well, there are many cases.actually you will find a much larger number of ppl than you think. Many ppl who came to US and put themselves through school graduated around 22-24 years age, many with large debts, work a couple of years go for masters many times suppoting or supplementing family support back home and finishing their masters at 26-28 years age. Often with zero assets,zero or minimal savings etc. And they do well. You can too. A few years don't matter.. You are notcompeting with who did how well at what age, only competition you should have is your idea of what you can accomplish and see if youcan reach or exceed that, and even if you don't just trying willtake you far higher than you would gobeing aimless and self doubting.

As far as your argument with your brother, it's not all your fault or maybe none of it is. He is a grown up and bothof you need to treat each other as such. Tempers get in the way so talk to him calmly, or even write a letter, noting that you guys don't have to be in full agreement to offer each other support. If he can't change his ways or behavior towards you then don't let it deter you from your goals. You cant change how he behaves or what he says but you can control how you react and engage in that.

Btw let me guess, his big issue is that you are not lending a hand in family support, and basically your education and all that the parents helped with is giving back nothing? Let me also guess, does he live in your parents house?

I may be completely wrong here but it does bear striking similarities to a couple of situations I have witnessed

As far as credit goes, talk to lenders make a plan and start chipping away at it.

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Re: I screwed up big time

-simple.
you lack peace in your life.
your comfort lies in others smile.

so put a smile on their face :cheegum:

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Re: I screwed up big time

Zobia- put a smile on my face, send me some habshi halwa..

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Re: I screwed up big time

wasay...i suppose to send u my movli-list before eid. chalain next time sahi..

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Re: I screwed up big time

first of all you got to get yourself out of the guilt spiral, the moment you come out of that and actually put an effort towards fixing the problem you will start feeling better, secondly I would suggest patchup with your brother and i am sure that will make you feel a lot better.

Good Luck !!

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Re: I screwed up big time

*Orpheus, *
It's been like a vacation for far more than a year. I don't see no bliss.

*Muzna, *

Yes I am aware of all my problems, yet sitting paralysed. I wish our mind was not such a complex mechanism.

*PyariCgudia, *

I never had any drugs or alcohol problem. My delaying and keeping away from getting a field job, when everyone was getting in right after graduation, can be considered a risky behavior. Yes, mood swings b/w hopelessness and contentment are daily occurrences. Crazy things I did and didn't remember, never been told that.

About job and changing line of work: I don't want to offend any of you hardworking people but this whole rate race thing, work politics, being fake at work and all the littlest things about it gets on my nerves.

Family and friends: well I love my parents, have nothing against them. There is just this sibling thing which I think I can live without. Some of the friends were really toxic in the true sense of the word, so I had to let go of them. The rest were very good and successful and I just could not show them this weakest and emotionally torn apart side of me, and didn't want them to do the guess work either, so I let go of them too as soon as they started getting the hints of my this state of mind.

Things are probably that big just in my head and not in reality. But yeah this thread is yet another try to figure out the whys.

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Re: I screwed up big time

The things you mentioned about your parents not appreciating your achievements and emotionally blackmaling you, bring you down,,etc.. it happens all the time. In fact it's happening right now with me :D no biggie bro, it's just their mentality.

anyway, I can't really give you any advice cuz im in my early 20s.. as far as your whole concern with the rat race..etc,, find a job you love to do, it doesn't have to be a high paying job, just do it for some time, get your mind straight, pay off your debts, find a hobby, join the gym, live YOUR life.

and as for the relationship with your brother, maybe others can share their personal stories you can learn from..

Hidden powers back in the game
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Re: I screwed up big time

X2,

About parents not understanding, yes I agree. I just gave that as a background. I have nothing against them. I love them to bits.

About patching up with brother, I don't see that happening. Because that is something no one in the family could understand. Every attempt at making things better made it even worse over so many years. When the trouble goes as far back in the childhood as you can remember, then you know that there are some unknown forces (that we can't control) influencing all this.

And you are not that far off about your guesses, money comes in that equation but not in that direct manner.

I would like to hear more about these people's motivations (other than the usual pressure of marriage, starting a family, finances, assisting families, home, comfort etc) behind all their hardwork.

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Re: I screwed up big time

Monk,

it went to family, school fee, some fun and later on to my slackness. It sucks I know!

zobia,

you must be kidding me, right? You can't make everyone happy and put a smile on their faces. You don't remain "you", you become people pleaser and that is .......

kaun.

yupp! it's a big spiral. how to get out of it?

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Re: I screwed up big time

There are careers, where you don't really need to be involved in a rat race. Find a hobby you love, and make it into a career.

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I understand. as far as your bro goes, you know what, you should have a clean conscience. do what you think is right even if there is no reciprocity in his approach, and well dont do it to your detriment, but be assured in knowing that you are doing what is right. Dont let your brothers misgivings, complexes, and what nots impact what you can accomplish. There can be a hodgepodge of things there, you being in late 20s probably puts in in 30's, and he may be lashing out against you because previous jealousy and possible current lack of satisfaction ion what he is doing is making you a scapegoat, people are strange that way, and this is what i noticed with a pal of mine. In his case it was actually more nefarious, brother essentially wanted to tale over the family house and created a big mess and major fight, estranged younger brother from parents and all, got the house..dunno maybe I am reading too much into similarities here.

every person has different motivations for success, thirst for knowledge, challenging their limits, being the best, proving everyone including themselves wrong, proving themselves right, a passion for a field..list goes on.

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no, this approach will make you insaan. nothing is impossible!

your problem is you are scared to take any step. you over think and over stress yourself to a limit that not only your started considering yourself a philosopher, but also turning into a total loser.

End of the past?
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Re: I screwed up big time

don't rely on success stories to keep your hopes up. just because it's happened with someone else, doesn't mean it'll happen with you and just because it hasn't happened with anyone else doesn't mean it won't happen with you. your life will become what you make of it. work hard and you will find success inshallah.

the family and financial issues you're facing sound pretty common but what caught my eye is that your spiritual connection with God isn't there anymore. i found that truly shocking, especially considering your background. this can be on of the reasons you don't have peace of mind. i can assure you'll be a much happier person once your faith is restored. and i also believe that you need some good friends in your life. you need an actual person you can share your problems and other personal matters with.

End of the past?
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I agree with Zobia, it is nothing more then mental block stopping you. A bit of courage and careful planning could help you get over all of these issues.

Good luck may Alllah bless you.

20

There! you got it.

See how predictable we humans are.