I said no to marriage with my cousin - and getting emotional blackmail....

[chunyan]

re: I said no to marriage with my cousin - and getting emotional blackmail…

@redvelvet

What is so respecftful about forcing your child to get married to someone who is vastly different from you…whom you find neither attractive nor compatible. Have you tried telling your parents about the more long term and severe consequences that would result from the marriage (divorce, etc)?

They’re blackmailing you because they want you to fulfill their wishes and also because they want to be able to “keep face” in the family.

Lol, parents often use the “gunnah for disobedience to parents” point…but I wonder if perhaps we get sawab/reward for persisting against something that we know is not acceptable in Islam (in this case, a forced marriage).

You can vent all you want about the double standards of desi society, but it’ll get you nowhere. The thing that will be more effective for you is to take some concrete action. If your parents still don’t get it…ask them “So, would you like me to accompany you to Pakistan so that I can say NO in front of the whole family…so that I can tell my cousin and his parents all the reasons why I find him incompatible. Would that make everyone feel better.”

^If they’re blackmailing you, play them at their own game. Tell em “Look…we can either break this rishta off in a civil manner…or I can reject him in front of everyone in Pakistan and turn this all into a tamasha that everyone will remember.”

***They may threaten to kick you out of the house, but that’s an empty threat. Most desi parents would be to conscious of their reputations and what people would say if they actually did kick their daugther out. There would be toooo many questions to answer. So, it’s an empty threat. And if they do carry it out…if you work and are independent…you can even find a way to manage on your own. I doubt that they’d be angry forever.

Also…tell your cousin directly that you don’t want to marry him. TELL HIS PARENTS you don’t want to marry him. I don’t understand why desi girls in your situation don’t try this strategy out. I would imagine that the guy and his family would have eoough self-respect to back out of the rishta rather than puruse a girl who had the audacity to reject them.

marriage and death,tell you parents,you give them choice!
you blackmaril them too.