Re: I need a reality check.
catty you need a diff reality check than you requested
1) find better friends
2) think about yourself moe positively
3) put guys thru good due diligence before getting an ounce of involvement
you know who guys take advantage of the most?? not the 'bad' girls..
but girls who are unsure, who get confused and torn between who they are and who they think they have to be due to idiots they have compiled as friends.
really..honestly.
Re: I need a reality check.
I went to Europe for a “study abroad” program and oh.my.god. I went throught the sameeeeeee thing you are going through now. In Amsterdam, a guy passed weed to me and said, “if you don’t smoke this now, believe me, you’ll start at 40” and I was like 
From my experiences, it’s always our own people who try to peer pressure us more, i.e. the non-muslims do not question your rules, restrictions and beliefs/morals/principles, etc., it’s the Muslims who kept offering me drinks and other things.
Honestly, I was sooo glad to come back home where my circle of friends and family protected me from such people and such enviroments. When travelling, especially young single women, somehow in all the exploring and trying new things out, we put ourselves in these situations where our morals are tested. I was only away from home temporarily and saw how hard it is. So much respect to you for continuously fighting against these pressures. 
Pleasee don’t succumb to these temptations!!
Re: I need a reality check.
I have noticed some thing cat woman never/rarely comes back in her thread.
Re: I need a reality check.
girl all i will say is that, DO what you think is right and jis ko karney key baad tumko apney aap sey nazrein milaaney mein koi problem na ho. :k:
baaqi the lecture can go on for life !!! 
Busy person yo! Humari tarha farigh nahee hai! 
Re: I need a reality check.
I'm here I'm here! It's just that my internet has been cut off at home!! haha will be back online by next week so I just use GS at work!!
You guys are awesome. Thanks for your intellectual responses - all of you.
Icono, that's the kind of mentality I'm talking about.
PSquared, from your response it reaffirms that I need to have even more confidence in my beliefs and values.
Frauds, yes I may be a little insecure - I have no idea why???
Punching Monk, don't worry, I'll be back to my vicious self again by tomorrow.
Catwoman be confident! You have such a wonderful personality, Marshallah, so you have no reason to feel insecure about yourself! You have great hobbies and activities and so much more to look forward to in life.
Certain females in my family always use to tease me about my looks as Dad was Pathan and Mum was White. So I had different features compared to them. They used to say things about my eyes, skin colour as I have light freckles, my curly hair etc. I would feel so insecure about my looks even I use to get tanning lotions to make myself darker! The comments would actually get so nasty and would never stop. I used to hate going to Pakistan b/c of them. Lol.
Then I realised one day that they actually want what I have! Lol! Then I use to show of my curls even more to wind them up! Hehe!
Those people who say this to you are jealous of you. They want what you have.
Take what they say with a pinch of salt!
Re: I need a reality check.
bangs head against wall
Am I surrounded by small-minded people? Or am I the one restricting myself?
One way or the other, we are all small minded people. When you questioned if you are surrounded by small-minded people, you inadvertently asked if you yourself are small-minded or not. We all live in our small comfort zones where anything out of it is, at the least, not right. I don't think there is anything wrong about this and there is not much we can do about it as well because that is how our societies work.
I do not believe that all of those (some may be) people are jealous of you about how you are able to keep yourself like that. It is just strange for their small comfort zones the way you behave.
At the end of the day, it is only you who can answer if you are the one restricting yourself. However, the way you have asked the question, it feels that you think that you are. And the reason as I see it is because you are stepping into multiple comfort zones where there are palpable pulls from both zones. You will make peace with yourself, when you will step back from both the zones and find out who you really are.
Re: I need a reality check.
catty.....you may not be insecure....but you are "unsure".
meaning you constantly second guess your own principles.
you are very obviously torn between the liberal minded folks that want to tell you that you are missing out on all the fun and the upbringing that your parents have shown you. this is precisely why you are easy prey.
Re: I need a reality check.
Muzna/Catty
, teh thing is that if 2 individuals ideas about fun or life are so widely different, could they really be compatible. I mean they can be if they both let each other do what they want and not force their views on each other.
Plus the difference is whether one considers it just a difference in preferences or a clash in values/morals.
so one really must feel very strongly about clubbing and having all their freinds do the same, and the other person must feel very strongly agsinst clubbing and wants nothing to do with it or none of the friends to do that either when it is a no go situation.
as someone who spent more time in clubs than in classes during college, married to someone who is very anti club scene, we had to tackle that before we got married as well.
PS: yeah i quit
PS2: yeah i could not convince her, although we did go clubbing a couple of times, but it really becomes a non issue in a few years anyways..student or single young professional in the 20's sure..married, father of a a few clubbing is not very common :D
Re: I need a reality check.
Trust me you are not missing out on anything. Thank your parents for being there for you and raising you with these values and morals. Don't ever let anyone tell you that you are boring for not drinking and clubbing as it is not as glamourous as it looks, and it is definitely not worth ruining your life. In situations like these you could change your whole life in a split-second. Be proud of who you are and remember the grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side. Im sure when you hit 50 you will look back and be proud of resisting these activities. Learn from other peoples mistakes and be proud of your accomplishments!
Re: I need a reality check.
U don't have to be good "for others to see".
I am sure that you are mature enough to realize. If you are satisfied that you are good, you are good. Don't worry much about others. There are some limits that you set for your self and then there are some limits that the religion you follow sets for you. If you think you are within the limits ...u are not missing anything.
As far as "people say..." is concerned, believe me even if you kill yourself for them, they will say "aaah ...she should have eaten poison instead of shooting her self...she did not kill herself the proper way"
Re: I need a reality check.
Cattie btw there is a diff between clubbing too. you have the ppl who go there, drink, hook up, bang bang etc, others who just go to meet people or hang with friends, may or may not drink based in theri beliefs and are not into picking people at clubs.
its really not much different than going to a friends place for a party..the comparison is that instead of hosting a dinner and hanging out at your place, ppl eat out and then hang out at some place where they can just hang out, bar, cafe, club whatever..
in most cases it is more of a social scene, a place where you meet people you knwo already and new people (many times through your friends)...
let me give you an example from my own experience, I had friends in diff unis and who lived all over the city, in the usual 3-4 places we hung out at. I may go with a handful of guys and girls but run into others that i know .. it dd not have to be a club but restaurants were not really conducive to it, they did not want you to hang out for ever.
and at these bars/pubc/clubs.. people do their own thing, those who want to dance do that, some may shoot pool, others are hovering at the bar.
teh term club or bar has many negative connotations, but for many many people it is really not much different than a social club or country club, like gymkhana type thing in Karachi..just a place to hang out.
Re: I need a reality check.
^ i was just about to say that. People who club arent bad people.. there is a difference between clubbing..
Ive know lots of GOOD people who might go clubbing to meet friends, but it dont mean they are drinkers or smokers or any of that sort... so it shouldnt be associated with a bad thing.. as it is often seen in our community
^ i was just about to say that. People who club arent bad people.. there is a difference between clubbing..
Ive know lots of GOOD people who might go clubbing to meet friends, but it dont mean they are drinkers or smokers or any of that sort... so it shouldnt be associated with a bad thing.. as it is often seen in our community
that is absolutely true, but it is still frowned upon in our society, so if you do go you have to choose your company wisely.
Re: I need a reality check.
^ exactly.. plus u really shoundt be hanging out with people who are gonna judge u.. hang out with people who accept you for who and what you are.
^ i was just about to say that. People who club arent bad people.. there is a difference between clubbing..
Ive know lots of GOOD people who might go clubbing to meet friends, but it dont mean they are drinkers or smokers or any of that sort... so it shouldnt be associated with a bad thing.. as it is often seen in our community
insan ko hamesha achee sauhbat main baithna cheheyee
now your view is true that not everyone drinks at the club but 95% do and when u have 95 out of 100 people around u drinking, u are bound to get influenced. Why not just avoid it when you are in HOSH-O-HAWAS? once you loose your HOSH-O-HAWAS, its difficult to get rid of it.
remember: Insaan apnee sauhbat kee wajah sai pehchana jata hai.
Re: I need a reality check.
^ yes it is difficult, but i think it can be managed.
I have been working for over a decade now and with every employment ive been in, their farewells or christmas parties or watever party, involves alcohol.. or as tradition here in OZ, going to pubs… ive never ever touched alcohol or wanted to drink it..
im not saying im a saint.. but im sure there are a lot of people out there who go to such places but refrain from drinking or getting involved with other things..
neways point being… doesnt really matter what people around u do. If you can stop yourself than thats great :k: and if people wanna judge u, thas their prob
Re: I need a reality check.
Excellent point about clubbing X2. Seriously people who are unaware always assume the worst.