Rizla - no - I haven't they made sure I chose a uni which I could commute to. As a unmarried women apparently - I should not be left alone - My mothers words. She was like its girls like you that speak back to parents and have no respect for them. I was like WHAT - if I get work whats the big deal? I have been made redundant - sitting at home for months - they should be happy I may have found work. Not treat me like the spawn of well
I think your parents never should have migrated to the UK in the first place if they didn't want their kids getting independent. Funny how despite spending all these years there, the gaon mentality never changes.
O.MG. My dad tried this with my brother, and he told him ON HIS FACE, that if he went ahead with it, he’ll refuse in front of everyone and then my dad won’t have anything to save face. Thankfully he relented. phew.
Mirch - was hoping for the reverse with the Umrah trip - surely Allah thallah's house will open their minds.
Yeah I know they are abusive - trying to bear the brunt of it. Surely with patience comes reward.
Sadly, from having read other posts by you, i dont think umrah would change your parents. they sound like they are very much stuck in their opinions and thoughts,like they know best ALL the time, their mentality wont change from umrah. Don't waste your money!
Stay strong, do everything you must to staying in the UK and know that everyone here is thinking of you xxx
I remember reading your previous posts regarding the pressure you were/are under to marry your cousin and your fears of what MAY happen if you actually went to Pakistan. I will repeat what I wrote on the previous thread. Do NOT go to Pakistan. Stay in UK.
Now as for your current dilemma.....it's just emotional blackmail. You know this. You know that this is just another tactic from your parents side to make you feel guilty into travelling to Pakistan. And once there....you're 100% at your parents mercy.
Since you're not willing to move out and live on your own (which you're capable of doing at 28)....and if you're still not willing to marry your cousin....there your only option at this point is to just put up with the emotional blackmail and fight against it. It'll be extremely difficult....but not impossible. Whatever you do, do NOT leave UK.
Don’t go to Pakistan, other than that, just ride it out. I repeat what I said in your other thread, tell them you’re seeing Diwana and send your parents on a wild goose chase after him. That should buy you 4 weeks.
You got this far didn't you? They agreed that you didn't have to go to Pakistan. Now stay persistent, your almost there. Lock yourself up if you have to. Your parents aren't physically abusive are they?
If they're acting this crazy now I don't think they'd have any intention of accepting a 'no' from u once you're in Pakistan, imo they'd prob count on the rest of the family, uncles, aunties etc. bullying u into agreeing to the marriage..
I've read your entire story from the very beginning, and have kept updated on the happening. I just have a few things to say.
First, you're a 28 year old woman. Forget the woman part. You're a 28 year old. In our world, a 28 year old is expected to be able to stand on their own two feet. Which brings me to the next point. On one hand, you're rejecting the rishta and are refusing to go to Pakistan. And on the other hand, you're being completely obedient when it comes to not meeting your friends, staying with some aunt, not having a social life etc etc. Either be completely rebelious, or be completely obedient. There are no two ways around it. You've been working since, what? Let's assume 25 years. You haven't managed to save enough money for yourself so that you can live at a 3 star hotel, or get yourself an apartment, or even room with some friend? There are ways out. You just aren't willing to accept those ways out. Similarly, as a grown up, you can choose your own partner. If you a 20 year old can do it, why can't you? Clearly you're not ok with what your parents are bringing forth, and clearly you're not going to be ok with it ever, and clearly, you're acting upon you rebelious-I'm-a-modern-woman side, then might as well find your own partner and parents be damned.
Parents can use as many guilt trips as they want but as a grown up, you have every right, and heck, means to get out of their guilt trips. If you were a 20 year old, I might have had more sympathy for you.
I can’t relate to marriage, but I know of a family where the father bought a house close to his oldest daughter’s university so she could live “at home” and he used to sleep there often. Total overkill if you ask me if these pendus knew how people are brought up in the west when parents aren’t around.
And if you want to go have fun in Pakistan, then do but please say your goodbyes here since you might not come back without the cousin. I still don’t get this forced cousin marriage attitude when there has been so much infamous publicity associated with it in the west. You should have made plans to live independently and be ready to put your foot down.
