I need help, advice.

[xyraxyra123]

Re: I need help, advice.

@Sasha21

Did u read what she said about someone else’s son who went back to Pakistan. He became a drug addict and womanizer. I think it’s logical for OP to assume tht her son is not mature enough and doesn’t want him to be influenced negatively by the wadera/zameendaar culture and also the immense wealth to go to his head. With grown kids they’re intimidating her with 2nd wife, that too with the fact that she’s the only one with sons. Imagine what they’d do if she as the outsider bahu had only daughters. They would’ve had a bahu imported from Pakistan a long time back.
Anyway, op I can’t think of anything other than keep ur husband on the same page as u, don’t let him get influenced by his parents. And also keep having talks with ur son about the negatives of that culture. I think OP would have no problem with them visiting Pakistan if they didn’t have the wierd wadera culture and immense wealth thing going on. If they had normal upper middle class relatives in pak maybe she wouldn’t be too worried about sending her son. Btw if they do somehow force him to go for “a month” make sure u or ur husband go with him.

On a side note, I never understood the point of marrying someone to the Quran. Ok the point is so that she doesn’t get her land inheritance, she just gets room and board and expenses whatever. But if the waderas/zameendaar r so ok with indulging in criminal activities, indebting families into enslavement, abusing women, mistreating farmers and making them slog, killing ppl over property disputes, killing ppl over ghaerat then who’s forcing them to distribute the inheritance?? I mean if they can kill someone so that they won’t inherit part of the wealth then why not just let them go run off marry whoever they want and live their life. I mean isn’t it better to withhold someone’s inheritance rather than refuse them the joy of a happily married life? Or even just the companionship u get from being married. This has just always irked me everytime I’ve read an article, watched a dram or a movie with this subject matter. I mean if ur going to be evil then atleast choose the lesser one and that too for ur sibling. It’s usually the brothers who do this to their sisters right, or basically the male relatives. I really wonder how much money these ppl have that they go to such lengths for it. I mean if it’s some exorbitant amount it can’t be that bad divided by 4. Like they won’t go bankrupt or something. The can probably still afford their havelis and pajeros and multiple wives and foreign vacations. But whatever! I just had to say all this.

This and more is exactly why.

My children may have been born and raised in the USA, but I like to think I raised them as good kids. They are excellent students, well mannered, they are not exceptional, but I feel AH, we did well.

My daughter is the oldest. My own MIL, my daughter’s Dadi would not touch her own granddaughter as she was a ‘female’. And my MIL is a medical doctor.

I kept my mouth shut over the years, but I put my foot down over the years too, for myself and for my children. I have been bataameez for my own self respect, and for the respect of my children. I wanted my daughters to learn to stand up for themselves, and not see their mother hounded and accused by lies.

My inlaws have called me names in front of my children, and my children have seen me stay quiet, My inlaws have called me other things, and my children have seen me answer and fight back.

My husband stood up for me many times, always fought for me. I won’t deny that. Countless times he has told his parents to not push it. There have been very blissful periods.

Except now, things have changed ever so slightly. My inlaws are in ill health. They have retired. They are spending more time in Pakistan, they talk about dying, and how no-one will take care of the jaaidat, carry the name. I don’t know if this has triggered something in my husband.