I have come across people who use different words as a “Takya-e-Kalaam” (habit) in their daily life speech but when asked about it, they say, " I don’t actually mean it"
A lot of them use abusive words in their mother tongue when angry, which I don’t want to mention here. Most of the people here might already know them.
Years ago I came across a stunning news about a mother and a daughter in Pakistan who used to argue a lot in daily life matters. Usually with the intention of finishing the argument the mother used to say in frustration, Ya tu marja ya mujhey mar de " Either you die or kill me"
Once when the mother used this sentence at the peak of a harsh argument, the daughter quietly and slowly went upstairs to her room. When after some time the mother felt guilty and went upstairs to talk to her daughter to cool down the situation, she saw her daughter hanging with the fan with her tongue outside (It was really painful as the journalist of the newspaper had also posted her picture in the hanging position, which he should have not done)
I wondered at that time how the mother would live the rest of her life with the guilt of killing her daughter with the habit of wrong selection of words to finish the harsh arguments.
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A lot of them use abusive words in their mother tongue when angry, which I don't want to mention here. Most of the people here might already know them.
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It all depends. Obviously I could never dream of using any to my elders but I DO when arguing with my brother for instance. A word is just that; a word and when using it against my brother or a cousin during an argument I would NEVER ever mean it.
This was the last straw , they had years of dysfunctional relationship behind this act of her daughter. They are both to be blamed equally for bringing it to this point.
A duaia , meaningless, or funny takia a kalam is better than abusive one.
mother is not to blame. daughter was simply stupid.
:).......I totally disagree.........Not True at all........if we think back in time........what utterances our parents make while speaking to us..........we DO NOT FORGET..........Kind Words or Harsh Words.........and same goes for children......
Bad Language has many Tragic Consequenses.......Do Not Kid yourself......:(
SindSagar, people also forget our parents love us the most in the world (at least most do) hence there are things said in anger that shouldn't be taken to heart.
[QUOTE] Bad Language has many Tragic Consequenses.
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SindSagar, people also forget our parents love us the most in the world (at least most do) hence there are things said in anger that shouldn't be taken to heart.
For over-sensitive people yeah it does..
Indeed they do love , but love should not lead to abuse verbal or physical , love should lead to more love.
i dont get people who claim to 'say things but dont mean it'. my mum says **** to me all the time and then apologises after. words hurt though, and always stick with you. i'm not saying i hate my mum, but some of the things shes come out with during arguments really just plain hurt and i wont ever forget her saying them. if you dont mean it, then why say it? every argument i've had with her (may i add, shes a very over protective/ over bearing/ nosey/ unreasonable mother) which is a lot, end with her saying 'i always used to pray for a daughter, but not one like you, i wish i'd never had you...'
^ Sister, it is your personal matter and non of my business, but I hope you would not mind my words considering the fact that it is a sincere opinion from a Muslim brother.
I used to feel exactly the same as you do when in childhood I used to argue a lot with my mom. BUT then what happened had a huge impact on my life.
One of my friend's mom suddenly died. Me and my friend were only 12 years old at that time. When he used to come to school in the morning he had dark circles around his blood red eyes. He used to be so lost in his thoughts that at times the teacher got irritated. He was not aware of his surroundings. I came to know from people who met his brother that every night when his family members go to bed, he quietly wakes up, sit on the prayer mat and start begging Allah (s.w.t) to bring back his mom. He promises Allah every night that he would never ever argue with his mom again. He would accept everything she says and everything she wants him to do. He only wants to say sorry to her for all the pain she had to go through because of him, but he could not get any chance to serve her, but only gave her disobedience in return...
He used to advise his friends to NEVER EVER argue with parents no matter whatever they say, because those arguments would hurt a lot after they die...
Few months after his mother's death, his prayers were finally accepted when a motor bike crashed into him while he was riding his bike, and finally he met his mother...
Most of the time I say words to but I don't mean that so do I have to stop???
Sister, I understand that our intentions are not bad but at times in emotions we get a bit carried away and say something or select words which when we look back later with a cool mind, we realize that we actually did not mean to say that. I also used to feel like that a lot of times. But there is a good aspect of it. Such experiences help us in learning from our mistakes and make correction in our way of thinking. No one is perfect, we all are humans and make mistakes. The important quality in you which people like me lack is that you are willing to learn and correct your mistakes and sincerely improve.
I pray to Allah (s.w.t) to bless me with the same quality that you have. Ameen.
A scholar mentioned that according to a hadith the prophet (saw) held the curtain of haram (Ka'aba) and said, Indeed, you are of great honor and respect, but the honor of one believing person is even more than you.
But still we Muslims nowadays don't realize that while mentioning someone else's faults in our discussions, how much we try to disgrace a person we dislike.
May Allah (swt) bless us all towards the right path.
Mr Submission u r absolutly right inyour excellent lesson giving post and coments.
But i am appaled at the people who are taunting a past away person.
Obvisuly it wasnt the right action to do. But u must blame the mum aswel, for syaing sucha bad and hurtful thing evry time. That girls pschy could have been really damaged by it, whcih eventually forced her to quit.
and the mum gave her bad-dua evrytime. It had to come true.
parents do love kids, and vic versa. But every body shud watch thier choice of words, especially at sensitive moments.
a bad-ua is a bad-dua, so u shud control ur tongue.
and whatever hapned to the girl or her ahead, that is between Allah and her.
u shud be ashamed of yourself taunting a past away person.
and before you judge, know one more thing.
the person who is not in his sanity he is not accounteble to Allah until he regains his sanity.
We dont know what situation the many of the people r who commit suicide.