I thought I was home-safe. My parents were going it alone to Pakistan - and my aunt was staying as she is off sick from work.
And I would be staying with her - as I have interviews coming up and I may be getting a job. That was my excuse to avoid a unwanted marriage to a cousin in Pakistan - which I have said no to multiple times.
NOW - shes (AUNT) decided she doesn’t care if work check up on her- which according to me may lead to legal action if they find out, that shes going abroad on holiday for 4 weeks. After taking time off sick. She is sick - shes not lying about that - and has a sick note and everything. Been to hospital a few times had IV’s, drips, etc.
My parents are saying why can’t you go to these interviews and tell them you will start in 4 weeks - and they will wait if they want you. No they won’t. Whos gonna wait for 4 weeks. That would be very rare and I am not that highly skilled for them to wait forever for me.
And they are like well you shouldn’t be staying here you are not married (theres no other family near I can stay with, etc, they have forbidden all contact with friends. My family are very introvert - which could explain their extreme views and traditional desi hardcore ways)
In short - good luck me. I am like Head-Wall
I was praying for a miracle and I was happy I got to stay. And now this!
I thought I was home-safe. My parents were going it alone to Pakistan - and my aunt was staying as she is off sick from work.
And I would be staying with her - as I have interviews coming up and I may be getting a job. That was my excuse to avoid a unwanted marriage to a cousin in Pakistan - which I have said no to multiple times.
NOW - shes (AUNT) decided she doesn't care if work check up on her- which according to me may lead to legal action if they find out, that shes going abroad on holiday for 4 weeks. After taking time off sick. She is sick - shes not lying about that - and has a sick note and everything. Been to hospital a few times had IV's, drips, etc.
My parents are saying why can't you go to these interviews and tell them you will start in 4 weeks - and they will wait if they want you. No they won't. Whos gonna wait for 4 weeks. That would be very rare and I am not that highly skilled for them to wait forever for me.
And they are like well you shouldn't be staying here you are not married (theres no other family near I can stay with, etc, they have forbidden all contact with friends. My family are very introvert - which could explain their extreme views and traditional desi hardcore ways)
In short - good luck me. I am like Head-Wall
I was praying for a miracle and I was happy I got to stay. And now this!
I was wondering that by any chance your father use to teach NS and Zardari???
LOL That made me laugh - I know they've got me. Runs screaming for the hills. I am in a state of panic. Just trying calm myself down. I know I need sit my mum down at some point and tell her no means no and it will still apply out there - but I am not sure if she will understand.
I told her I wasn't going - few days back and now this. Its ridiculous. I feel like I am playing some sort crazy game like pac-man and the computer is more cleverer than me and has anticipated my every move.
That's crazy. You're like 28 right? In short a legal adult (by a long way) and someone who is perfectly capable of living alone for a month. You need to tell your parents that. Haven't you ever spent time living away from home at college or university before?
if i was you i would have simply worked out a deal in exchange for me going to pakistan.........like yes i am willing to marry and i am willing to meet the guy you have chosen for me but if i dont like him i wont marry him and i think this way it wont be a power struggle between me and them
Rizla - no - I haven’t they made sure I chose a uni which I could commute to. As a unmarried women apparently - I should not be left alone - My mothers words. She was like its girls like you that speak back to parents and have no respect for them. I was like WHAT - if I get work whats the big deal? I have been made redundant - sitting at home for months - they should be happy I may have found work. Not treat me like the spawn of well
I don’t understand why I have to go - it will be very humilating for me and them - that I will have turn around and say no to my cousin, and they have already shown themselves to be very hostile. Not only that it will be degrading as I have said it so many times here. I don’t get it.
Reidi - if I said yes I agree to marrying this guy - they would take it as a yes. They wouldn't get that I would need see him and even say no for an answer. They went out today and I was going to ring him and tell him its a clear no. But I know that will get me in lots of trouble. I know the phone they use etc.
I might do this though in the coming days - as I clearly have no choice. They would be like why is it a no - what is wrong with him, hes amazing, his father died and hes looking after the entire family, hes amazing, hes this, hes that. When he goes to the loo - out come golden eggs.
Sorry I am at my tethers end. I had ring the forced marriage unit today. And they told me send particulars to a friend. So you can't even send anything to them directly.
I have been Reidi. I think I will stay here regardless - I mean its the UK. I feel I can stay here alone. I drive, I am independant. They need realise that I am not a child and this will be the ultimate test. But I know they won't let me stay alone - they will blackmail me until I go.
When I said I didn't want go - they didn't talk about my cousin per se - but they were like other peoples daughters keep their parents izaat and marry where they tell them to. And thats why there duas are with them. Even now aunts going and mums becoming hostile again. With her comments and moods.
I know - they don't understand its like trying to get a cave man to understand Einsteins theory of relativity and his only vocabulary is UGG UGG.
I know thats terrible to say about parents - but there is a clear lack of knowledge or understanding - or something here. I am trying to arrange for them to go Umrah soon - as a surprise. I want them to be more understanding and down to earth. Not hostile angry hating people.
I second that. In US kids call department of social services against abusive parents, cant you do that in UK ?
thank you...ab vahaN itne desi haiN k unke liye ek nayaa moHakma banaa hogaa...moHakma-e-tiflaan-e-bhagoRii/bhagoRaa :D
Ahh - yeah. I was hoping aunt would stay, I could stay. And thats that. I didn't want to do anything extreme or out there - but I am starting to think I may not have a choice. Ok Not starting to think LOL thats a joke - I know I have do something.
Yeah but I am not a kid! LOL I do sound and look like one - and people treat me like one. But its not the case. LOL.
I know , all 28 year old Pakistani women look like and behave like a teenager. That was not the point. The point is , they are abusive parents and using emotional black mail tactics , which are in use in many desi expatriate families. You have many options to deal with the issues.
I am trying to arrange for them to go Umrah soon - as a surprise. I want them to be more understanding and down to earth. Not hostile angry hating people.
Umarah is not going to change their desi mentality it might make them implement their value set on you more vigorously.
